I couldn’t help but wonder:
Have you ever noticed how we can romanticize things to drown out the doubts?

when i first met a past wolf-turned-jackal,
but this can be any male i was really into…

i wasn’t attracted to him initially.

it wasn’t until someone pointed out how he was with me that i became interested.
personally,
i think he was into me heavy because it looked like i was paying him no mind.
he was use to others fawning over him but i was a shy little fox.
once the tables turned,
the power shifted and he became an asshole.
as he grew into his jackal,
i was silently and desperately hoping we would be together.

I talked about him in nausea to my friends,
breaking things down in hopes of answering my own questions.
I knew the answer tho.

looking back,
i learned being lost in uncertainty is what made me obsessed.
there was also the idea of the “straight male” being into me.
i couldn’t stop talking about them.
they became unrequited fantasies rather than the reality of who they were.
it might have been a backwards way of manifesting.

I’d imagine scenarios with us,
even jacking off to the thought of them,
all while ignoring the blatant red flags.
Ignoring my friends and even The Foxhole who could see what i didn’t.

i’m seeing the same pattern with meagan good and jlo.
all meagan talks about is her relationship with jonathan majors.
all jlo talked about was spinning the block with ben affleck.
both of these relationships were riddled with red flags they can’t see.
it’s pretty obvious when you really pay attention but they won’t want to hear it.

i know i didn’t want to hear it.

if you look at many couples on social media in obvious toxic relationships,
you can see they do the same too.
they all highlight the good to ignore the inner alarms of the bad.
stay woke (literally).