ya know, its funny...
it takes a near death experience to wake you up.
ironically that’s why i was up at 430 this morning…
yesterday i had a stressful day.
after that phone call from the scam artist,
i was completely over it and was low key depressed about everything.
i called my straight home wolf to vent.
he was also going through something as well and just wanted to chill.
when i got home,
for some reason it was freezing in my crib.
so what i did?
i went straight hood style and heated the house with the oven.
i was always told to put a pot of hot water in there when doing it.
i also ended up doing something i never did before as well.
adding a pot of water on the stove and letting it boil.
jamari’s nuts roasting on an open fire right?
i ended up taking a benadryl and watching a movie on the couch.
i awoke to this loud beeping noise.
screeching more like it.
i instantly thought it was the fire alarm.
nah it was a different alarm this time.
it was the carbon monoxide detector.
it was the same beeps from when the batteries were dying last week.
a foreshadow because i nearly didn’t replace the batteries.
well this time the beeps were longer than that.
when i put two and two together,
i realized my crib had filled up with toxic fumes.
the mixture between the oven and the stove created a recipe for disaster.
ya’ll i could have died in here.
the motive would not have been an accident.
it would have probably looked like a suicide.
“yeah he probably killed himself over not having a job.
he has had a pretty rough two years.”
“he has been depressed for a while so that must have been the easy way out.”
“i just saw him yesterday and he was pretty upset,
but i thought he was good.”
i ended up calling the fire department.
they told me to open up a window and turn my fan.
everything should be fine in an hour.
well it’s still on.
not for nothing i’m terrified to even go back to sleep.
all i keep thinking is the “what ifs” and the “how it would have beens”.
what if i would have died on the strength of an accident today?
how would it have been for everyone around me?
what i thought was a quick fix for being cold would have lead to my cold body in the ground.
i guess i didn’t realize how blessed i am until now.