i always tell people that when a loved one dies,
your spirit will always remind you.
there are some years you may forget but on birthdays,
or death anniversaries,
you’ll suddenly remember out of nowhere.

“ooooh,
this is why i’ve been feeling so moody.
it’s “such and such” death anniversary…”

some years,
you’ll keep it moving because you are in a good headspace.
when you are going through a lot,
the sadness feels heavier even though it’s years or decades.

love never dies even if their physical isn’t there anymore.

as you know,
i’m dealing with a lot in this new chapter.
i’m grateful for everyone who reaches out to uplift and check in.
every year,
like clockwork around memorial day…

one of my fav male soul singers is d’angelo.
sometimes,
i play his first album because of the feeling it gives me.
his remake of “cruisin” puts me in such a good mood.

his second album brings back so much nostalgia.
don’t even get me started…

on the video that was one of my gay awakenings as a kid.

from the lips,
to the chiseled jawline,
to the bawdy (a bawdy he was actually uncomfortable with)
he was a gorgeous and soulful black wolf.
imagine my shock,
after posting that last entry on x-twitter…

a breakup
a job loss
rejection
the death of someone close to us
setbacks that make us question our path
being ostracized from people we thought were our friends/family
struggling to accept not being straight
being violated and no one wants to listen or believe you/sides with the abuser

all these unwelcome guests can open the door to depression.
one moment…

i was introduced to tina turner at a young age.
to say that my family was obsessed would be an understatement.
i think many caribbean folks loved them some tina tuner.
today,
tina was called home and even tho i’m sad…

Continue reading “our legend, tina turner, was called home today” →

things tend to come full circle.
star fox and i were obsessed with “hiding in hip hop” when it dropped.
it was written by terrance dean and came out in 2008.
the book was about a gay male who told his tales about black dl hollywood.
he dropped hints about who was dl but never revealed names.
it’s very similar to how i operate on the foxhole tbh.
a short time after i read it,
i was connected to terrance and we spoke on the phone.
i told him that i was fascinated by his life and his journey.
i was also super ready to jump head first into black dl hollywood.
legit,
head first.
it made me want to write.
it inspired me to blog about a life i didn’t think existed.
i’ll be transparent but the foxhole was inspired tremendously by his book.
on star fox’s birthday yesterday,
a foxholer sent me some devastating news…

Continue reading “rest in power to terrance dean, author of hiding in hip hop and foxhole inspo” →

The marvelous and curated world of social media.

a place where we can fool and even convince.
we always font about this.

We never know what people are going through.

people are shocked that a beauty queen would take their own life.
cheslie kryst,
who was the 2019 miss usa and also a lawyer,
did just that today…

Continue reading “rest in peace to cheslie kryst” →