this movie was a trip.
Foxhole,
watch it now on HULU.
NOW.

we have to be careful what we wish for.
i’ve learned that many times tbh.
i’ve done it with wolves,
people,
and tbh,
transitioning to this place i’m staying at now.

it isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.
even though it drains TF outta you,
it either isn’t meant for you or meant to challenge you for better.

the pay off is you gain skills that the “easy mode” path didn’t.
i felt that way watching the 2023 movie,
“what you wish for“…

i didn’t ask to foster to a puppy.
i never liked the idea because i know me.
i’ll get close to an animal,
bond with it,
love it,
and train it only to then let it gotta go to someone else.
living here has been heavy on impulses with light chaos tbh,
so this puppy has been my peace.
i had the option to adopt and even though its a few hundred,
it’s not on my budget especially with the apartment deadline over my head.
well apparently in a message today…

black bomber jacket
black jeans
birkenstock loafers

these ones for reference:

Foxhole,
he looked mixed but he could have been white.
he didn’t look like a rican and dominican wolf i was use to in the new yawk forest.
either way,
i don’t know what TF he was but he was fine.
i took a random outing to TJ maxx with the person i stay with.
when i was looking around the store,
he was in the bedding section with who i assumed was his vixen.
i was looking for the men’s section because i needed socks.
while i got distracted by the many pairs of jeans they had in that store,
i noticed he was by himself and closer to where i was.

…but no,
okay,
wait…

my friend said to me over the weekend:

“life is really testing you right now.
you got a big blessing on the way.”

i need blessing with an s.
it felt good to hear but when you’re in it,
it can feel condescending AF.
last week was utter chaos.

a major blowup at the beginning of the week.
a heavy walking on eggshells the middle of the week.
a 10-person sleepover at the end of the week.
a weekend guest over the weekend.
a no real space to breathe all around.

i had an anxiety attack on friday when i saw 10 people trying to squeeze in here,
and then add on top of that…

i learned the hard way when everything came to ahead.

some people internalize
they’re ultra sensitive
they build stories in silence and then move like they’re facts

under stress,
it can get chaotic.
while i have done the same in past situations,
i found help so i could understand my crazy.
monday and tuesday were an absolute mess.
we had our first shared space fight,
which revealed a lot about each other.

i move on structure and clear communication
they move on impulses and emotions

it reminded me of my grandmother and it triggered me heavy.
after it blew up,
we made up,
but the worst thing happened the next day…

stress can look like chaos happening all at once.
it looks like someone handing you their overwhelm and calling it a conversation.
one minute you’re talking about buying trash bags that ran out,
next minute you’re defending your entire existence in a shared space.
i’ve learned something tonight…