jamari fox went to church today y’all.
i also didn’t blow up when i walked in the door.
that was a good sign.
star fox’s mother called and asked i wanted to come to church with them.
i was a little hesitant,
but i said, “why not?”.
i wore:

white dress shirt,
grey slacks,
black loafers/no socks,
and aviator sun glasses,

i looked good for being on a strict budget.
the topic for church,
as well as what i found myself in after,
showed me how god works in mysterious ways in my life.
god always has a message for me when i least expect it…

the pastor was talking about looking at others.
paying attention to their blessings.
feeling like god has left you behind while everyone else is doing well.
he also mentioned not giving up and finding your own strength.
that touched me because i have been feeling like that lately.
i have been feeling alone and kinda just in my world.
i look at these people on tv or other bloggers and ask:

“i’m just as good.
where are my blessings at?
has god abandoned me?
where is he?”

lets just say the church overflowed with the spirit.
i received it.

as i was leaving,
i felt this hand grab my arm.
i don’t do “random hands grabbing me”,
so of course i turned around with the “who the f?” face.
when i looked,
it was someone i use to know but not anymore.
he was this straight wolf i use to run with couple years back.
he was the “it” wolf since he was so good in basketball.
he played in high school and got a ton of accolades for it.
when i met him,
with a few others,
i stopped hanging with star fox to hang with them.
it was wrong as HAYLE,
but the cool kids liked me so i thought they would be my “friends”.
a word i have thrown around way too loosely in my life.
well that backfired really quickly.
they all talked about me like a dog behind my back.
lets just say i was replaced by someone else who was better.
they all went to every party,
all over myspace at the time,
and this particular wolf was in the newspapers as the star.
it hurt so bad and i will admit,
i felt insanely jealous.
i was wondering why were they were doing so well,
yet at the time,
i felt like i was going nowhere.
i immediately went into hiding,
grateful star fox even talked to me again,
and started to get my life in order.

well he looks like shit today.
he is fat as hell,
style is wack,
and his eyes looked incredibly sad.
he just wanted to say, “sup”.
i was polite and we spoke for a little.
he told me i looked great.
i wanted to say, “i know”,
but i bit my tongue as hard as i could.
he isn’t playing basketball,
got arrested a few times,
and is pretty much a hood rat slacker.
i remember his mama being so protective over him,
but i guess when he got the chance to go wild,
he did and never looked back.
i took his number,
but i won’t use it.

this taught me a valuable lesson.
one i will teach you.
stop looking at others.
their lives may look great,
and they maybe experiencing a ton of blessings,
but you don’t know what the future will hold for them.
the loser eating in the bathroom stall could be the person you need to know.
the cool kids of today,
the ones you strive to impress,
could bring you to your ruin.
they nearly did me.
so i don’t look at anyone else anymore.
i learned to pay attention to whats going on with me.
while they were talking about me,
i went and got my ass to work.
i worked and built my resume so i could develop skills and experiences.
i also wrote in little journals that have led me to write on this platform.
i nearly killed myself back then over these people.
ain’t it funny…
now he’s nothing but a washed up bball player who tried to dim my light.

funny how the tables turn, huh?