being a creative and suffering with depression is a special kind of hell

“I suffer from deep depression, so my only release is music.” – kevin gates

what if you have no energy for that?
your creative outlet?
something that should make you happy?
i’m sorry foxhole…

the foxhole makes me so happy.
right now,
besides my friends,
it’s my only source of pure happiness.
from the recent death within my family,
to this mental drama of finding a job before unemployment runs out,
money is all the way funny,
working towards my career aspirations,
and these up and coming holidays on the way,
i’m completely burnt out.
everything on me is tired.
it’s like i’m sinking in quicksand and i don’t even care to pull myself out.

i’m not neglecting the foxhole.
hell,
i think i give this more time than i actually give myself.
i had a few things i wanted to write about tonight,
but i have no energy to care.
it’s not easy being a creative and suffer from depression at times.
when the depression his you,
it can bring you all the way down.
if i had money,
i’d be on the next flight out of here.
somewhere warm,
bright lights,
beautiful sights,
and energy to give me fuel.
i don’t really have anyone who cheers me on and keeps me motivated.
it’s draining when you don’t feel good enough.
that being fonted,
i’m on DND for the rest of the night.
i hope you can understand.

lowkey: this is me at the moment…

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

3 thoughts on “being a creative and suffering with depression is a special kind of hell

    1. Perfectly said Ke! Restore yourself J, you and your spirit comes first always no matter what/who may worry you. I Encourage you to Do/Watch/Experience things you Love/Enjoy/Bring Laughter and Listen to music that Uplifts & Breathes Life into you. Also, being around others who make you feel Motivated and Loved with no Expectations/Judgement provides Spiritual Nourishment for times like these. Indulge in your favorite Fresh Fruits/Lighter meals and Keep Hydrated. Take your time and Love/Focus on you Unapologetically. You are Love, Appreciated and on your way to Greatness!

  1. In the last years of Oscar Wilde, he uttered “I can write, but have lost the joy of writing.” After years of imprisonment, public humiliation, poverty and isolation from family; Oscar lost the joy of his passion.

    That’s where I am in my life. I know I’m a great writer but every time I pick up a pen, I have zero joy in it. I used to love the freedom of writing but my love turned into hate once I became depressed.

    It’s a terrible feeling, Jamari. So whatever you do… fight this. Find excitement in your passion. No matter what we’ve been trained to think, money doesn’t unlock freedom. Freedom doesn’t cost. That shit comes from within. Tyler Perry lived in his car when he created his first play. Maya Angelou unapologetically turned to sex work before publishing her first body of work. Don’t think for a second that this temporary situation will hinder your future success. It’s only a chapter in your life.

    As I fight to overcome my depression, I hope and pray you overcome as well. I’m in this with you.

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