playing “hard to get” usually means you’ll be doing all the work (in bed)

hard to get.
it’s when someone has you chasing them for the golden carrot they are dangling.
oftentimes,
they can sense you’re really interested so it can be a form of manipulation.
those same tactics can be used in certain circles on a platonic level.

The nerd wants to fit in with the popular kids so they make him/her prove their worth.

 if you have to overly prove yourself for anything,
it doesn’t actually work out in the way you’d imagine.
i saw a saying that blew my top earlier.
it said…

“Those who play hard to get soon become difficult to want.”

meaning,
every single person that has played hard to get with you and me wasn’t actually worth it.
there are some wolves i was soooooooo delusional about.
i thought being ghosted and treated unfairly was “love”.
i made excuse for that behavior because i wanted to give someone a chance.
i had to realize my grandmother used those same tactics to abuse me.
it was a familiar language i was comfortable with.
one thing i’ve learned:

Anyone that I ever had to put in a shit amount of effort for,
while they played hard to get,
often returned the favor with half (or none) of the effort I gave them.

it was the males that their energy was open,
they made me feel comfortable,
they didn’t purposely ignore texts and calls,
and i didn’t feel anxiety or the need to “be someone they’d like“,
those were always the ones who were amazing to me.
even if it didn’t work out,
i didn’t feel like i was doing them a favor by being attracted to them.
you know those types.

foxhole…
we get caught up in trying to impress people we really like,
while they make us “work for it“.
i’m not going above and beyond for his attraction or friendship,
only to be met with a cold shoulder.
fuck him.

these days,
folks love to use the “hard to get” tactic because it makes them look desirable.
they ignore calls and texts because it leaves you yearning.
they construct this mysterious image to have you fantasizing about them.


everyone i’ve noticed that played that “hard to get” role is:

Selfish
Loves to control people
Has tremendous walls up

Horrible in bed
Terrible at personal relationships
Awkward af
Horrible communication
Sorta abusive
Cowards
Weren’t interested in me at all

…and if they were interested me,
they wouldn’t put me through stress and anxiety just to be in their lives.
it gives psychopath.
i don’t do that to people i’m really into or want to know so…

Why would I allow someone to do that to me?

lowkey: this is why i don’t chase people anymore.
if i have to chase someone,
they’re probably wack af.
they will give half or a quarter of the effort back.
remember:

Those who are really into someone usually don’t play hard to get.
They take the “hard” out the phrase.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

7 thoughts on “playing “hard to get” usually means you’ll be doing all the work (in bed)

  1. it was the males that their energy was open,
    they made me feel comfortable,

    Yes. Do NOT take them for granted.

    The idea of a chase is ridiculous. Because once he catches you, he’s bored. So, I see it as you’re walking along a road and someone stops you and wants to walk with you. You say you’re busy getting somewhere and they say that’s fine, they’ll walk with you. As you keep walking, they either get annoying or you don’t mind the company. Love is finding someone who makes the “getting to the destination” more fun than the destination itself.

    Stop taking love for granted and choosing dysfunction!

    He’s not boring.
    He’s not safe.
    He will never betray you how they betrayed you.

    Work on yourself and stop “working on your relationship” aka trying to forgive him for repeatedly lying/cheating/whatever he said he’d never do, but does everyday because you’ll always take him back..so why should he do better? He gets all of you for doing the bare minimum(sex).

    1. ^after seeing my own and that of others,
      i realized chasing anyone to get chose doesn’t get anyone what they truly desire.
      by chasing,
      you are laying the ground work that you aren’t a prize but they are.
      so they don’t have to work hard to please you and every argument will lead in them dismissing you.

      if getting to the destination isn’t fun,
      in all aspects of life,
      then the destination wasn’t worth it to begin with.

      therapy has really helped me see things more clearly and in grateful for it.

  2. Im watching love after lockup & one of the guys was chasing somebody heavy on the show & from what im seeing the chase was not worth it at all.

    Btw this is a word ” this is why i don’t chase people anymore.
    if i have to chase someone,
    they’re probably wack af.
    they will give half or a quarter of the effort back.” Because they do be Not at all the picture you had of them & all that effort & energy was truly a waste.

    1. ^ ive emotionally chased males around and ended up feeling so burnt out.
      the fantasy i had of them after it’s all said and done goes away and i see just how corny they actually were.

      any male who is interested in me but plays hard to get,
      i’m dismissing them into they aren’t interested.
      i made excuses about them “being not ready”.
      tfffffff?
      not ready to date someone as dope as me?
      lies i told myself to excuse someone’s behavior.

      1. Yeah, the not ready use to be me. I thought I’d “help him get there” by proving myself to him. It never occurred to me he had to prove why I should be ready for him.

        1. ^ive learned if you have to “help another male”,
          it’s not worth it.
          it’s all about the foundation.
          how the relationship starts is usually how it goes and ends.

          if you spend the relationship chasing and catering,
          that is how it will be.
          you’ll forever be tired and stressed out because the relationship is working to make sure he is good.

  3. you are laying the ground work that you aren’t a prize but they are.

    Saving this. Know your worth and don’t be a fool. PLEASE match his energy. People think not settling means rejecting the person you want 3 times. I don’t have it like that to act uninterested when I am. If I reject, they WON’T be back.

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