if i had a son, i wouldn’t want him to be gay (but my daughter can be a lesbian)

i could be with a vixen tomorrow if i was straight.
i know so many beautiful and single black vixens that would bag me in a heartbeat.
we would date,
get married,
have the kids,
white picket fence,
and the boxer.
in an alternate universe,
that would probably be my life.


I am attracted to males in a world where that comes with its share of abuse and regret.

a foxholer sent me a video in my ig dms that i wanted to share.
it was from a white gay named nick norcia who said he wouldn’t want his son to be gay…


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A post shared by Nick Norcia (@nick_norcia)

and this is what the foxholer was saying in response to the video:

so although i can agree with the white gay in that reels video,
and i get where my foxholer is coming from,
i have to add a few points:

1 – White gays still come with privilege,
regardless of their complaints and temper tantrums.
they have their own set of issues,
but in the grand scheme of things,
they experience life way different than any black gay will.
It’s still very similar to how the white straights deal with the black straights.

2 – Personally,
I don’t want kids so there’s that.
If my kid happened to be male and gay tho,
I’d like to think I’d teach him of all the pitfalls that come with being in the life.
The issue for many black gays today is we weren’t raised well.
We hid our sexualities from our parents and learned how to be exceptional liars.
Some of us thought we would share our secrets with our parents,
but we ended up getting beat or thrown into the streets to be raised in the wild.

The abuse we faced is a generational curse that should be broken,
starting with YOU.

3 – Remember when we were kids and we wanted to be grown-ups?
Once we got into the real world,
we learned early on just how ugly life and the people in it can be.
I’ll be 110 and say we don’t have a lot of role models around us.
Many black gays are too irresponsible,
and come off unrelatable to those who aren’t.
that is all most of us know.

Some of the straights are good allies,
but they don’t know what it’s like to walk in our shoes.
This is when supportive parents come into play.
Since we know all of this,
we should not be giving anything less to our children.

4 – “Men destroy everything.” – a comment under the reels and that’s real.
that’s real talk.
Toxic masculinity,
bottled up emotions,
homophobia on 1000,

and being raised to be unapologetic whores is why some males can’t have nice things.
When you add being black and gay to the mix,
it can lead to a trail of destruction behind us.
The crazy part is some gay males are just like our straight counterparts and we can’t seem to see it.

5 – Lesbians have their issues too.
All sexualities and communities have their shit.
My vixens friends,
whether straight or lesbian,
tell me all the time that it isn’t peachy keen.

males have made me feel like i’m hard to love,
but i had to ask myself…

How can I expect males who are damaged and emotionally unavailable to recognize the amazing that is me?

this is why i’m stopped looking,
but if someone comes along,
i’ll entertain until it looks like a fail.

i would love to hear opinions on this from the foxhole.
i feel like a healthy discussion can come from it.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

12 thoughts on “if i had a son, i wouldn’t want him to be gay (but my daughter can be a lesbian)”

  1. I understand where the guy is coming from though as far as having a gay son. I wouldn’t pray to have a gay son. The stance stems from knowing all I’ve been through as a black gay male and how hard it’s been to find genuine friendships and even harder to find real love that has longevity. The internal/external struggles of trying to keep your business your business, because you know as soon as it’s out, it may make your life harder. Being black comes with its own stigma and being black and gay brings on more stigmas. Many things I’ve experienced in this lifestyle, I wouldn’t wish on anybody.

    However, we can’t control or determine our child’s sexuality, so I would welcome whatever I get and do my best to raise the child and prepare them for the ups and downs of life in general and gay life if necessary.

  2. The assumption that Lesbians have it easier is what bothers me. I have heard horror stories from my lesbian friends.

  3. It’s just me but i actually feel like that video was just a joke about men being trash (and they are tho) and should be avoided at all cost since he wants a straight son and a lesbian daughter.

    I don’t think it was meant to be taken that serious. Because if he was actually talking about the challenges that come with being gay, i don’t think he would want his daughter to be a lesbian.

    Even his caption is funny

    1. ^ it might have been a joke,
      but it triggered something within those in his comments.

      i’ve heard from others they wouldn’t want their child to be gay so it isn’t far fetched.

  4. I understand where he’s coming from but on the lesbian part if his daughter happens to be a feminine and physically attractive lesbian then she’d 100% have it easier but if she turns out a stud I don’t think so

  5. If I had a gay son, I wouldn’t mind and would love him no matter what. I would also share with him the knowledge that I have learned in life and try to get him to be a better person than me. I would want him to make better life choices and become stronger from the different hurdles in life that he would face. Also, if I had a daughter that was a lesbian, I would love her the same and use the same methods that I would use for my son. We have to realize that life will be tough for both of them, but the hurdles that we have overcome in life and lessons learned will give us an advantage with making sure they have a better life than us.

  6. Hmm I haven’t given the possibility of having gay children much thought because I don’t think children should have that worry. As a parent I want to safeguard my children’s innocence and make sure that I don’t project my own feelings and opinions onto them. I want them to be free to choose and decide who and what they want to be. I’ll support them and show them the ropes when they are ready to identify themselves. I also will teach them what gay is and how to be open minded and accepting of all people. I think around 10 is a good start on developing their sexuality and letting them find their way.

  7. Some of these gay Black Men who say shit like this i can tell they aren’t well cultured or experiencing in Life because they assume Straight Black Men are just better off and have no issues. Many people and their issues are based on their individual experiences but its not the law of the universe. That’s their own internalized hatred spewing out. Folks hate themselves and it’s sad. And Lesbian relationships arent much better. People better start loving themselves and stop subjecting themselves to bullshit. Find Peace and LIVE

  8. Everyone struggles in some way, shape, or form. Not all white folks are out here taking advantage of white privilege (which is absolutely stupid but I digress), not all women are out here living fabulous lives at the hands of hypergamy… I could go on, but my point is – being heteronormative is no cakewalk. The dumbassery heteronormative people put up with is insane. No wonder they project their insecurities on to others. At least a queer person or other minority can see who really fucks with them and who don’t.

    It never ceases to amaze how much people focus on the wrong things. Those dumbasses better hope their children come out healthy, smart, and kind!

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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