i have a couple questions and there are not meant to be insulting.
okay ready?
here goes…
have you ever looked in the mirror and thought you were “ugly”?
have you looked in the mirror and one flaw meant the end of the world?
and have you ever compared yourself to other people?
its okay.
you don’t need to feel embarrassed.
i’m not going to judge you.
its just me and you.
trust a lot of us have felt that way once or twice in our lives.
many people no matter how:
attractive
how much money they have
getting good pussy/ass/pipe on the regular
…feel that way every single day.
well you may suffer from “body dysmorphic disorder” and not even realize it.
i’ll tell you what that is…
i use to think i was ugly.
like hideous.
i use to spend my days comparing myself to other wolves and foxes.
living in this life and feeling ugly can be a big “no no” for your social life.
my friends would tell me otherwise,
and wolves/vixens wanted to be/fuck with me,
but i wouldn’t believe anything they said.
matter a fact,
i would often challenge it.
i would often also sabotage relationships with wolves because of my insecurities.
i can admit it.
it got actually so bad that i wanted to get plastic surgery.
i wanted to become this “perfect” fox looks wise,
not so much light skin,
but in my head what i thought being attractive was.
removing and changing things that others actually found my beauty in.
well a few years ago,
i saw a bulletin for a free case study about how we view ourselves.
i went in and they made me take this long test.
i passed and was diagnosed with having body dysmorphic disorder.
body dysmorphic disorder – its when you see a flaw in your appearance that is minor or imagined.
you think whatever it is so bad that you think others will judge you on it.
you also obsess constantly over how you look.
it gets to the point that people seek out plastic surgery,
or excessively excerise to try and fix the flaw that you see.
sadly you are never satisfied so you will go hard in the gym.
you will break your back buying products and even make up.
the study lasted a good 3 or 4 months.
it was an eye opening experience that really helped.
i’m not 100%,
but i will say that i am pass the half way mark.
you will be surprised how many people have this.
many people in the life are suffering from it.
they just don’t know.
when you have it,
you always try and present yourself in the best possible light.
you become a slave to compliments.
a slave to finding random men to fuck.
that becomes your defense and excuse in arguments.
“well i’m cute because other people find me cute.
people always blowing up my messages on jackd.
you ugly because you got no one!”
we all know those types.
its not something you can tell someone upfront,
but when you start talking with them,
they will start revealing it little by little.
it can be one of the reasons why people lie on social media.
why they use “smoother” tools to hide flaws in their pictures.
its why we think they are perfect when in actuality,
they are silently suffering to make us believe they are perfect.
i was thinking about body dysmorphic disorder last night.
on instagram,
everyone loves to show their best self in selfies or after work out shots.
how many of those same people have body dysmorphic disorder?
is the gym keeping them sane?
they claim they are working out for “nutrition”,
but that is far from the case.
is getting a ton of likes/comments helping boost temporary self esteem?
why many of them are constantly single?
you see the posts about this perfect equally fit person,
but in reality,
they end up getting with some regular who helps stroke their ego.
i always say that you can work out all you want,
get this nice body,
but it will never change whats happening on the inside.
as you are working on your outer appearance,
you should also be working on your inner as well.
nothing worse than meeting the wolf of your dreams,
with the body you fantasize about,
and he is not what you expected with his personality.
having to constantly validate him and his bad sex everyday.
i prefer a wolf who doesn’t realize how attractive he is,
than one who is hiding behind arrogance and completely insecure.
no fox has time for that.
and i know people will read this and say:
“NO YOU SHOULDN’T FEEL THIS WAY!
YOU ARE A GROWN MAN WHO SHOULD FEEL GOOD!
ITS WEAK TO FEEL LIKE THIS!”
well guess what?
thats the fuckin’ reason why people are fucked up nowadays.
why some of them think “light skin”is the right skin”.
people like you,
and family members,
telling them its not okay to feel the way they do.
why people strive for perfectionism and are failing miserably.
why people are at the gym all day and going under the knife.
its because of people like YOU.
not everyone is strong and they shouldn’t be judged for it.
so i had to wonder…
Im not trying to be funny, but I hate looking at my bathroom mirror because my face and body would look awful in my eyes, but when I go to departments and go to the fitting room and restroom then look at the mirror I would say “Damn I’m cute” or “Oh wow my body look good.” but at home I’m like Ay fo, I don’t like it.
I have been thinking bout this since I read it yesterday and it has really changed my world I lurk but this really hit close to home. It Been made me depressed but it comes from a place where I had to look in my own mirror and see my problems. Thank you for righting this because now I want change grate site for people like us!!
Many suffer from it. I get told I am attractive but I am constantly single so I don’t believe it. I might get plastic surgery but I know exactly what I want and won’t go overboard. I just want Kelly Rowland’s rhinoplasty doctor and I will be good.
This entry right here though, this is some real shit, as usual J, just when I think you cant top yourself with your entries you always do. Anyway, I think about 90% of Gay men suffer from this and if I judge str8 men by Instagram, I would say about 80% of them do as well, though I know that is probably not an accurate number. Most gay men whole outlook on life focus on the physical. I have been thinking every since your entry on therapy of trying to find someone to talk too about all my issues, but at least now I can go in with a diagnoses of what is really wrong with me.
When I first discovered this Blog about 3 years ago, I was going through a physical transformation, as I have detailed many times on here of losing weight, I lost about 40lbs I had gained about 4 years earlier dealing with the sickness and then death of my father and the stress of my then job. After the weight loss, I began to really get into working out and lifting weights, Now 3 almost 4 years later, I have totally transformed my body, but not my mind. I have this new body but I still struggle with so many insecurities, especially when it comes to my dealings with men. If I wanted a vixen, it would be so much easier. I get so much attention from females now, that it makes me very uncomfortable at times, its flattering at first, but some women are aggressive as hell. I even have some White female groupies who stalk my IG page, and send me pics, there phone numbers etc, and Black females hit me up on Facebook, or go through my family members trying to find out information on me now.
Since I have never been buffed as I am now in my life, I can now say that you are most definitely treated different in both the Gay and Str8 world. In the str8 world, dudes seemed to respect you more when you are considered big, like they probably dont wanna try you, my nickname in the barbershop, on the streets with str8 dudes is “Big Man” Str8 men are more friendlier with me now in public, and I have even been able to pick up on more DL Brothers with there girls who try to hit on me on the low, or the str8 dudes who give you compliments on the low by commenting on your body saying Bro you a trainer, or you are swole or ripped.
Now in the superficial gay world it has been an eye opener. I had to shut down my Jackd acct. I got more attention on there than I ever thought I wanted. Taking some THOT pics with no shirt on or in my draws cause me to get so many Inbox hits and messages that I couldnt even keep up with them all, after I wouldnt answer some, I saw how mean and nasty gay dudes really are and how they only lust after you because you appeal to some physical feature they want. The attention was an ego booster, but if you want more than quick sex you are out of luck.
All of these so called str8 IG attention seeking males, you know all the models, actors and personal trainers suffer from this as well. It this one real popular light skin wolf who I want name to give him anymore publicity who I follow, who also has been featured at the foxhole, who seems to always just happen to have a camera around when he poses in his draws to show us his gains after his workouts. Well he sent out a message the other day, that if you commented on his looks or body and you where male you would be instantly blocked from his page because in his words, I dont talk to dudes period. I am like this dude is screaming how insecure he is, but he has more gay poses on his page including poses with his dick semi-hard in some briefs and getting mad when snow foxes started saying how good he looked. Even dudes who I thought were somewhat legitimate on IG, have turned into thirst traps posing in their draws instead of giving any workout advice anymore. Attention on social media is like a drug, if we knew the backstory on most of the most popular Attentionista’s on IG it would be eye-opening.
At the end of the day, I have a new body, but not the dude I really want in my life. Sometimes, I think, I have drank all these damn protein shakes, taken all this pre-workout, post-workout and got this new body but still suffering from body issues, never feeling I am good enough, and I know I am not the only one feeling like this.
!!!!
None of these black dudes that claim to be “personal trainers” are giving actual workout tips anymore!
They just want to make videos of them working out in the gym in nothing but compression shorts, a plump ass, and a semi-erection and think no dudes are going to commit on it!
You’re damn near naked in the video squatting with your ass all in the camera bro!
That’s like putting a glazed donut in a fat boys face and getting mad when he bites your hand. Smh
I’m still saving your instagram video in my phone so….
It’s a shame because people like me actually like to try new workouts to enhance certain body parts.
I HATE protein shakes lolol
You deserve that body if you drank that stuff everyday.
I think we all have experienced this at one point in our lives. We live in a ln age where one’s image is more important than what’s inside of our heads. I always wonder when I see ppl posting half naked pics on social media (not complaining I enjoy it lol) what is really lacking in their life…some seem so dead inside. Its not easy for everyone to accept their flaws, but if people dont begin to seek counseling or self-help, we will be living in a very dangerous society where sex is even more frequently exchanged for self gratitude and acceptance. That’s why I love this site, because its a safe place for people who are dealing with any issue, to come and seek guidance!
I have done that. When I was young I used to get called all kinds of names by kids, and looking back now I think it was more of a jealousy thing more than anything, because my family was one of the more “well-off” families on the block (and that’s not to brag). That had me VERY self conscious about my looks. I was always a passionate reader and watched nature and science shows, so over time I grew to realize it was insecurity or jealousy that caused the taunting. I mean I got along with everyone with no problem.
As I got older I started to get looks and stares, from men and women alike, but it always went over my head. Finally this one girl I’d gone to school with, whom I had a crush on back then and I had not seen in years, saw me and was like “damn you got hella cute”. LOL
It REALLY hit home when this cute ass black/asian bus driver asked me out. I was blown away with that one. Sometimes I still have doubt, but someone will usually say something or wink at me to blow those thoughts out of my mind.
I used to spend my whole lunch break in high school in the mirror thinking to myself as I was ugly and I’m pretty sure I went a couple of years without looking in a mirror at all just to avoid looking at myself. I’d just glance to make sure there was nothing on my face and keep it moving, I’d never be able to look at myself for more than 5 seconds.
I’ve never told a soul this, but growing up I kept a collage of the underwear covers I bought when I bought underwear and put them altogether and think “THIS” is how I need to look for anyone to think I’m worth anything.
I was so obsessive with my collage I’d fall asleep looking at it and my parents saw it and they were confused as hell.
Even now I work out obsessively, but when I feel like I’ll never reach expectation I’ll eat a whole pizza or a shit load of cookies so its all in vain
Currently, I have over 500 saved pics in my phone. Pics from here, screenshots from instagram and I title the album GOALS.
I still live in that fairytale land where I think if I look the way I want, everything else will fall into place.
I meant to say you will get through this bad time in your life of not liking yourself.
I used to to have this issue of not liking myself as a child and preteen! God it was hard! I had a really bad ugly duckling stage from ages 10 to 13! I had so many pimples that made me look like the wicked witch of the west from the wizard of oz! Lol it was a hard time for me. I thought my nose was too big and I hated my voice because people would always mistake me for my mom, grandma, or aunt on the phone. I had a really high voice growing up. To make matters worse I have a cousin who I compared myself to all the time. He was a star basketball player in high school and a ladies man. He looked like a model. I wanted to look just like him growing up. Thank you for writing this blog entry! I can truly relate to this! I want everyone who reads this blog entry and my comment to know that you are beautiful just the way you are! God made you beautiful and in HIS image! You get through this bad time in your life of not liking yourself. I got through it and I love myself completely!
The most beautiful people are the most insecure I find. The ugliest or fattest people always have the most confidence. Why?…
This is a powerful blog. I almost cried reading because I suffer from everything listed and never knew what it was.
this was a great entry i think Michael Jackson suffered from dysmorphic disorder and Lil Kim….most people think if they had fame and fortune they’d be happy but most famous people still suffer from insecurities because they are STILL people!!!!
I’ll keep this short. I’m secure and confident with myself physically, but I’m not the over the top type. Confident, but never cocky. The only issue I have is when my hair grows past wave length because waves are hard to maintain when they start to grow out. I don’t wear a du-rag to bed so I have to get up at like 7 in the morning and get it together before class, which is a struggle lol. I used to gain like ten or fifteen pounds every now, but it’s under control and has been for a few years now. I stay away from certain foods and I work out more to stay in shape.
I definitely have it but not 100%. For the longest time I thought I had such a fat round head but after looking in the mirror last night, I don’t think my head is as round as I imagine it is. I’m very very insecure. To the point that I do whatever I can to avoid looking at my face in the mirror because if I see a flaw, I’ll start to beat myself down over it. I’ve never considered surgery because it seems everyone who gets it always looks worse afterward. If surgery actually improved a person’s looks, I might’ve considered it. It also doesn’t help the one and only time I’ve ever been told I was “cute” was by my uncle’s drunk baby mama. I’ve gotten way better than I used to be. I just hate being forced to keep up appearances. That’s fine for people who know how to dress but I don’t care to dress to impress because I feel ugly inside so how exactly are clothes going to look good on me anyway? I’m wearing em! There have been times where clothes have boosted my confidence but then I catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror and I’m like “wow, I can dress my body but not my ugly ass face.” I also avoid taking pictures. All of this just proves how much of a mess I am. Depression, ADHD, and now body dysmorphic disorder. Oh lordt, please say it ain’t so.
^zen,
No offense,
but i really think you should look into talking with someone.
you need to start healing babe.
you can’t go forward if you dont start that process.
i want you to at least think about it.
seriously.
I have it. And it sucks for real. Checking myself out in parked car reflections to see if I look decent. Looking down at the ground as I walk. Checking myself in the mirror repeatedly before I leave… and sometimes being so unhappy with me that I don’t leave. Yeah, really.
I thought it was just vanity, until my mom & I discussed it being deeper than what’s on the surface. I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst enemy…
^there is a real beauty in being honest about your flaws.
brave i appreicate you being so open to share that.
i had to give you an air hi5 on the “sometimes i dont leave” part.
soooo cosign.
dont think you are the only one.
we are all sharing in here.
helpinf to recognize thats wrong so we can fix it.
we can find strenght when other people are open.
all we want is to know we arent alone in the struggle.
Thanks J.
Driven by insecurity, I’ve suffered from this FOR YEARS. It’s gotten better with time and therapy but I still don’t like what I see when I look at pictures (I hate taking pictures but will do it so as not to raise suspicion among people)or in the mirror. I have to close my eyes at the gym sometimes so I won’t compare myself. And yes, plastic surgery is STILL a consideration. Not so much so OTHERS can like what they see because I’ve had a boyfriend for 3 years but so that I can like what I see in the mirror and in pictures.
^thank you for honesty keith.
i too am also the same.
i am not as bad i was a couple years ago,
but i def still have my moments.
its hard especially in a life that thrives on perfectionism.
we are judged by our slightest flaw.
so add that while we magnify our own and wallah: insecurity.
I think I might have a little not of it. I know I’m cute but I don’t have the best skin and I want a bigger butt. Lol for the most part I’m okay with my looks but don’t let a fine wolf or worse a preset boy bottom come thru, I start comparing my self to him heavy. Or I would start to to wonder if my looks could pull a wolf like that.
Which is a little sad I Shouldn’t wondering if my looks could pull someone but if my personality could. 🙁 but we’re human and men at that what we see is the first thing that attracts us to someone most of the time. You learn more about that person after getting to know them, looks get you thru the door.
^well mikey,
i want to know how you feel is perfectly normal.
i felt the same way you do as well.
You would be surprised how many find wolves,
The ones with the best bodies,
are also dealing with this issue.
I spoke to one who also suffers from it.
I have posted about him.
You have even commented under his pictures.
This is why i am so pro-therapy.
Imagine how powerful we would all be if we fixed whats wrong with us on the inside,
as we are molding who we want to be on the outside???