gaslit

we don’t ever graduate from high school.
these days,
social media has made sure of that.
you clearly see who are popular and who are outcasts.
as usual,
there is always that underdog that rises up to put paws on necks.
they end up being “the fav“,
and for some,
also start morphing into those who they had issues with.

What happens when folks bring that favoritism shit into your circle?

yeah,
this is going somewhere

when i’m in a group setting,
i always want folks to feel involved.
don’t you hate when you’re apart of a group,
but someone(s) make it perfectly clear you aren’t their fav?
there is this wolf i know who addresses everyone in my circle but me.
from what i know,
he’s straight,
but he is attached to this one one particular wolf.
now that wolf and i are cool af.
we were friends long before this one came along.
it’s like we’ll be in a group chat and that wolf comes first.
every one else also gets his attention as well.
he’ll pretty much invite folks out,
but i’m chopped liver for whatever reason.
the rest make me feel involved.
they seem really oblivious to his actions,
but you can tell when someone doesn’t care for you.
they don’t move the same way with you like they do others.

in a group chat,
they’ll address everyone but you

when they invite others out,
somehow,
you didn’t get an invite

when they’re in your face tho,
it seems to be all love.
now before you ask

I did bring it to their attention.

if i have an issue with you,
i’ll pull you to the side.
of course,
he acted like he didn’t realize he was doing it.
after that,
things were all good and i felt involved.
now tho…


it’s back to how it was.
i had to wonder if i’m being jealous?
no one wants to feel left out among friends tho.
i don’t want to be “the asshole with the attitude”.
you play that role and those types will play “the martyr”.
so i’m left to just grin and bear it.
it’s making me not want to be around him tho.
i wanted to ask the foxhole…

Have you ever been in this situation?
How did you handle it?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

15 thoughts on “gaslit

  1. it’s definitely just you.

    you take every minor “slight” as a dagger to the heart. you overdramatize very minute situations & make a much bigger deal out of them than what actually exists. it all stems from your already present insecurities. you’re very intimidated by attractive, headstrong men, despite drooling over them. you want to be so desperately loved, admired and sought after by the “in crowd”. the MOMENT it appears that any one person isn’t falling all over you, you take it as… “omg! he hates me! the whole world hates me! im nothing. im going to die.”

    …yeah, pretty much sums you up.

    1. ^you know what brent?
      you dead ass right.
      listen a broke clock is still right twice a day.
      even though you came at me like an asshole,
      i appreciate you coming and leaving this.

      what i like about myself is even if someone drags me,
      there is still meat to mentally chew on and spit the bones out.
      i needed to read this because as i was thinking,
      i saw where i was wrong in the process.

      good look!

    2. (Brent)

      How presumptive, pretentious, arrogant, and rude of you. What a pathetic and baseless attempt to take shots at a person’s insecurities. Hard truths are one thing but to try to belittle someone’s character and exaggerate their flaws is an extreme character flaw within itself. However, it is interesting that you assume that just by reading a few blog entries that it gives you insight enough about an individual to give your lackluster opinion on the matter. I wonder, which youtube “Intro to Psychology” video inflated your ego enough to pull that one out of your a**? One could also say it appears that you so desperately need to feel important and to have your “intellect” (I use that term very loosely) validated that you need to belittle others. But that’s none of my business. But I digress…

      (Jamari)

      I have run across this scenario a few times and I consider myself to be very perceptive which allows me to pick up on small subtleties that most people seem to miss. So I definitely understand what you’re fonting. I have addressed the matter in similar ways in the past but if they continue to exhibit the same behavior I’d bring it to everyone’s attention separately. I have a low tolerance for intolerance so I tend to address it early on. However, you’ll have to analyze your group of friends and figure out who’s loyalties lie where.

      -Best of luck!

      1. I guess you missed the part Miss. Kellon where it is clearly stated that my assessment is accurate and true? You modern day homosexuals lack cognitive abilities & aim at being shady OVER being realistic or even intelligent in your approach. I know of what I speak. I have been reading and supporting this well crafted blog for years. Despite my degrees and higher levels of education, it does not require beyond basic human behavior & psychosis efforts to determine Jamari’s social or psychological issues. Most of the instability is spelled out in his own words. Calm down. It’s okay that someone in the world can AGREE with someone else’s evaluation without deeming it as hate or destructive criticism.

        1. They didn’t miss that part tho, they’re just voicing Their distaste in how you addressed Jamari, you may have been “spot on” but it definitely came from a place of trying to him make him feel low about himself, the “…. yeah pretty much sums you up” suggest you wanted him to feel like “yeap this is all you are” otherwise you would have included some positive reinforcement such as techniques to over come his reactions, but again you know damn well you wanted to be nasty about it……..Ya Bitch.

          1. If I allowed my feelings to get hurt every single time one of the stronger black men who framed my younger years made an attempt to redirect me, i would not have become as successful as I am now. We cannot expect to grow and mature into the finest specimen of our organic selves by wearing our hearts on our sleeves. If Jamari wants to make it to the mainstay of mainstream digital media, he will have to grow BALLS — big, nut filled balls that weigh heavier than his heart. The criticisms, racism, judgment and ridicule that he will face, pales in comparison to any of the direct or blunt statements that I have intentionally directed his way. I greatly respect and admire Jamari’s consistency, honesty & guts. I push him the way that my uncles, my father, my older brother, first boyfriend, senior thesis professor and husband pushed me. It takes real men to develop the character and Armour of another strong, successful man. You ladies certainly don’t say ANYTHING real or honest to push Jamari beyond his comfort zone. I do. You don’t have to like it, but the universe knows he needs it. If you all don’t stop being so goddamn sensitive, you too will continue coming home everyday to wallow in the misery of your own unfulfilled desires — meanwhile jerking off to the thoughts of light bright, Deven Hubbard pumping aimlessly between your crooked legs. UGH! the horror!

      2. Kellon I’ve noticed that people will behave that way when they are attracted to you as well. They are uncomfortable with the feelings they have for you, so they give you the cold shoulder. I personally find that type of behavior childish and I avoid people who behave like we are in junior high school. Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Brent the bitchy, white twink who’s always dragging Jamari and the blog? It’s apparent Jamari has him in his feelings about something, he needs to take that aggression over to Datalounge.

        1. I am a 37 year old, college educated, professional, masculine black man who is married to a 38 year old, masculine, attractive & college educated black man. We reside in a three bedroom home here in Maryland & we enjoy exercising, cooking, reading, hiking, watching football, ice skating, following politics, pop culture and going out to various lounges at least once or twice per month. It was my husband who actually turned me on to this website 3 or 4 years ago. The surface youthfulness of the site, paired with the latest updates in black queer “Hollywood” has always fascinated me. I greatly enjoy Jamari’s sass and conveying of details pertaining to the lives of homosexuals who is otherwise never know anything about. It obviously threatens you people whenever anyone like myself spews a series of thoughts, ideas and assessments that hit a little close to home. Instead of always patronizing Jamari & giving him he same baseless “words of encouragement” month after month, it would honestly HELP HIM if his audience were more open & honest about their perceptions. How can we help our gay brother grow as a person if we never share with him the true essence of his character flaws, shortcomings & weaknesss. Other than myself, only two other readers have ever publicly been transparent with Jabari — hence the reason this rather entertaining blog never grows beyond this isolated platform. There’s never any granting of advertising or further investment because you all are content as raging homosexuals in seeing him remain stagnant — poses no threat to your inability to move beyond your own stifled positions in the world. I guess “reading me” in the comment section highlights the doom that frames the majority of your daily existence. Lol! It’s sad honestly. But such is the life of a gay black man in America who lives to defend the mundane.

          1. Thanks for the think piece Brent. I’m gonna keep this short and sweet. There is a difference between constructive criticism and being outright nasty. You have an agenda and it’s not genuine. If you want to delude yourself in to believing that you have good intentions toward Jamari and this blog so be it. Have a good night.

        2. YOU have a good night as well. It’s obvious that you girls keep things short and sweet once I ignite a valid response because you aren’t mentally equipped to trade real ideas and truthful statements alongside me. I am not your typical, gay black blog reader. There are many layers to the ways in which i envelop and assess online content. This is what I do. I am a marketing executive. When I share my evaluations, they are coming from a real place of aesthetic & fact shaping streamlines. You all deliver through a series of emotions and feelings. Your inability to logically defend your points of view has everything to do with why a 5+ year platform is existing in the same place it did from its starting position. HELP, GROWTH, DEVELOPMENT & MATURATION aren’t always packaged sweetly — and quite honestly, shouldn’t be when it comes to preparing a double minority to take flight. Think about what is saying and trade your panties for real big man drawls.

    3. Well damn I don’t know if this was shade or read lmao

      What’s really going on between you and Brent Jamari….the kid been coming for your neck lately. Idk

  2. Honestly, you’ll probably never know why some people don’t see it for you and usually when you finally do find out its for a stupid reason.

    1. ^your comment is pretty universal it seems LOL 😂

      i wanted to at least get this off my chest.
      it felt good to do so.
      writing it out,
      even if it sounds stupid,
      helps a lot.
      the power of ✍🏽

      1. Jay isis right. If he speaks reciprocate, if he doesn’t, oh well. You should look into finding out your mbti, it could help you understand the way your mind works. 16personalities.com has a free personality test that determines your mbti, but the official test is like $50.

  3. i just want to font that i’m very grateful for my supporters on this platform.
    i’m also glad that i’m in a much stronger place in my life.
    i’ll be honest with you,
    reading that comment from brent had it’s points,
    but was still very hurtful.
    if i was in a suicidal place,
    as i once was,
    that would have really made me feel worthless.

    i had to ask myself last night,
    if i wrote what he wrote to someone and they went and killed themselves,
    how would i feel?

    “YES,
    THEY WENT AND KILLED THEMSELVES!
    WHEW!
    GOT RID OF THAT BITCH”

    …or would i have empathy and try to be more respectful?

    i’m not trying to play the victim or “woe is me” in this comment,
    but at some point in our lives,
    we need to ask ourselves if we’re going to far trying to “read” or “shade”?
    but you know what?
    i was raised differently so i address people differently.
    no one deserves that level of venom no matter how much you don’t agree with them.

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