on my knees because depression sucks

depression has been fuckin me all up.
my writing,
my creativity,
my emotions,
and my life.
at least i have the guts to admit it.
i always have in my blogging career,
but some act like they don’t understand other people aren’t as strong as them.
/endrant
seriously though…

i’ve been trying to be strong,
but i’ve been dealing with a lot.
2020 has kicked my ass and left me with down for the count.
i started a podcast and it didn’t “hit” like i wanted it to.
i felt like i made a mistake doing it tbh.
i had to hit up some of my close foxholers in dms like:

“Is it wrong to admit that my depression has been effecting my blogging this 2020?”

with depression,
it can make you lose interest in many things.
all the shit you loved suddenly turns you off.
you watch others skate through life and you’re still at the starting line.
i had no energy for the foxhole and that was depressing me even more.
a place where i came to release suddenly became a place i wasn’t interested in.
hell,
good lookin’ males didn’t even make me happy.
now you know its serious when that’s happening.
if i can’t use this outlook as a place to find happiness,
i could as well go and die.

i’m hoping all of this is stemming from the mercury retrograde,
along with not fully healing from abuse i took the last few months.
i’m ready to get back on the beaten path again.

I apologize to those who wanted more of me

i couldn’t even give myself the same.

low-key: looking for a therapist is so hard.
it’s like a full time job along with looking for another source of income.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

4 thoughts on “on my knees because depression sucks

  1. Jamari sad to hear of your struggles. I would never have known that zubwere struggling.. Get all the help that U need, find the support thst U need that can support, n try to keep a positive frame of mind. If U have hobbies try m focus on them. I’m sure a lot of people appreciate the work the do here. Take care of self.

  2. I support and understand you dear friend. People would be surprised at how many of us deal with life struggles and are both forced and conditioned to function. We are Bloggers, Politicians ,Engineers and Celebrities.A large part of you appeal ,respect and admiration is your honesty.

    I see how intelligent , handsome and talented you are and become inspired observing how you overcome barriers to contribute , engage and succeed despite. ( smile)

    1. ^thank you so much bib.

      ya know,
      folks need to hear how much they are meant on this earth.
      we can start feeling really ostracized like no one cares.
      it can help to feel wanted.

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