i hate when some of the fellow gays do this.
not the fist pump,
smart ass.
that “not minding their own business” thing.
the ones who are out,
but begging for others to come out to make the world better.
lena waithe is who i’m talking about today.
she is an out actress/writer for “masters of none” and “the chi”.
she had a lot to say during the “essence black women in hollywood awards luncheon” on thursday.
this is what she said via “usa today”…
Lena Waithe didn’t mince words on Oscars weekend, using her platform at Thursday’s Essence Black Women in Hollywood Awards luncheon to urge her colleagues to be more open about their sexuality.
Waithe, who is gay and engaged to fiancée Alana Mayo, memorably won an Emmy last fall for writing the Thanksgiving episode of Master of None, in which her character builds up the courage to come out to her mother (played by Angela Bassett).
Waithe, who based the episode on her own experience coming out, pronounced her love and gratitude for Mayo from the podium at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. “I’m glad I can do that — profess my love to my love out loud in front of all of you,” she said. “Who knew that in 2018 that would still be considered a revolutionary act?”
The actress/writer/producer continued, saying she knows why those in the spotlight are “still hiding. Hiding because we don’t want to lose an endorsement deal. Hiding because they want to be ‘normal.’ Hiding because we don’t want to make white folks uneasy. But most of all, hiding because we don’t want to make our own people uncomfortable.”
But, she continued: “Being born gay, black and female is not a revolutionary act. Being proud to be a gay black female is.” Huge applause in the ballroom followed.
On Thursday, speaking before such luminaries as Angela Bassett, Ava DuVernay and Lupita Nyong’o, Waithe said they must be beacons for a younger generation and made a moving reference to one of her favorite movies as a child, The Wizard of Oz.
“There’s this moment in the movie when Dorothy’s presence interrupts the peace of Oz, which forces all the Munchkins to run and hide. So Glinda the Good Witch tells them to stop hiding. She tells them to come out: ‘Come out, wherever you are. Don’t be afraid.’ It’s interesting how things you hear as a kid take on a whole new meaning as an adult. Her words still ring loudly in my ears, especially today,” she said.
“So I ask those of you that are still hiding to come out. Come out, wherever you are, please don’t be afraid. And I hope that you know that I’m here to hold your hand whenever you decide to jump into this wonderful pool of people who refuse to be hidden. The water is warm.”
do folks realize that coming out is a very scary to some?
do they realize it’s also very personal too?
it’s not writing an episode on a tv show and getting an emmy.
it’s a life changing event that may or may not go well.
if it doesn’t go well,
it can drive folks to taking their own lives.
not for nothing,
but lena needs to worry about her own life and sexuality.
i’ve noticed she throws subtle shade at her peers for not “coming out”.
like,
it gives her nightmares and keeps her up at night.
it’s almost like she needs others to validate her own coming out story.
some gays love to do this and it annoys me to no end.
i’m here to font you:
Jamari Fox doesn’t care who is “in or out” of the closet.
even if i was out,
that’s still not my problem.
i care about myself and my own happiness.
some love to use celebs as their “leaders”,
but as soon as that leader does/says something they don’t like,
they are quickly dragged and “cancelled”.
so i’m here to tell the foxhole:
Do what you need to do on your own time
if you want to come out tomorrow,
or spend 1,000 years in the closet,
that is totally up to you.
i don’t think you’re a coward if you want to stay “hidden”.
i think you just aren’t ready and that’s okay.
unlike the rest,
i’m not here to judge.
as for lena: worry about yourself and your accomplishments love.
you’re doing a pretty good job with that already.
article cc: usa today
Whether and to what degree a person is “out” is an intensely personal decision. Such a decision should be made carefully. It may affect your relationship with friends, family, co-workers, etc. Choose carefully.
I agree with her to an extent. The more people who bravely come out the better. Because folks will see there are more gay people than they expected in more places than they expected.
On the other hand, a person should never come out if they feel their lives or in danger or they could be hurt economically. I know too many young people in Baltimore where I live who were thrown out of their homes and are living hand to mouth. You will also need emotional support.
I was married for damn near 20 years and went gay in my early 40s (read my blog for that story). I came out to my Moms, children and close friends and family. They have been nothing but supportive. I am very lucky and my heart aches for people on this chain like DaRealist (God Bless You Brother) who were not so fortunate.
You totally misconstrued her words which does not surprise me. She’s practically saying what you’re saying as well. But you’re such a self hating human being that you decided to what call her out on the same message you’re conveying? You’re attempt to read her for some attention is sad. This blog is safe haven for self hating gays. Idk how you manage to turn her extremely positive speech into something negative but you always manage to do so. Smh.
^ i thought you left jimmy?
This is very real. I developed really bad anxiety from people merely accusing me of being gay. Religious family is the main culprit. Funny how they can call themselves Christians and oppress others for who they love.
Coming out is a process, and if a person is not ready, then it is what it is. Lena just needs to remain in her own lane because a mass coming out will not happen anywhere near Hollywood. Also, as another poster already said, lesbians are way more accepted than what gay men are.
It seems easier for lesbians to come out and be accepted imo.
Totally on the fence with this one. I feel it can go both ways DEPENDING on the person.
Coming out can be terrifying and scary but can also be empowering and uplifting.
There will ALWAYS be a sense of accomplishment when one goes against the odds. This may be a personal battle where they want to be themselves without fear.
It’s like overcoming stage fright, black overcoming oppression, women demanding equality.
This is the other side of the fence. You just never know who you may inspired to come out but no one needs to be forced to period.
It depends. In theory, if I come out to religious parents, what would happen? They would disown me and….then what? I shall moan & groan about it, or just realize that life still goes on and if you lose that parent so be it. Move on forward. You live your life the way you want when you become an adult, not the parents fantasy of how they think you should live… I.e. The American Dream.
Think about it…you need folks around you that will support you. Humans are an exceptionally weird species in that they feel they don’t want to come out because they care what others think bout them. The prefix of family appears to be branded from the word familiarity.
If someone loves you, they will accept you out of love.
Still, as an adult you should be able to do what the Fawk you wanna do and you DONT have to answer to anyone.
I’m discreet. I have this rule, “If we aren’t f*cking, how and who I’m f*cking is none of your business. End of discussion. You don’t like. Oh okay. Moving forward. It’s more of a mental game than a physical one.
I’m gonna be honest. I’m a bit confused about this post. Lena didn’t seem to be judging, from my perspective. I didn’t see her speech (and maybe the tone was different, live) as pressuring anyone to come out or judging them for not being out. From what I read, she was delivering the same message that you delivered: “Come out in your own time.” If anything, I saw her as being encouraging and saying “it’s safe, there are people here for you to support you, should you make the choice to come out.”
I came out to my parents (honestly, not totally by choice) back when I was still in high school and I don’t really have a relationship with my dad, as a result. There’s also been an incredibly stressful line between my mom and I since my coming out. I think I would have stayed in the closet a bit longer, or would still be in the closet had circumstances been different. But I also believe that my coming out gave me a new understanding that allowed me to be more open and a safe space for all types of people, regardless of sexual orientation (most of my male friends are straight).
I don’t think she was telling/demanding that anyone come out of the closet. It looked more to me like she was publicly stating that there is a safe space for anyone who may be on the fence about coming out.
Admittedly, I held your stance at the beginning, and I’m still on the fence. I definitely see this side to the coin too.
Some of us didn’t/don’t have the luxury of coming out. Our families, situations, lives are all different. I wish that when I came out it was a pleasant experience. I still don’t have a good relationship with my family behind the experience. I’m happy to be able to life my life freely not but, if I could go back in time, I would have never come out
^that is sad.
i’m sorry your experience wasn’t good darealist.
you touched the point i was trying to make:
“Some of us didn’t/don’t have the luxury of coming out.
Our families, situations, lives are all different.”
it isn’t all rainbows and sprinkles for some as darealist is a perfect example.
I come from a VERY religious family.. you already know where that’s going… My family practically disowned me. I have 2 brothers who we still can’t be in the same room together without there being an argument. Its been almost 20 years now. My mom and I are just now on speaking terms, we didn’t talk at all for 4 years. She told me I was going to hell, that I wasn’t her son. If I could NOT have this be my reality by not have come out, I would’ve never done it
Interesting commentary. I think the conversation still needs to be had, but I agree with you Jamari, instead of targeting the LGBT who feel oppressed by the system that silences them into fear, if she shifted gears and criticized our society or system that forces a lot of LGBT into these situations where they feel forced in the closet. I’d be with her. As you suggested Jamari, many are in the closet for a reason. Some people are fully closeted, half in/half out fully out and everything in between. There are just some people that really just don’t need to know your buisness, and it’s better (sometimes for one’s livelihood, reputation, sanity, and/or safety) that they don’t.
I like to pick and choose who knows that about me. I don’t always want to be “the gay guy”, being “the black guy” is enough of a label for me to deal with at one time lol.
Don’t blame us, blame those who forced us into these situations. This is why I sympathize (in part) with the DL. It’s not easy, and they’re tormented, as we are.I try to be strategic about my sexuality. It’s. Not.Always. Easy. smart,or safe.
^i LOVE this comment d.
hit the nail on the head.
I totally agree with u Jamari. There are a lot of out and proud individuals that beg people to come out and say how they will support them. But as soon as the “closeted person” come out they get a congratulatory message and never hear from those out and proud folks again which in turn leads the newly out person into lonely and sometimes depressing place.
When a person is ready to come out they will. No need to force them.
^right!
these folks don’t become their friends or keep up with them.
they leave.
you have to very comfortable inside to come out.
i wrote about that in a past entry too.
it is very real.
I wouldn’t have even thought she would even have to come out. She’s very masculine. In fact my grandmother thought she was a man.
^i’m not gonna drag her looks.
ima drag her need to not find the nearest chair and find a place to sit.