Putting Something New In My Mouth (Its Hard To Swallow Tho)

tumblr_mjtgiiD1qf1ro74x3o3_500since looking for a therapist is like a needle in a haystack,
i wanted to be as honest as i can with whats going in my mind.
today i have a lot going on in my mind.
so lets get into it…

i am good looking.
my life is blossoming in total perfection.
i am the master of my life.
i deserve the very best sex in my life.
i am now attracting loving, satisfying relationships into my life.
i am healthy and beautiful.
the light within me is creating miracles.
god lives within me and manifests in the world through me.
i have the infinite creative power of the god within me.

people tell me you need to change your self talk to co create your life.
well what if you don’t believe it?
i know that isn’t the best question to ask,
but its a real one.
i’d rather not pretend with the foxhole.
its…
tiring.
i’m tired.

they say if you say it,
then you will start to believe it.

when you are looking in the mirror then you get to affirming
when you are feeling your best then get to affirming
when you have a notebook then you should be writing down your affirming

…and i do that and things go well.
why am i not believing it?
am i broken?
its like something happens and then i’m back to my old speaking habit.

i’m so stupid.
smart people don’t do dumb shit like this.
i will never get a wolf like that.
i’m aren’t attractive which is why i’m single.
i’m stuck at this job.
i’m not going to live my dreams.
i wish i was dead.

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…which makes me wonder if i’m doing this all wrong?
am i that mentally fucked up that i can’t even talk to myself good?
or remain talking good when things are absolute shit?
yet i speak so highly about everyone else.
everyone comes to me when they want a self esteem boost.
i have realized i’m extremely hard on myself.
which is weird because i don’t allow others to disrespect me.
everyone else thinks i’m so amazing.
i’m scared because i feel like i’m never going to find that “amazing person”.
i feel i have to pretend through life to be politically correct.
you know its never good when you show you have problems.
god.
i’m a fuckin’ human social media account.

instafoxso i’m willing to start completely fresh tonight.
clean slate.
blank mind.
new mouth.
i just need an idea of how to do this so i can get it started.

how do you clear your mind?
how do you stop a negative self talk?
how do you focus on you 110% and no one else?

i think know i’ve been self sabotaging my own life with my word vomit.
that is the honest truth.

lowkey: i think ima have to become extremely selfish.
everything,
including my own happiness,
is all about me.

is that wrong?

*pictures credited to owner

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

13 thoughts on “Putting Something New In My Mouth (Its Hard To Swallow Tho)

  1. One reason that therapists are so hard to find is that biochemistry has caught up with and surpassed talk therapy and the pseudoscientific religion of Freud and Jung. You should make an appointment with a physician and get a diagnosis for your depression. The same people who can prescribe the drugs that can help you overcome the suicidal thoughts probably also know a therapist or two if you prefer that route. Get help. Lots of us out here need you.

  2. From the title of this post I was excited I thought you got some ding ding lol, but I feel everything you posted dude. I’m in the same boat on some of the things you wrote about, I feel that’s why I relate to you so well. Life is short we have to be happy I’m trying to get to a happy place now. Be selfish dude and do you. I hope you do find a therapist but like I posted before won’t you join the gym again. Working out does relieve stress and hey there is great eye candy in there too, maybe you could also find somebody in there.

  3. One of my best vixen friends in college would did what Mary Jane did and have dozens of post it notes with affirming messages all over and around her mirror. She had everything written down from her future career, wolf and family, positive qualities, and who she wanted to be in the future. She would read them out loud at least once a day we used to think she was crazy as hell for that. Like legit psycho lol. 9+ years later and she’s a practicing doctor, married, and about to have her second kid. The rest of us are either still in school, single, or both :(. I guess in the end it worked out for her.

  4. Hey J. Thanks for this post. I was following the thought process of Abraham Hicks…..until the wahala broke lose. I didn’t want to hear about no damn vortex…Well, I told all of my problems to the wind. I just let it out man….then, I came back and listened again. I heard Abraham kept mentioning focus. So I Googled focus wheels and there it was. The idea is to take a statement that doesn’t feel quite true and examine it. I wish I could recall the link. To say I am wealthy doesn’t feel right. These statements can get you to the feel good feelings that are needed to make affirmations work. Instead, I feel fantastic that I can pay for the things I need and some of the things I want. It is empowering to take small steps towards my financial freedom….The bottom line is to stay with the feel good statements and then you will be able to say and feel that which is not as if it were. Good luck.

  5. I’m the same way with myself I can’t see what others see. People tell me I’m funny and cute I’m a nice person and that I’m really talented but all I Don’t see it. If I want to start living a life that I want i’m going to have to start thinking more positive about myself I have no problem do it for others.

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