depression and food took mandisa’s life

a breakup
a job loss

the death of someone close to us
setbacks that make us question our path
being ostracized from people we thought were our friends/family
struggling to accept not being straight

being violated and no one wants to listen or believe you/sides with the abuser

all these unwelcome guests can open the door to depression.
one moment…

…everything is going our way and the next,
we can’t even muster the energy to get out of bed.
depression wears many masks.
for some,
it’s about putting on a brave face,
perfecting the art of the public facade.

Its about the perfect look,
the perfect bawdy,

the perfect life,
and/or the perfect relationship.

for others,
it’s retreating into the shadows,
disappearing from view.
we all experience it differently.
some brush past it with minimal scars,
while others spiral into its depths.

reading about mandisa’s autopsy made me very sad.
she died due to her weight.
she was close to 500 pounds and found three weeks in a decomposing state.
when her friend passed,
it was as if her will to live went with them.
she clung to food for comfort and it ultimately consumed her.
i think she wanted to look at life optimistically and hang onto faith but it wasn’t enough.

Her story is a very real reminder: depression isn’t a one-size-fits-all.

many who walk among us,
including ourselves,
are leading seemingly normal lives.
the struggles do be real in the background tho.
we have mastered the art of being “on” while praying to finally be “off”.

to everyone out there quietly wrestling with their demons within the Foxhole,
please know and understand this:

You are not alone.
I see you and I’m with you.

so here’s to us,
the silent warriors that many won’t understand.
the ones who are fighting every day to stay alive.
let’s continue finding our light in the midst of the darkness within us.

Rest in peace to Mandisa.
May she finally have found peace.

lowkey: last night,
i listened to this song on repeat.

it reminded me of my mother.
this is another song i would always hear when i was with her.
the message behind the song is so powerful.

i didn’t realize it as a kid but i feel it heavy as an adult.
i hope it is able to help someone out there as it was a source of comfort for me last night.

read about mandisa’s autopsy: here

1 thought on “depression and food took mandisa’s life

  1. It’s a tragic situation on multiple levels. It’s astonishing because she didn’t appear to be that large in her photos, and being discovered three weeks after passing away is truly terrible.

    On a different note, this is one of the reasons why I dislike many relationship-focused podcasts. Many young podcasters seem to focus solely on discussing sex, body image, financial status, and materialism when it comes to relationships, which don’t reflect real life. The marriage vows include promises for better or worse, in sickness and in health, but people tend to avoid addressing the “worse” and “sickness.” It’s not about expecting your partner to be a caregiver, but it’s about having someone there who can check on you. Anything can happen; you might slip in the bathtub or hit your head, and having someone come home at night can make the difference between life and death. While sex is important, especially in your 20s, as you age and mature, its significance diminishes.”

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