I have been lurking through the discussions in the comments,
and I have been not only inspired, but slapped in the face.
Not in a bad way of course.
Keep it up.
You are helping everyone sharing your experiences, thoughts, disagreements…
This is what the Fox world is about.
This comment came from Joseph and I felt it was something we ALL need to read.
Let me just say that I don’t know what is worse: the straight dude-gay dude relationship of >10 years ago or the straight dude-gay dude relationship of today. Let me explain.
10 years ago straight dudes would not even come near a known gay dude and if they did it was truly on the low-low. Now, this had its disadvantage and advantages. Back then we could tell a straight dude apart in a heartbeat: he was hood all the way. The clothes really made the man. Thug wear wasn’t a fashion trend it was a lifestyle. There was minimal interaction and homophobia was rampant. You stayed on your side of the street and I in mine. It didn’t matter if dude was alone we just didn’t try that shit. Yes, we fantasized, beat off to their name but we left it alone.
Now a days it is all different. You can’t tell us apart anymore. The lines are blurred to a point that it brings about a host of other issues. Straight dudes are too in tune with fashion, taking care of their bodies to the point of obsession and, hell, are bit too damn cultural. I want you to accept me as your equal, damn it, but don’t steal my swag and pull it off better than me. And to make matters worse they crave our attention. While there are many that flirt with their curiosities, (and it doesn’t matter how much we trick ourselves into believing they are gay–because unfortunately we still think every man is gay) the reality is that the majority are not gay. They are a reflection of the times. Damn you Kanye!
Coincidentally, today my brother went on a job interview. We had lunch after. His prelude into telling me about the job was to tell me how he flirted with the hiring manager who happened to be gay. “He was flirting with me so badly that I said, fuck it, let me use it to my advantage, So, I played his game.” Yes, my 22 year old straight brother decided to play the game. He got the job. Which brings me to Jamari’s entry. Straight dudes are so aware, because we are so reckless about it (damn the gay liberation movement!), that they are using our weaknesses against us. We, of course, have always craved their validation to satisfy our feelings of “not being a real man because I am gay” so we fall for it like moths to a flame. They know we want them and can use us to get what they want whether it be studying for a test or sucking them off. For many of us the instant gratification of getting that straight dude attention or sexual conquest is sufficient enough that we don’t see what we are doing.
I think we need to accept that while sex is an animal instinct hormone ain’t got nothing to do with sexual orientation. While sex/relationships for women is very much a matter of the heart, for men its a dick/brain thing. It’s logical but illogical. What do I mean by that? No matter what they exterior says, if a dude likes/prefers women there is nothing we can do to get him to be with us/love us. Yet, the dick/brain part will tell him, Hey I need a warm mouth/drama free hole and this fag is here so why not. When it’s all said and done, he got his need met. We need to man up and stop internalizing these hetero ideals that a real man is rugged and tough and will back break us and we will iron his socks because his straight dick is that good and let them be. For they will forever continue to chase the video ho’s.
We attract who we are ready for. We need to start loving ourselves for who we are (for our self perceived flaws and the flaws society put on us) and then we will receive that love in return.
But, if what you are content with is dick, then keep on chasing that ever so elusive dangling carrot gurls.
All the best,
JosephPS. Damn, Jamari I’ve done wrote you a book.
Mental homework.
For this one in particular,
I would love to hear your thoughts.
I had a straight male friend who honestly was sexy as hell, (6’7, chocolate, muscular body, Bahamian accent) who I was initially attracted to. But since I was in a relationship already, we just became friends. I used to help dude out with a ride, paid his cell phone bill once, cook him something to eat a few times, even smoked weed with him once, just being the kind of generous friend that I am. Shit that I would do with any of my friends.
This dude after 3 years thought that I was being cool with him because I wanted to fuck him. So i’m guess that he was thinking that entire time that he was stringing me along and playing me. Like I said, initially I was attracted to him, but I DON’T DO STRAIGHT DUDES!!! I was just being the kind of friend that I am. When I confronted him about the shit he was telling people, that ended our friendship.
From that point up until now, I let the straight dudes that know that I only fuck with and try to get with dudes that are GAY and they don’t have to worry about me coming onto them or trying to get with them. I’m honestly no all that keen to have a friendship with a straight dude anymore because of that one dude.
You payed his cell phone bill?
I need friends like you then.
It don’t get that good…
<<>> I have several straight male friends that have been hit on by so many gay dudes, they have become desensitized to our reality and they are ON IT and will use that to their advantage and will USE US until they use us up! There are an abundance of straight dudes that hang out at gay/lesbian bars and get patrons and even bartenders to buy them drinks. I know several of dudes that do this and their swag is SICK, don’t hate playa hate the game!
oh shit whaaaattttt?????
my entry tomorrow is already on it.
thanks Zeus for the heads up.
Woow!! This makes me think from so many different angles….bcuz I’ve been the side piece, good for some neck, a couple dollars or a place to stay for a few days ….. But I have also been THE ONE.. the main that deals with the dude that don’t wanna be gay, but he truly lives for an loves the hell out of me. Because we live in a community thT constantly tells young black men that they r not men if they are gay, and that they should suppress who they are. And get you “a good piece of pussy to make it all better”!! I’ve done them all from preachers, doctors, husbands, boyfriends, and more, but I had to find the good and worthiness within myself. I had to stop looking for validation that I was worthy through men, but i had to learn and know that I was a MAN, a beautiful one but a man, I was different and still a true example of all of gods goodness, and that I was worthy of being treated well, loved, respected, and protected… And to this day I’m single, I haven’t had sex in almost two years, but it’s because I know what I’m worth now… I know who I am and whose I am… A child of god, and I deserve nothin less than anyone else…. I am the perfect me!
^beautiful!
continue to grow and be blessed.
Wow your comment hit like a ton of bricks, I literally almost cried. I too have spent so much time, on men who are not worth dirt on the ground, trying to please them, only for them to end up using me and making me feel like shit. I just want to be at the place you are at, I am trying but it is easier said than done, just when I think I am making progress, it seems like I take 10 steps backwards. It just feels good to know that I am not the only one who is dealing with these issues, thank goodness for Jamari and this forum, he probably does not even realize that this little thing he does can make a big difference in someones life. I wont give up, but I just wish it did not have to be so hard.
glad the entry and comment has helped you tajan.
keep me updated on your growth from here on out!
This is definitely an “aha” moment.
Quoting Joseph
“if a dude likes/prefers women there is nothing we can do to get him to be with us/love us. Yet, the dick/brain part will tell him, Hey I need a warm mouth/drama free hole and this fag is here so why not. When it’s all said and done, he got his need met. ”
so True!!!!!!
took me a long time to realize that…..
“But, if what you are content with is dick, then keep on chasing that ever so elusive dangling carrot gurls.”
and since my realization I have turned into the above… lol….
Walk backward and then determine how long you can do it and how long can you do it comfortably? We are not designed to walk backward. We are designed to go forward because that is our natural motion.
A whole lot of us need to stop going backward in our lives. Looking back ruins your ability to step forward.