someone call state farm because i’ve crashed into the pandemic wall

*vent

Is it wrong to say I’ve been really going through it?

between the depression and the anxiety,
honestly,
i don’t know how i‘ve been making it through.
i woke up today legit crying my ass off.
it has been better than my usual waking up filled with anxiety.
this did start around the time the mercury retrograde reared its ugly head,
but i think i’ve hit the pandemic wall

i feel like one of the celebs who is secretly suffering.
they put on a smiley face for the world,
take good pics


…but they are contemplating their life and worth behind closed doors.

i’m not saying i’m a celeb,
but i do have a platform that i make sure to keep up with.
some days,
i have no energy to give anything.
it’s like nothing makes me happy anymore.
i don’t watch tv or keep up with new music.
i’m even starting to drift away from playing video games as much.

Some days i wake up and i feel productive.
Some days i wake up and i have no energy.

the foxhole can tell at times when i’m present and i’m feeling low.
it’s like there are two sides in this weird matrix we’re all in.
on one side,
folks are following panorama rules and doing their best to stop the spread.
others are traveling and partying like it’s 2019.

 

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What reality am I in right now?

i might be in the wrong matrix.
crime
has shot up in my neighborhood.
someone is always getting robbed since there is no money.
it’s scary.
i miss being a human and living a normal life.


what is normal anymore?
i keep asking myself:

How will this affect us when this is all over?

i think it’s not gonna be all that great.

lowkey: i finished my media kit so there’s that.

5 thoughts on “someone call state farm because i’ve crashed into the pandemic wall

  1. Don’t worry. The pandemic will end soon and NYC will be heaven on earth for you and many other once again. Cuomo is even opening up the stadiums. #yougottabelieve

  2. imagine how many people those guys have killed or gotten sick by continuously throwing parties all over Atlanta. They should truly be fucking ashamed of themselves.

  3. I am so sorry for the heaviness that you are dealing with. Please remember that those feelings and this pandemic will pass! You have so many wonderful qualities, gifts and attributes Jamari.

    Whenever you feel down , morose or anxious simply relive or play some of the positive accolades bestowed upon you. Read a wonderful letter , text, or email that you received . You are very smart . Surely you know how special you are to us and yourself.

  4. This drives me crazy! Attentionistos making PROFIT off of the pandemic. If you have abs, you don’t need ethics, apparently.

  5. sad we live in a world of “group think” just like erykah badu suggested in her video “window seat”…there is credible science from THOUSANDS of peer reviewed journals suggesting that electromagnetic frequencies are fucking up our health and it’s been doing so since the late 1880s. Its electricity, especially wireless technology that is fucking us up…but no one wants to believe it, or even talk about it. I could send links/evidence from hundreds of scientific experiments but no one would care and everyone would call it a hoax. do research on your own looking at REAL science and you will see we’re on a path to self destruction. If you want to stay healthy, limit your use of cell phones, wifi, electricity in general and get connected to the natural world. Go camping for a few days, Go hiking. Swim in the ocean. The creator made this ish for a reason and we’re neglecting it.
    Stay well.
    I would suggest reading “the invisible rainbow” by Arthur Firstenberg
    to get started on looking into this. thousands of research articles as well.

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