*This is what i wrote in my private journal.
It’s been reworded for the foxhole tho. I’m just writing my feelings out right now. vent incoming.
i saw ^that quote earlier and it stuckwith me. “what if it all works out?” how do you truly entertain a thought when you feel things won’t work out?
like,
we are all master creators.
we have made magic with just our thoughts and having faith. i got to thinking tho and…
imagine this.
you’re sitting in your house right now and you’re with someone else. boyfriend? fwb?
they want to try something new today. so he lays you down, ties you up, and puts a blindfold over your eyes.
you trust him, right?
i mean,
he’s in your home so there is some amount of trust here.
he could have been waiting patiently to tie your ass up and leave you there. steal your phone and rob you for all your shit. nope.
you blindly have trust that he’ll know what he’s doing. when you think about it, it’s pretty crazy but…
i have been doing a lot of thinking these last few days.
my mind has been all over the place.
the thoughts have mostly been about my life.
how things just don’t seem to work outfor me.
its like god has put me on this earth to be a joke or something.
the bible teaches about having this thing called “faith”.
it tells you that your faith should be the size of mustard seed.
well it has been.
it has alwaysbeen.
i try to be as optimistic as i can,
even though i can also be as pessimistic as well. well the times i was high key optimistic, i have been absolutely disappointed… Continue reading “Faith With Works Is Dead (Well For This Fox Anyway)”
there are things that happen in life,
where one must chooseto think positive and think fast.
like, when you get a flat tireand you are in the middle of murder’s alley,
or when you are at an event and someone shows up wearing the same thing as you.
moments like that when you’re forced to think positive,
because you can cause the energy to shift around you and WHAM! the shit storm will commenced all over your head.
so when i got a picture message from a vixen checking my mail,
with all the letters from unemployment today,
i immediately went into the “what if…” and “why?”part of my brain.
when they send random letters,
they want you to come into the office for that “let us know what you’ve been doing” shit.
tedious shit,
but if you don’t come in,
they cut your unemployment benefits off.
well i’m 1,146.8 miles away and i cannot go in.
i been trying to think positive all day. maybe it’s just them trying to catch up? maybe its worse than that?
who knows.
all i know is i’ll have to call them and tell them the truth of why I’m here. not much i can do, but why do i feel so scared to step out on faith?
maybe because when i did, during these potential shit storms,
god didn’t come through.
could be a reason. why does it seem easier for other people? ugh. let me go look at wolves or something.
you 
