rejection is like the “don’t ask; don’t tell” policy.
the world will have you believing people have never gotten rejected.
they always get the guy… or girl.
they are masters of this thing called the love universe.
i’m here to tell you that is complete bullshit.
everyone at one point in their life has gotten rejected.
it can be a blow to the ego because in life we are told we can get anything we want.
“go after it and it is yours!”.
the ol team spirit routine!
sure that can happen with material things and a lifestyle,
but when it comes to another human with conflicting emotions as yourself,
that rule completely goes out the window.
i was thinking about rejection today and i had to ask…
Why does rejection fuckin’ hurt so bad?
i have been rejected in this fox life of mine.
it hurrrrrrrrt like a bitch too.
some were online hook ups where i got no reply after i unlocked my picture.
others where wolves on the street that completely looked away when i looked at them.
for every gain in this lifestyle,
i have also taken a couple “L”s.
there were 2 wolves that i remembered that i wanted so bad.
met them both on online chat sites years ago.
before i really knew myself.
before this site.
they were everything i was looking for in a wolf.
body,
own cribs,
apartments,
cars,
funny,
and had something to talk about.
one had a regular job and took care of himself from a young age.
pretty similar to my story.
he pulled up to my crib in a tinted out bmw.
i nearly fainted.
the other was a DJ who was working with some big time acts in the business.
he was new to the “lifestyle” thing of meeting guys.
i remember he pulled up to my crib in a tinted out black navi.
he had two cellphones.
he looked like “someone”.
i got moist.
with both,
we would speak on the phone for a long time.
we would have those long conversations about nothing in particular.
even had a few phone bone sessions.
when it came time to meet,
it went well or so i thought.
i never heard from them again.
the phone calls stopped.
the texts too.
i didn’t fuck so i knew it wasn’t a hit ‘n’ dip.
well the first wolf ended up being a fox.
it took an entire year.
he came back online with his intro asking to meet a “THUG TOP FOR THUG SHORTY”.
i knew i didn’t fit the mold of destroying his butt cheeks.
the other wolf was actually nicer.
he sent me a text a month later to apologize.
he told me that he got back with his baby’s mama and was only going through a phase.
i’m sure that was bullshit,
but he was an adult about it.
it hurt because they were the wolves i actually desired.
it didn’t help that after meeting them both,
i started meeting a lot of fakes.
people who were lying about who they were.
wolves who were my type but just wanted to fuck.
there was no connection like i had with the other two.
i got attached and i am not afraid to admit that.
i wonder why does rejection effect us so bad?
is it because we all just want to be liked?
as much as we fire off,
“well i didn’t want your ugly ass either bitch!”,
deep down we know that is bullshit.
that feeling of looming rejection casts a shadow over your self esteem.
makes you question yourself:
is it me?
am i ugly?
did i say something wrong?
was i detectable?
my ass not fat enough
what happened?
but we forget about all the people we have rejected.
the ones who didn’t fit our needs.
people we just knew we wouldn’t click with.
hell, even the attention whores get rejected.
so i had to ask…
Shit happens, get over it, and move on.
Honestly I’m to the point where I’ll no longer go out on the limb for dudes at all.
If they don’t show their hand first then no deal.
I’m determined to be the only one rejecting from here on out.
Rejection sucks! It keeps us from talking to each other’ and making connections. We reject ourselves before we even know if a Guy could potentially be interested in us. The issue is we connect his rejection of us with our self worth. We say to ourselves that his lack of interested is because there is something wrong with us. Our imaginations run wild and think of these over conplicated reasons as to why he is so wonderful and perfect for you and u just dont measure up. We forget that his thoughts and feelings are his alone and have nothing to do with who we are. His rejection is his. I had a hard time with rejection until I learned that I have no control over others. Im still nervous to talk to a Guy I’m interested in but when I do and I realize he isn’t interested it doesn’t hurt as much. He probably likes then light skin with tattoos. Or he lives more masculine or feminine than I am. Or hes not looking for anything serious. Or hes emotionally unavailable. These are things that make him incompatible with me. There’s a pretty good chance that after I got to know him that he wasn’t all that great to begin with.
Yes, we all have that fear of being rejected, but the intimidation factor plays a big role too. I’m that dude that gives himself self-inflicted wounds when it comes to talking to guys. Telling who is gay is hard, eye contact and a simple “wassup” means nothing in 2013. I do not want to be wrong, and the fear of being outed is what does it for me, I’m sure others feel the same. What if dude snaps, and then I will have to beat his ass? Like you said, when it all boils down we realize that half of these guys were not even worth it in the long run.
Its natural to get frustrated if a dude stops calling or writing. After you’ve met and had a chance to talk in person, it often seems as though the other party is interested in meeting up again, to eat or just chill, etc. At first, you think the person just missed your call and was busy with class or work. However, the next day when you text a hello message and don’t hear back, you get that feeling but try to ignore it. After a few days, the guy clearly isn’t going to call back, and we think something is wrong with us, but it has more to do with the cold mentality that many folks have. Throwing away a nice guy and not having the guts to simply say “I’m just not feeling you like that” is too much for most guys to handle. It requires real honesty, which is sorely lacking these days. Does rejection hurt? YES. However, its more important to find out what you want out of life and be confident in yourself, so if you find yourself on the wrong end of a situation, YOU can keep it moving. The key is not to become bitter or turn into the asshole(s) that treated you poorly. If you stay hung up on someone who doesn’t want you, why should anyone else want to be with you?
Jamari no human is perfect we all don’t want to hear no. I get rejected all the damn time ( shrugs shoulders) I guess it’s because I’m not one for hook ups and random sex. You would be surprised by the way I look how many dudes say ima call you. I’m not a jackel I’m not a freak I’m lookin for a lil more
^does it hurt your feelings?
I met this dude last year online and we met up at a club both with friends. We hit it right off. I knew we were good when his friends and my friends both were giving us the eye to wrap it up and spend some time alone because they were ready to go. We talked on the phone and had some good conversations. Well we went on a second date with dinner and a movie and had a good time. I was really feeling this dude which is rare for me, well after the date, I text the dude and told him I was really glad I hung out with him and look forward to hanging out again. Well I never heard from this dude, no call, no text. I was like whoa. I cant lie, that shit cut me to the bone. I played it over and over what did I do wrong, and then I told myself, well hell maybe I just wasnt his type nothing more, nothing less. I also thought, about all the dudes I had went out with and never bother to call anymore, so I could not even trip when it came back around. Well a side note to this story, I saw this guy at a party over the holidays and he came up to me and spoke, well hell it had been so long since I had seen him, I actually forgot where I knew him from and seeing him again, the dude looked like he had gain a few pounds and was actually looking kind of blah. I was like this is what I was tripping over. Sometimes you have to be thankful for rejection because it might actually be to your benefit because had you not been rejected, you may have actually missed out on the wolf, or fox you were actually meant to be with. I try to keep this philosophy with all forms of rejection from business to personal. You might not be what someone likes or want, but trust me somebody else is gonna love every thing about you.
^love this!!!
i want more!!!!
Rejection does hurt like a bitch sometimes. It has happened to me very little but I have felt it, and it comes in many different shapes and forms. I take it very well, I see it as their loss and I know they will be another so. More people need to think that way. I wouldn’t consider a dude looking away as rejection. It would be too soon to call that, more than likely it’s intimidation if anything.
And to answer your question. I have no choice but to pay it. You can’t let it get to you. It stings sometimes though…
Thanks for the package (condoms) Jamari! I got them in the mail today….they smelled good to (your cologne is nice and strong)!
^yes!
i’m so glad they arrived safely.