when some males leave our lives,
society often tells us that it was for the best.
there is that period at the beginning stage where it was.
you try to convince yourself how awful they were.
like clockwork tho,
they start to creep back in.
they start running around and wreaking havoc on your emotions.
after that happens,
you end up creeping on their various social media.
“Are they happy without me?”
“Did they move on?”
“Are they with somebody better?”
i had a thought over the weekend about how hard it is to truly move on.
you think you do,
but it seems like The Universe (or satan) doesn’t make the moving on process either.
you see their name everywhere,
they dominate your thoughts,
and sometimes you can feel their energy around you.
all your friends look at you crazy if you even utter that you missed “__________”.
we are supposed to move on but…
i’m learning that when i really want something,
i have to let it go.
sometimes for my own sanity at least.
i have a tendency to get obsessed with things i want…
wolves i want…
a life that i want…
i think about it a lot and try to stay optimistic,
but the doubts in my mind will find ways to be pessimistic.
i was sent a post from tinsahe about getting what she desired after she detached.
it really inspired me…
i learned a valuable lesson yesterday i wanted to share with the foxhole.
i think subconsciously i already knew this,
but i needed to catch up consciously.
The wonderfully relaxed state of being UNBOTHERED
when i heard trump didn’t sign the stimmy or didn’t extend unemployment,
i started to feel trapped in a cage.
during the day on saturday,
that was probably when i felt it worst.
i kept checking news reports constantly,
reading the same updates,
taking in other people’s trauma,
and giving myself immense self-torture.
by saturday night…
do you ever know when it’s time to move on?
for most of us,
it depends on how far we hit rock bottom.
once you see how far you have fallen,
that’s when you know it’s time to move on.
the rest either:
know from jump and be out
don’t know and have settled to being okay with what’s given
i tend to try and stick it out until it’s the end.
i’m one of “them”.
i don’t know why,
but it has come to this.
that’s the problem
so i was talking to the pretty vixen this morning.
she low-key told me about myself…
I think I am a good person.
Well, scratch that “think”. I know I am a good person. Yet, you can think you are the best man in the entire world and when one person thinks not, you are ready to question your entire being. Why is that? Do we really need validation from everyone to prove we are good, sexy, and everything positive?
So, at work, one of the girls who has a crush on me decided she wanted to add me to a very popular social site. She forwarded all the other co workers who are on the same site to me, including this sexy ass dude who works in our department.
Foxes – he is sexy. Light skinned, tall, muscular, nice hair, did I mention muscular – all around “Wolf” material. Granted, he is straight until proven gay/bi but I wanted to get to know him on a friend like level, even if he is 100% straight. I like to know a lot of various contacts. Straight, gay, bi – whatever. I am down for friends/associates.
I did notice however that when we would be in contact with each other, he would be very distant from me. He would be quiet and not really as open as my other co workers. He would give slight head nods and not look me in my eyes. First sign.
So when I got the forward and saw his name, I instantly added him. No question. All the females added me, almost that day. He didn’t. As days went on, no “accept request” was sent to my email and I got the hint he wasn’t interested in pursuing a friendship with me.
It hurt a little. I mean, I think I am a damn good friend and have had straight boys be cool with me. I started to question who I was, my masculinity, and even my aura. It fucked with my mind for a while. It didn’t help that when I did see him on the job, he became even more distant…. In those tight muscule hugging shirts he wore.
Sorry…. Back on topic….
Anyway, I had to ask myself what were the reasons he didn’t add me. That’s just it: I don’t know. I have a totally different swagger than him so maybe he caught that and decided to not pursue anything. He is definitely not a “pretty” type of dude. He is typical average good looking guy.
Either way, we will NOT be cool.
I did want to sample the meat though. He may have had a small penis or a bad stroke – plus I think he is fucking one of the females at work and I have a sneaky suspicion it is our boss.
Life will go on and I learned my lesson.: never question who you are when rejected. This will all be a memory pretty soon. Move on to the next one who will accept.
Brought 2 u on the Foxberry