i’ve come a long way and i gotta really applaud myself.
in my 20s,
i was super desperate to get into a relationship.
someone put the idea in my head about masculine males being gay/bi and it was ON.
it caused me to be put on to many fucked up entanglements.
i’ve met a lot of big deals a like rapper,
a government official,
and a nfl baller wolf.
i was dealing with some really good wolves too.
my past issues fucked them all up.
maybe i wasn’t supposed to link up with them for a relationship.
i don’t know.
if i was to see a fine ass male dating another male,
like this picture of king agu and his boo from yesterday…
it would have taken a damaging blow to my self esteem.
“What am I doing wrong?”
“Why can’t I find someone?”
“Am I ugly?”
all of these self defeating and plain ol mean things i’d say to myself.
i saw that pic yesterday and i said to myself:
“Aww they are cute.”
“How did this even leak?”
“I wonder what the sex is like?”
…cause you know king agu has that big ol minotaur penis.
how someone takes that is beyond me.
( x see that ignorance here )
the days of me comparing myself to others are gone.
i don’t know them nor do i know what they are struggling with in that relationship.
we always get a front row seat during the honeymoon period and the divorce.
everything is all good until you hear what’s wrong outside of social media.
i don’t view wolves how i use to either.
my abandonment issues wanted another male to come rescue me.
by getting into a relationship,
all my problems would be over and i’d live happily ever after.
this is 2020.
95% of males are fuckin’ stupid and not worth anything I offer.
what’s for me will come soon.
i’m chillin and working on myself in the mean time.
my skin is poppin’,
therapy has me glowing,
and i have this peace on my really good days.
I wouldn’t have dated ME in my 20s.
i wouldn’t have dated me when i started this website either.
i’d lock me down and fuck me entirely stupid with the quickness.
i’ve learned so many new tricks along this journey of mine.
there is a confident i’m stepping into that i wish was there in my 20s,
but i don’t think i was ready for that yet.
i had to learn everything then so i can be who i am now.
i’m the prize.
congrats to king agu and his boo.
lowkey: i had a brief convo with agu about that pic.
it seems he posted it on his “close friends” option on ig,
but someone decided to be ignorant.
well their ignorance led to his arrival.
look at God.