It’s Hard Out Here for “Friendships”


what does “friendship” today mean?
is it meeting someone and forming a bond?
is it a stand in until you can throw them under the bus?
i really don’t understand the animals in these forests.
we want these great “fantasy” relationships,
but we can’t even keep our friendships in order.
you love someone one minute,
and the next,
you are airing them out on all your social media accounts.
i had to wonder…

Are we all just being fake to each other?

i have always said:

if you really loved someone,
or cherished them in your life,
you wouldn’t put them on blast when you fall out

a true test of character is how you handle a ending relationship.
these days,
everyone is quick to embarrass each other.
no one works anything out privately anymore.
everything has to be uploaded for the world to see.

can you even be yourself anymore?
your true self?
the one you that may get you judged?
or should you always keep a wall or two up?
ya know…
just in case?

i was a true friend with someone.
we spoke everyday,
went out,
bought me shit,
and was a staple in my life.
i could say i loved them.
well it didn’t go well and they left me alone.
now i could have came on here and started shooting.
i could have done it in real life.
i was told shit that could really embarrass.

tumblr_o3dqjc0YKj1qfh70bo1_250 tumblr_o3dqjc0YKj1qfh70bo2_250…nope.
i would never give the satisfaction.
like our friendship,
what happened between us was private.
it would be a total bitch move to air secrets out.
as trite as it may sound,
i let God handle my PR.
tumblr_inline_o4hbqfDeYm1re489d_500he can do more damage than i could ever do.

if you are cool with someone…
you loved someone…
hell you were fuckin’ someone…
and it doesn’t end well
don’t rush to the “outing” or “blowing up spots”.
i believe in karma.
once you do something vindictive to someone,
you already started the clock on your own downfall.
in a twist,
that animal who did you wrong is now in the clear.
it’s always best to just leave well enough alone.
even if someone is airing you out.
no tit for tat.
that is one of my secrets.
i know.
it feels good to see the ones who did you wrong at your paws.
they usually come crawling back or bowing down.

nothing in the world can beat that.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

16 thoughts on “It’s Hard Out Here for “Friendships””

  1. J, with people like that…I always come back to a line in this song I like, “I don’t even wanna be, your friend”
    People don’t know the meaning of that word anymore. I’ve had several people I thought were my best friends, only to find out otherwise.
    The one person that showed me the true meaning of the word passed away six years ago, and to this day I let anyone know that my best friend is dead. I have a few people that are close to me, but they don’t come close to the characteristics that he exhibited…Love, compassion, strength, loyalty.
    I will have another friendship like that again one day…but I ain’t lookin’ for it intentionally. If it happens, it happens.

  2. Love everything you said on this post. Like it’s been said before in here karma is a BITCH, it goes around and comes around with out you needing to do anything. I find the best revenge is moving on with your life to the point where you are truly happy and could care less about stuff. A lot of times we go through all of this stuff with folks and a few years from now when we are at a better place if self being we won’t even remember the person’s last name or why they were such a big deal in our lives to begin with.

    I can’t tell you how many friendships I’ve had that ended but now looking back over it I see God got me out of a situation that could have been bad for me to continue going through. At the time I didn’t see it that way but now I’m just like ” What was I thinking?” Lol

  3. I always think twice before I even consider putting the spotlight on somebody. I’m not the type to run my mouth too much, so I’ve seen/heard plenty to use for ammunition, I just choose not to. With so many people dying over stupid shit these days, it just isn’t worth it. You can think you know a person and they can turn out to be a crazy jackal.

  4. I agree with this completely. Even if I do fallout with a person, there is still a level of respect there, but if they cross certain lines, you better believe it is going to be a problem. Social media has changing so many things, and rather than to use the platform for good, people use it to expose information that was supposed to be kept private. People forget that crossing certain boundaries could get them hurt.

    1. Too many people go that route, trying to ruin a person’s rep, when in fact they make themselves look just as bad. I’m like you, where I will still give a person respect, no matter how bad our falling out may be or have been…but if they wanna take it there and make things ugly, I can oblige them. I won’t do social media, but I will make sure you understand that fucking with me is the wrong thing to do. I won’t do anything physical…but if you lay hands on me, it’s on. LOL

  5. This post is right on time, I am in a season in my life right now, where my friendships are being tested, and this is with my gay brothers. J, like you I had a StarFoxx type of relationship with a friend of mine who passed away years ago when we were both younger. It was a devastating blow that took me years to get over, but eventually I met a couple of cool dudes who I let in and became close too. Well 2016 has proven to be a year of change, these friends have proven to be fair weather to put it mildly. I have truly been hurt by their actions, but I am one who lives by the philosophy of never let them see you sweat. I value and take my friendships personally and to heart and to get shitted on by those I am close too, has really done a number on my psyche. I am at the point now, that I am ready to bow out gracefully from the friendships. I now am going through feelings of why do you keep thinking that gay dudes can be loyal friends when they let “Dick” rule their every move. I am seriously over being close to a gay male again, it is a disappointment to see first hand that you will get thrown under the bus for a new boyfriend or piece of new ass. I just cant anymore. Ironically, straight friends who I never really open up with and get that close too, have proven to be more loyal and there for me. I almost feel bad for investing so much time in gay friendships and not nurturing my straight friendships more. I depend on my real gay friends to be there more because I thought they would understand the common struggle we all face making it in this unforgiving straight world, but gay dudes prove time and time again to be enemies. The hatred, jealousy, envy, messiness they display toward one another is disheartening. I really wish sometimes, I could meet some of the dudes on the foxhole to develop real life friendships with.

    1. Tajan, sorry you have had these experiences. Seems like it wasn’t gay dudes but these particular gay dudes who did you wrong. There are millions of us. Not all are tacky.

      I am grateful that my partners and I were able to end our relationships civilly and remain on good terms. My last partner even wanted me to have the keys to his house to check on it when he would travel, after we ended the relationship. My first partner relied on me for counsel when he wanted to purchase a house, years after our relationship ended. And, my middle partner and I remain cordial.

      Straight people can be tacky, too. Learn from these experiences and be more discerning in giving your trust to people going forward. I hope none of this comes across condescendingly. I have experienced tackiness, too, and learned from those experiences.

    2. It sounds like you’re hanging out with the wrong crowd of gay dudes, it’s hard to say what gay dudes as a demographic are like, because I’m nothing like what has been described as “a typical gay” on here, so there must be others out there. Thing is, I, myself haven’t met any. I think part of the problem is because we’re all hiding in plain sight. I think gay/bi guys like us still have problems relating to some “out” gay guys because they still live their lives differently than us (not to say that all out gays possessthese qualities, but the dynamic of being “out” vs. discreet brings a different set of values that tend to clash). Composure and discretion, and some maturity are values that are important to us, and instead of looking for gay dudes to relate to merely for the fact of them being gay, you need to find people regardless of demographic who share the same INDIVIDUAL values/goals as you. It shouldn’t matter if they’re gay, straight, fat, thin, black white, because those things won’t determine whether they can relate to you or not, it’s their qualities.I don’t think it’s gay dudes that are the problem, it’s the qualities of these people you are letting into your life, and I mean their CORE. Finding a good friend(s) is constant weeding. We have to constantly be weeding out the bad…weeds in order for your garden to bloom, even the weeds that are disguised as pretty flowers like dandelions, nope, just get RID of them all! LOL because your garden willl never reach its full potential if you’re harboring weeds that “look the part”! The metaphor was describing how we need to constantly be evaluating who we let into our lives, and to be wary of wolves in sheep’s clothing.

      Your straight friends just sound like they have the core values that you can relate to. I honestly think their sexuality has little to do with it. When it comes to a lot of gay dudes, there seems to be underlying subcultures of gay dudes that you have to sift through to find out their true intentions. If you met gay men that weren’t thirsty for dick/ass and had confidence in themselves and were just living their lives, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have been a problem, however, I’m not saying that finding such a person would be an easy task. Again, it’s not “gay men” it just those people. Keep an open mind.

  6. This is why I’m careful about my friends, but despite my big mouth in person, I have never had a serious falling out with anyone. I’ve had friends where I’ve fallen out of touch with, and people i’ve had to check for trying me, but it was never messy, and I never use social media as a way to get back at somebody. I have a friend I’ve had for ten years and I told her ” even if for whatever reason, we get into some sort of disagreement, I’m not going to cuss you out or disrespect you simply because of the long history we’ve had, and the respect I have for this friendship”. We share teh same values so we understand each other’s quirks and differences.
    Loyalty, communication, and the ability to compromise are critically important to me so if someone doesn’t have those qualities, they’ll have a hard time getting know me let alone being my friend.
    And I don’t like assholes, in general so I’m not about that lol. If someone cares more about social media likes than being my friend, then they can be friends with their social media, not me.

    1. I’ll say this though. I’ve had good friendships in my life, right now I have some GREAT friends, they are just awesome as people, BUT I’ve never had a “Star Fox”. Never had anyone I could be truly comfortable with my sexuality and have them understand my experience. I’m missing that candid-ness. I need that in my life right now, my friends do fulfill me, but I still feel somewhat empty, I’m not because I have never met ANYBODY that truly understands my perspective… my friends would still accept me if I came out to them, but I’m not stupid, that changes things whether they accept you or not. I’m not ready to be “the gay friend” just yet lol, I like where I’m at with them, (whether or not they’re already suspicious of my sexuality in secret, it doesn’t matter.)

  7. When a relationship/friendship/situationship of me whatever ends there’s no point in being evil. Karma is a true bitch and ALWAYS comes around.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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