i am a gay black fox who grew up in a mostly female dominated household.

granted,
there were sprinkles of males around,
but it was mostly female.
i can font that looking back at how i grew up…

i was trying to sleep and all i heard was barking.
it was 4 am.
chaos agent decided to foster another dog.
it woke me up out of my sleep and i was so tight.
i had to up at 730 am for work.
all the other dogs were quiet in the early morning hours.
the last puppy temperament was so chill.
he was 3 years old.
this new puppy is only 3 months old.

teething and restless.
heavy.

not only that,
i only knew this dog was coming the day before.
i just know i was sleeping but i was so annoyed.
in a rage,
i was gonna text all of my friends…

i loved “the butterfly effect” because it shows the dangers of changing the past.

cousin hybrid asked me today that if i could go back to a particular year,
one where all the shit in my life popped off,
would i change anything with the knowledge i have now.
ironic because earlier today,
i asked fancy if she ever misses anyone from her past.
i’ve been fantasizing heavy about someone from mine.
as fun as it would be to try and change the past…

i need a new job so bad that it kept me up all last night.
of course on a night i only slept 6 hours,
today had to pop off with the most issues and attitudes.
for one,
this job is a bridge that can’t sustain me long term.
with the way you gotta make 3xs the income to get your own spot:

it came at a good time when i needed it,
but the more i work at the job,
the more i realize this bridge is getting narrower.
working in a small suburban office is cool until…

you know what my biggest issue is with DL or curious wolves?
since everything is on their time,
you’re always catering to them to make “the move”.

that could happen tomorrow.
that could happen six months from now.
that could happen never.

all that back and forth is trash and honestly…

i been thinking that if everything that has happened these last 3 years,
even if i thought it was so negative,
was actually part of God’s plan?

this time last year of june 2025,
in about a month,
i was gonna come where i am now for a BBQ.
i didn’t want to come but something urged me to go.
when i left here that night to go back to new yawk,
i have on video telling my friend i was gonna live here.

“i don’t know how,
but i’m going to live here.”

and even though this transition wasn’t ‘a walk in the park…