My Poor Booty Hole

broken-bed_31395360let’s talk about fuckin’.
i wanted to fuck last week.

i wanted to fuck my grief away.
i wanted to get fucked so hard,
i would see stars that star fox would appear before me.
even if his ex wanted to fuck,
i would have turned it down.
the one time i wanted to get my ass handed to me,
i couldn’t do anything because i had a little problem.

as a fox,
we know this problem all too well.
it can come from a multiple of sources,
but once it happens,
you are pretty much left with sitting it out or using your mouth.
yeah.
you already guessed.
the hemorrhoid.
the ultimate pain in our ass.
no matter how small or fat our butt cheeks are,
ain’t nothing worst than that.
we are like family so “tmi” in advance‚Ķ

i must have strained to hard on the toilet.
all i know i was tite… and not in the good way.

before star fox died,
i called him about it because i was in pain.
prep h didn’t even help as it should.
can you believe he laughed at me?
i had to quickly remind him of the time he had to go to the hospital for his.
when he was new to the lifestyle,
he decided to clean himself out with summer eve before he got poked.
i still remember that tearful phone call.
he was more concerned with being able to take another pipe again.
i can’t even sit up here and front…
i remember when i didn’t know what i was doing also.
i used summer’s eve right before i got some wood.
i didn’t know what was worse:
the soreness from the pipe or the two week hemorrhoid.
hell i remember when this wolf banged me out with just spit on his pipe.
i was in pure hell for 2 weeks.
i never spoke to him again.
i nearly had him arrested for assault with a deadly penis.

tumblr_inline_mkcnw5pHsm1qz4rgpi don’t know how to avoid hemorrhoids.
you can get one by getting a serious dick down.
  i do know fuckin with one is a complete no-no.
if you really want shit to happen then do that.
one of the quickest ways i found,
as i tried everything,
is witch hazel.
that helps with the sandpaper like itching.
you can use prep h,
but that wasn’t working fast enough for me.
sitting in a nice warm bath helped also.
i know one thing,
when it starts to heal and develop a scab,
WALKING and SITTING makes you want to scream.
i was sure my ass would burst into flames shopping for star fox funeral clothes.
TAKING A SHIT can feel like pure death.
can you imagine the news?

MAN DIES FROM TRYING TO HATCH MONSTER LOAF.

tumblr_inline_mo7fnnJ50p1qz4rgphemorrhoids.
the pain.
the regret.
the praying.
one of the quickest ways for any fox to become a wolf.
or dream you had a pussy.
sadly we ALL can get them.
just strain hard enough as you are trying to eject that child birth dump.
i had to wonder as i sat on the toilet grippin onto the sides trying to scream,
is there anyway to avoid a hemorrhoids all together?
and once we have them,
is there a much easier way to get rid of them?
lord knows if this:

tumblr_motwns6s5k1qfofhno1_500… wanted to come through when i had my “issue”,
i would have cried real tears.
so i had to ask…

How do you avoid getting a pain in your ass?

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Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

19 thoughts on “My Poor Booty Hole

  1. Last month I strained to hard on the toilet and I ended up in the ER, and I was at school at that. I was scared as shit, I was bleeding more that a female on her period. My bathroom was a mess. Real Talk.The doc told me I had an anal fissure. I was in the hospital til three in the morning SMH.

    I see you got my baby up there, I love Tyler Lepley. Let’s just say I wanna give him hemorrhoids lol.

  2. Lmao, man I remember my first hemorrhoid encounter. I put too much soap in the wrong spot. Irritated and dried it out smh, ouch.
    Then even worse I googled it. From the bleeding I thought I had an anal frissure and would need surgery. Isn’t google the worst when your sick and don’t know what to do? It’ll have you making yourself believe you have crabs, when you have an allergic reaction to something lol.

  3. You guys are not drinking enough water during the course of the day and not eating enough fruit and vegetables and whole grains, for example whole wheat bread and brown rice instead of white enriched bread and white rice. If your diet is on point and you exercise some, you should not have any problems with evacuation. One should never, ever have to strain on elimination. If you do, that is a sure sign you’re not drinking enough water and eating enough fiber. Some people go days with a bowel movement. One should be eliminating more than once a day and texture should be soft solid not hard like bricks. One suggestion: try drinking two glasses of water first thing in the morning upon getting up before breakfast. Also, eliminate fast food as much as possible. Try taking your lunch and including some fruit instead of cookies and cake and the like. Also, drink some water about 20 minutes before each meal during the day, and don’t eat close to bed time. The straining will be gone and the 6-pack will be tight.

  4. My only suggestion is eat a lot of ruffage, and drink a lot of water!! You should never have to strain while using the bathroom… It shouldn’t hurt, it should be easy. And anytime you planning on having sex or you think it may happen, pre-lube, it makes it ten times easier!! If you do this, you should be straight for life!

  5. Bruh the best thing to do is to include more fiber in your diet, I’ve been through this ordeal twice in my life and trust me if I feel anything remotely close to the feeling of a hemmoroid it’s #TeamMetamucil all day. However I don’t recommend Metamucil at this point as the damage is already done and passing your bowels is not an easy task at this point because Metamucil will increase stool size. Hot baths with Epsom salt and the dipository PrepH seems best and if that doesn’t work then you may have to consult with your doc for something stronger which usually works immediately….happy trails

    1. ^thanks to you,
      oh,
      and richie for the food suggestions.
      i will admit I replace water with my fav,
      iced tea.

      is there anyway to stop hemorrhoids from sex period?
      or does a better diet help with that?

  6. I see you guys are talking about fiber and water, but that’s not always true. When I had my anal fissure, I tried to tell the doc I only strained because it was just a simple false alarm. I had gas that whole day, but I just didn’t have to go. I poop every day, and I never strain at all. I can’t go everyday anymore because I’m at home and my Aunt doesn’t want me to stop up her toilet so…LMAO…

  7. Who in the hell doesn’t go to the bathroom for days?

    That’s crazy.
    Being full of shit is dangerous.
    You want your stools soft as possible if you have a booty nugget.

    Prep H, witch hazel, and 100% Aloe Vera gel are your friends.

    Get some fiber, eat some green vegetables, and drink more water and apple cider vinegar.

    It’s summertime too. Add more fiber and fruits with lots of water especially if you are a meat eater.

    Add some black beans or navy beans to baked beans.
    Try sweet potato fries or baked sweet potatoes
    Eat watermelon (a natural Viagra), mangoes, pears, and pineapples.
    Try oven roasted or sauteed brussel sprouts–in the same family–cabbage, kale, chard, chicory (endive), collards, spinach–any kind of green is good.
    Zucchini and yellow summer squash can be added to many different dishes.
    Almonds, walnuts, and pecans should be incorporated too.

    Vegetables/produce at the grocery store/farmer’s market is cheap as hell if you buy by the pound or a little less than a pound, and in season.

    If you’re making pasta dishes try out low digestible carbs but high fiber varieties. I don’t like whole wheat brands–they taste like cardboard–but there are other tasty brands out there.

    Buy Culturelle and eat some yogurt to help that small intestine.

    If you have to time read or have to strain constantly on the toilet might wanna look into changing your diet immediately.

    Vaginas and anuses absorb and secrete so keep that in mind when placing objects, products, and chemicals on them or inside them.

    Don’t think anybody should use Summer’s Eve.
    Vaginas are self cleaning and Fleet Naturals are still in production so…yeah.

    LOL

    The grocery store and drugstore.com are your friends.

  8. I usually don’t comment but I suffered for a year with painful hemorrhoids (or at least what I though was hemorrhoids). So I feel your pain. I had internal bleeding hemorrhoids mainly from the amount of stress I was under. 2011 and 2012 were really bad years for me. But things are getting better.

    Anyway I finally went to the doctor to be examined. Did the whole Colonoscopy. Found out that I had both hemorrhoids and polyps. The polyps turned out to be Stage 2 Colon Cancer. Had them removed but had to go through radiation therapy. Still suffering from Hemorrhoids mainly because the medicine I was on made me constipated.

    My doctor told me that you can’t cure hemorrhoids from the outside. So forget using Preparation H. That stuff is crap. Hemorrhoids (both internal and external) must be treated from the inside.

    I went to see a Herb specialist. She recommended this product called Hem-Relief. It’s not sold in stores only online. I was very skeptical given the reviews were mixed. But I was in some much pain I didn’t care. I needed relief. Plus I needed to get over at least one hump.

    http://www.westernherbal.com/products/Hem-Relief.html

    I tried it and within 3 days the bleeding stopped. Within 5 days the Hemorrhoids were almost gone. Within 10 days I was hemorrhoid free! No BS!!!! I should point out that in addition to taking Hem-Relief I also refrained from eating meats, no coffee (thought I would die) and stayed away from any sweets. Plus I was drinking lots or water and sugar-free Gatorade to stay hydrated.

    It’s been 10 months and I’m cancer free and hemorrhoid free. I keep a bottle of Hem-Relief (just in case). Just remember as you get older (I turned 50 last year) the more maintenance your body need. Eating healthy in New York can be a bit of a challenge (especially on the wallet). Just have to find that right balance.

    Just thought I would share my experience. Hope you feel better….

    1. ^thank you so much for sharing your story!
      honestly i and many needed to read that.
      im not in the vicinity of your age at all,
      but that could happen to any of us.
      my situation has gone away finally.
      i went to the bathroom and didn’t scream so that was a good sign lol
      i will keep that website close.

      again thank you curt!

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