Have you ever come to a point in your life where you’re waiting for the plot twist?
not the ones that are in horror movies.
the one you are doing all you can to get by,
but you’re just waiting for that moment when your dreams finally come true?
i know you do.
i’m there myself.
i’ve been feeling rather stuck mentally and emotionally.
i wonder if i’ll ever live the life i desire.
yours might be a little different than mine.
whenever i watch shows like “insecure”,
“dear white people”,
and now even “she’s gotta have it”,
that’s how i picture the life what i want.
not the problems,
but the ambiance.
the background music.
living and loving at my most successful self.
that’s how i’ve pictured my life,
my current funds and anxiety try to direct my depression.
i can’t afford to do most things and i’m tired of most folks.
you can even throw a little “defeat” in there.
i don’t know.
i just feel like i’m waiting for the plot twist to happen.
life is weird.
i am living my “best” life.
folks have told me how they wished they had my life.
i’m not doing anything extra.
i dress to fit my personal swagg,
go the places that i want to go,
and stay the fuck out of trouble.
i’m in control of my own narrative,
but through these eyes in my own world…
i feel like i’m missing something.
yearning for something.
fiending for something.
believe it or not,
wolves aren’t my main concern these days.
they tend to be draining with the games and lies.
i don’t “do” toxic.
i want that “in 4k hd/black tv show” life.
maybe i’m being a dreamer,
but i want to see the beauty out my own eyes.
the plot is always interesting.
every scene has a song that fits that moment.
“we will always want more.
we are human.”
i’m grateful for all that i have now.
this is not a “ungrateful” entry,
but i’d be lying if i didn’t say i was feeling otherwise.
it could be me not really seeing/feeling it,
but i’ll know when i’m there.
my current background soundtrack…
how does that feel?