photo credit: hbo
dating is hard.
getting to know someone is hard.
it’s all hard.
you meet someone you’re interested in,
you talk for hours,
fuck for hours,
and then they just up and dip on you.
they could text you to ask if they can come through,
but they can’t use those same words to let you know they need a minute.
they can fuck a stranger they met raw,
but be scared to let you know they aren’t interested.
it’s really disrespectful,
but after watching “insecure” i had to wonder…
Are many people out here dating with severe mental health issues?
it was interesting to hear nathan and issa’s conversation…
if you watched “insecure” last season,
you knew that nathan and issa were kicking it.
nathan up and ghosted issa with no explanation.
she spent an episode of that season desperately trying to find him.
in the last night’s episode of “lowkey trying”,
they are in a better place and he admitted he ghosted her because he was bipolar.
there was a wolf i know.
i thought we were cool tbh.
when the rona first started,
i sent him a text asking him if he was okay.
never responded.
he would watch my ig stories and then he just stopped.
before all this,
he would “show up” in my life.
every time we were around each other,
i got the impression he wanted more from me.
i wanted the same,
but once he stopped fuckin’ with me,
it made me question myself and if i may have done something to offend him.
that is what ghosting does to people because it’s so abrupt.
it made me dislike him because i thought he was different.
i’m so sexually attracted to him tho:
ugh.
i had to ask myself after watching that episode tho:
Are mental health issues the leading cause of misunderstandings out here?
for bi and gay males ghost for a number of reasons.
it could be:
After they finally beat
He a hoe
The conversations were boring
He is way too popular and you’re a number to him
He is in “something else” with someone
He is intimidated
He is jealous of your come up
He is insecure (no pun intended)
Realized he ain’t shit and you deserve better (if only some were more considerate, right?)
when straights think they’re so different from gay males,
i laugh.
men are still men.
for many unspoken ones tho:
They are battling inner demons that won’t allow them to let their guard down
some days,
i get so down,
i don’t want to talk to anyone for that day.
instead of going completely ghost like i use to,
because i would ghost for days on end until i felt the need to resurface,
i’ll let those closest to me know that i’m having an depressive episode.
i’d let a partner or potential know i need a minute to get my thoughts in order.
for some dudes,
you don’t have hierarchy in their lives for them to explain that to.
we don’t talk about mental health and dating other males tho.
males in the life have a lot of trauma or insecurities they don’t talk about.
it tends to show it’s uglness when you want to get close to them.
no matter how good they look,
some have a ton of shit going on that is confusing af to those that want more.
there is a lot to unpack and often times:
It truly isn’t about us
it really is just them.
This episode was needed, Mental illness is STILL TABOO in our community and rarely ever is addressed unless we’re calling someone crazy in a derogatory way with no actual medical information to back up our claims. Then many of us are toxic in our forms of communication failing to recognize that we self sabotage our love lives by our lack of honest consistent communication. So quick to call ourselves petty, savage or etc while cutting folks off prematurely. This episode was everything I cried lowkey at the end. Just gave me feels
No he ghosted you because he just wasn’t that interested….It’s not that deep. People are not really owed an explanation for why someone is no longer fucking with them. Really doesn’t have nothing to do with being mentally unwell.
True to a degree all relationships are at will, but it is mad insensitive to leave someone hanging. Why give a explanation of why you’re Ghosting someone if it’s not a transparent one. Just say I’m not into you.Thats the ultimate fuckboy move, to disappear on someone who likes you with out a what or why.
^right!
there is no excuse to be an asshole.
that can cause trauma with the person who was ghosted.
at least be upfront or if you’re scared,
say you are talking to your ex or something.
People think they want the answer but deep down they ain’t ready for it. Because if he told you the truth, would you still not be upset? It ain’t good to be a fuck boy but folks are becoming way to entitle these days. Y’all be miserable regardless of the income.
Outcome^
I’m not sure if I can buy into this. Sounds like the next fuck boi excuse. “I disappeared because I had to take care of my mental health.” I’m sure some people do that. Especially in the black community where we treat mental health issues as something to mock and therapy as a white people thing.
I think most ghosting is because it’s easier. They don’t have to be honest. They don’t have to close the door. They can leave us to come up with a thousand reasons why he never called back but is always active on social media. If at some point they decide to come back they didn’t tell us they left us for their ex or because any reason that would permanently friend zone them.
I’m sure some people ghost because of mental illness. I have social anxiety and have literally found myself laying in bed unable to move out of pure fear. Most guys aren’t dealing with mental illness. They are dealing with, I might want the pussy later and I don’t want to deal with him being mad at me.
^excellent point too brian.
imagine the “i’m bipolar but i never went to a doctor, i just figured out i am on reddit” new way of being a fuck boi? 😂
Not the case at all. You never know and can’t assume. I think we’re too quick to assume in this generation that someone ghosted due to being sexually promiscuous and I think we use the term fuckboi too loosely when someone doesn’t behave in a manner that we deem fit. I think sometimes people need to acknowledge their role in the outcome of events also.
I had that happen. A dude I was getting to know just dropped off the face of the earth. And when he resurfaced months later he was like he Was sorry but he had, had a mental breakdown. I knew some of his mutual friends and after I had spoken with him they told me that he had ghosted them as well. I think communication is hella important but I also think it’s important to meet ppl where they are. He and I did not work out needless to say and sadly he wasn’t the only mentally challenged dude I talked to. But each situation I made sure I didn’t try to save them but made sure I could leave with a friendly understanding that while we couldn’t be a couple we could be cool. That’s my 2 cents.
^love this answer.
we often get offended when someone ghosts,
but we never truly know why.
it’s not for us to try and find out the answer either.
sometimes,
they come back around and other times,
it just wasn’t meant to be