depression has been fuckin me all up.
and my life.
at least i have the guts to admit it.
i always have in my blogging career,
but some act like they don’t understand other people aren’t as strong as them.
i’ve been trying to be strong,
but i’ve been dealing with a lot.
2020 has kicked my ass and left me with down for the count.
i started a podcast and it didn’t “hit” like i wanted it to.
i felt like i made a mistake doing it tbh.
i had to hit up some of my close foxholers in dms like:
“Is it wrong to admit that my depression has been effecting my blogging this 2020?”
it can make you lose interest in many things.
all the shit you loved suddenly turns you off.
you watch others skate through life and you’re still at the starting line.
i had no energy for the foxhole and that was depressing me even more.
a place where i came to release suddenly became a place i wasn’t interested in.
good lookin’ males didn’t even make me happy.
now you know its serious when that’s happening.
if i can’t use this outlook as a place to find happiness,
i could as well go and die.
i’m hoping all of this is stemming from the mercury retrograde,
along with not fully healing from abuse i took the last few months.
i’m ready to get back on the beaten path again.
I apologize to those who wanted more of me
i couldn’t even give myself the same.
low-key: looking for a therapist is so hard.
it’s like a full time job along with looking for another source of income.