i don’t hate you but I’m consistently disappointed

disappointment.
some people’s jobs in our lives are to disappoint us.
we build them up as these great characters in our heads,
but realistically,
it’s just a fantasy that may never come true.
that wolf you really liked,
that friend you really wanted to be cool with,
or even looking in the mirror at ourselves…

People are disappointing

so how do we stop disappointed with people?
we might need to accept people for what they are.
this is how they’re built.
it’s what travels through their dna.
it could be from trauma or life handing them constant bad apples.
you thought they would be different,
and i’m sure they talked a good game,
but their actions continue to prove otherwise.

all throughout my life,
i’ve been disappointed a lot.
turning inside,
i’ve started to realize its my fault as well.
i took people for face value,
rather than look at each and every side of who they are.

He wasn’t like all the other wolves I liked.
I thought he wanted me by his actions.
He would give hella signs that he was interested,
but he vanished and left me wondering wtf went wrong?

That friend that I told something they did bothered me,
and we even had a whole discussion about it,
but they kept on doing the same thing we discussed.

That job I thought was the most amazing place because it had so much melanin.
The first day I met my ex boss,
I thought she would turn out to be a mentor,
but clearly she ended up being a demon like the rest.

one of the things i’ve realized is when i look back at all these scenarios,
they all had bright ass red flags i chose to ignore.

That same wolf has ghosted others when he pulled them in.

That same friend has a history of doing fucked up shit to his other friends.

That same job and boss I was warned constantly about when I got there.

sometimes,
we have to take accountability so we aren’t disappointed.
not everything is our fault,
but if we pause for a second,
we’ll see exactly where this person will end up disappointing us.

lowkey: you can only change your own life.
you can’t change the way others chose to live theirs.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

1 thought on “i don’t hate you but I’m consistently disappointed

  1. I hate to admit it but disappointment starts with parents. TV & movies also have us thinking life should go a certain way with a friend or crush but you start to learn how weird people are.

    Low-key I’m having a hard time coming to terms with it. I try not to slip back into my fantasies of having the perfect boyfriend because I know it’s not realistic and will probably never happen. But I can’t help it.

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