settling.
i always compared settling to shopping.
i know, the label hoe within my spirit.
i always felt like settling was going into one store and seeing a shirt i really liked.
they had no more in my size.
just the one in a bigger size that i know can’t fit me.
instead of maybe waiting for a few days or going to another store somewhere in the city,
i buy it in fear of losing out on such a great item.
or, never being able to get it because of fear.
come time to wear it to an event and it is too big and very ill-fitting.
i kick myself because i could have picked out another shirt or go to another store and see something better.
that seems to be the problem some of us having with dating.
we aren’t label whores when it comes to wolves, foxes, or even hybrids.
we just pick anything with a cute face, nice body, and a fat wallet.
seeing as how this lifestyle is “high on demand” and “less on quality“,
i often wondered if it is okay to settle for something that may just not be your perfect fit?
just pick up any ol whatever in the event we won’t be alone.
deal with whatever until we’re bored with him,
or until he shows us that he is really cheap material.
when it comes to settling…
Are we just doing it so we can say we have “it“?
star fox’s ex has settled… and ya’ll, he has settled bad.
that bastard has made his way into a relationship made from a nightmare.
he’s with a verbally abusive hybrid-wolf that he thought was the shit (i wrote about him before).
it was actually quite sad to hear his latest developments recently.
so mister big hybrid has moved in with someone he settled with.
all his cheating has finally caught up with him through a big bitch named karma (or whatever that hybrid wolf’s name is).
but, here is the thing.
mister big hybrid was never even a hybrid at all.
he has always been a wolf.
but, because of not knowing who he is fully is and not wanting to hear “i told you so“…
he settled with a hybrid-wolf who turned him into a hybrid-housewife.
yes.
laundry.
dishes.
the works.
star fox tells me he has abandoned his career to cater to this man.
he calls him to complain about how he isn’t happy and that he absolutes hates being a fox.
by that he means….
the sad part is that he cheats on this hybrid-wolf with his true desire…
foxes.
he likes his ass where he can see it:
in his face or on his dick.
he loves aggressive foxes.
foxes who kinda look like star fox funny enough.
his hybrid-wolf is neither a fox nor aggressive.
he has dumbed himself down to be in a relationship to cure his loneliness and sadness.
how lonely can you be when you have your cake and ice cream, but eat it with no hands?
secretly he would rather be with star fox,
but that ship has sailed and he missed that boat about a year ago.
he does this thing where when star fox isn’t around,
he wants to be with him.
so he is a wolf who is with a hybrid-wolf who has turned him into a hybrid-fox,
who he cheats on with foxes and the occasional jackal.
oy vey.
sounds confusing as hell.
but, i wonder why he is doing it?
shit, i often wonder why anyone else does it?
it is all well and good until you wake up one day and realize you aren’t happy.
that is until you head to jack’d, a4a, or bgc to find what you really want.
dating is like being on a movie set sometimes.
we don’t care about the extras.
they are nobodies.
we just want the real star to show up and steal the show.
so i started to wonder…
Are we just with stand ins until “he” finally arrives?
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I’ve learned by now that a lot of people would rather be miserable and in a relationship than miserable and alone. The relationship, although its toxic, is the source of some feeling. It gives people something to do. Something to occupy their thoughts and feelings. Even if they’re negative ones. We settle for companionship and attention. We settle because being alone is difficult.
And sometimes, it isn’t settling. Sometimes, its because we’ve normalized bad behavior. We said: ‘this is what’s its suppose to be like. This is my life. This is what I signed up for.’ Arguing and cheating and unhappiness? Yeah, that’s part of the package. It feels familiar.
I agree with both Jay and Jamari.
Different sides of the coin, but both valid.
I know this guy. Lets call him Derek. I met Derek on a night out with some friends. He was chilling with his boys. I saw him, he saw me, and immediately we started talking. Chemistry was crazy and we both knew it. Derek is fine. Actually, more than fine: Derek is gorgeous. 6’2″, honey brown skin, muscles, tattoos with one of the prettiest (and thickest) dicks I have ever seen.
Derek also has a boyfriend. They’ve been together three years. Sometimes the good outweighs the bad, but in this relationship it’s all bad. Derek is unhappy. Says his boyfriend can be really mean to him. Talk down to him. Treat him like he isn’t the five star wolf that he is (my words, not his). His boyfriend has cheated on him multiple times.
But looking at them, you’d never know. Everyone thinks they’re the happiest couple.
Why doesn’t Derek leave? Simply, he’s been in the relationship for three years, he loves him, and it’s easier for him to stay than to leave and start all over again with someone new.
So I know what you’re asking, “Random. What’s your point?”
The point is, plenty of people settle and sometimes they stay settled, not because they’re anxious to be in a relationship, but because it’s more convenient for them to be in one.
I know plenty of couples who aren’t really compatible, but it’s easier to stay than to be single and in a society that tells you only those in relationships are normal and have value, the pressure to be in something is far greater than the will to wait for something better.
Derek, poor guy, sounds like he has low self-esteem. If he has it going on why is he putting up with or dealing with someone who refuses to give a single solitary fuck about him?
That makes no sense…at all.
How is it more convenient to be in a dysfunctional relationship? Eventually that negative situation will end and why does the next guy gotta suffer because Derek didn’t know when to cut his losses or throw in the towel to save himself. He might love his boyfriend, hopefully he’ll learn to love himself more.
Besides, ain’t no need for all that good wood to go to waste to somebody who don’t even appreciate it.
Society is pushing its values on us all the time–I get that–but that has nothing to do with what is right for us individually. I can’t picture myself settling, much less settling for less. Life is too short for that.
Some people are trapped in this cycle of negative thinking, assuming that because it hasn’t happened yet it’s never going to happen,or worse, this is just the best I can do—period–so they don’t even attempt at going for what they want.
Forget all that. Go after exactly what you want regardless of what some wolf, fox, vixen, or whomever is doing, saying, or feeling about it. Find out works best for you. No one ever said, find out what works okay, what works for the next couple years or so, but find the best for you.
Sometimes this means learning how to be alone and not lonely with or without a relationship. Expect a man to be a man and not a fixer-upper or a completion.
We’re on the same wave. I don’t believe in settling, at all. It’s just not in my nature. I know that, ultimately, if I were to settle, I would be unhappy. I’ve tried it once and it only frustrated me.
As for Derek, I think at one point of his life, he wasn’t as attractive as he is now. So, that might play into it.
I’ve talked to him about leaving hos boyfriend, but of course I don’t want to be the source of their break up. I figure he’ll leave when he’s finally had enough.
He’s not gonna leave until he’s built up enough to do so – or possibly if there is someone out there…but that could lead back into the same situation.
But the important question is just HOW do you know how pretty & thick that penis is, Random? 🙂
Maybe I’m in the minority, but I’m used to it.
When I look around, I don’t see a whole lot of dudes settling. If dudes were settling, wouldn’t a whole lot more of dudes be in relationships? Unhappy probably, but still in relationships?
I see a whole lot more dudes who think too highly of themselves to even consider settling , or even compromising for that matter. The sad statuses and attention whoring on twitter, facebook, and instagram are a result of this.
Some of the dudes who slut around and attend sex parties on the regular are just getting their needs met until someone they feel is on their level comes along. The logic is flawed but that’s how they see it.
Settling is different from not knowing what you were getting into in the first place.
When you settle you’re basically accepting the fact you’re going to be miserable and you commit yourself to it.
I don’t think it’s the epidemic we’re making it out to be. Sure everyone has weak moments where they consider it, but few actually go through with it.
Most of the time people get caught up and don’t know the person they’re committing to and then they realize they bring way more to the table than their partner.
This >>>>>
I agree to a certain extent.
But I think it’s important to establish a functioning definition of settling. There are plenty of people who say they would never settle, but would willingly do it if it meant getting a man with a beautiful face and body.
Point is, settling comes in all forms and someone who thinks they’re too good to do so usually mean they’re too good to settle for someone who doesn’t meet their standard of attractiveness.
S/N: that hole looks a little abused, but still fvckable – it can take a pounding…
I can see & understand how someone settles; what I don’t get it becoming a fox if you’re a wolf. I mean, if I don’t like it, there’s no way you’re gonna get me to do it. I’m open to trying most things once, but if he doesn’t like giving up the azz…then don’t. Or is he so scared of being alone that he latched onto the first thing he saw – despite the alarms & red flags going off? Iont get that
Younger people are the ones that are the most acceptable to settle for stand ins. Here’s the way I see it. A stand in is mostly someone that a person wouldn’t mind being close to until someone better comes along. I’m not going to lie I used a person as a stand in my past and it got a little messy. I know that it was wrong but it wasn’t going to work regardless because we were both in two different places in our lives. When it comes to gay and bisexual men, we will settle for stand ins because of the fact that there is a shortage of men that participate in this lifestyle, so we just take what we can get until a man we want shows us interest.