today i was free so i was talking to jay,
a regular in the foxhole comment box.
we were talking about trying to find a good therapist.
oh you judging?
you could stand to use a session or two.
no but seriously…
we both agreed that we need a therapist who could relate to “us”.
i personally don’t want a:
or anything of the snow like
i would love someone who was black,
and can relate to my issues rather than judge.
someone who knows what an attractive black discreet fox deals with.
as we both came to a mutual agreement,
he said the following and i swear,
everything came to a complete stop…
“I mean he honestly doesn’t have to be attractive, but it would be nice to have a psychiatrist that at least has experience dealing with gay/bi issues. What is some ancient white woman or man gonna do for me? They don’t know the level of vanity and self consciousness we deal with. We deal with a unique kind of loneliness and depression in my opinion.”
…and there it was.
everything i have felt or wanted to express in the last two sentences.
it hit me straight in the gut.
explained why people say my eyes look sad.
i don’t know about you,
but this life we live can be a very lonely place.
it can makes us depressed and sometimes even suicidal.
no amount of “you need to love yourself!” can cure needing companionship.
bad enough people in the same life judge because we aren’t actively fuckin’.
vixens think thats all we do as well.
party and fuck.
fuck and party.
throw in some fashion here and there.
they think we all “yassssssssssssssssssss bitch”.
they diss the d/l,
but get intrigued when we are fuckin’ them.
they want to be us,
but still compete and will stab us in the back at any given notice.
guess what tho?
they wouldn’t survive a minute in our shoes.
they wouldn’t know what to do if they were treated like they were invisible.
getting hooked on wolves who are question marks and confusion.
“does he know i’m alive and does he get down?
does he know i’m alive and does he get down not?”
becoming addicted to looking at fantasies on instagram and tumblr.
listen the foxhole spans from the hood to hollywood.
a majority of us are lonely out here.
we have to watch vixens scoop all these fine ass wolves.
do not pass go.
biscuits offically burned.
you can deny it all you want,
or get fooled by the facades,
but its natural to want someone to love you.
no strings attached.
no ulterior motives.
no “jack’d and a4a” way of living.
when you are alone you know thats when you feel it.
that sadness that bonds us all together.
the thing that makes us all say “yeah i know what you mean”.
it ain’t easy at all,
but we try and make it work for us everyday.
lowkey: i still keep optimistic tho.
i will meet someone and we will be gravy.
this season for me is a lonely one tho.
i see how mean and bitter some people are.
i never ever ever want to get to that point.