2am Thoughts

writers block.
the thoughts in my head and all over the place.
i haven’t had any peace of mind since i was kicked to the curb.
all i been doing is laying on my back.
or my side.
or my stomach.
yes,
i did take showers and get some food.
not having much of an appetite tho.
i’m just existing right now.
my bed is an island and i’m the only one on it.
for someone who is supposed to be “resting and relaxing”,
or “getting his mind together”,
i’m doing a horrible job.
it’s just all these random thoughts leading me to horror.
foxhole…

i’m stupid depressed.


i was angry,
somewhat content,
and even optimistic at one point,
but now i’m just emo.
hell,
i’m surprised i’m up at 2am writing this.
the last few days have been a bit of a mental adventure.
all this “trump” shit ain’t helping either.
it’s got me wondering if i’ll even find a new job?
do i even want a job?
it seems like God is telling me the “9 to 5” life ain’t gonna work.
he opened a door and then i fell down a flight of stairs.

i just want everything cancelled.
maybe it’s time for a new start?
maybe it’s time to find a new me?
maybe it’s time to just realize things won’t change unless?
that’s the part i keep dwelling on.
the “…” part.

that’s all i can font about “me” at the moment.
this too shall pass.
back to my island i go.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

25 thoughts on “2am Thoughts

  1. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You’ve been in my prayers. I am not really sure what to tell you. I wish I knew the right words right now. I do know nothing will change until you decide it’s time to do something to make it change. I pray you find your inner strength to get off the island to find the life you deserve. It’s out there. Go get it. Maybe it’s in NY. Maybe it’s not…but it’s not on that island

      1. Get U some! That is best relaxing tool you can use. Find somebody and use their tool to relax you. Or you could go workout. Your choice.

  2. Stay prayed up ,God is always there you are so very loved by so many readers, you are a beacon for so many , let go and let God keep praying on your island, and a change is gonna come.

  3. God is trying to tell you to pursue your passion. Your creativity is where your money is. You have a great writing style explore that whether it be obtaining ads for this site, writing a book or a screenplay or submitting stories to magazines. You find your passion and the money will follow.

    1. ^my mind is seriously feeling me that.
      this job didn’t work out because it wasn’t meant to be permanent.
      id rather be doing what I love than make someone else rich and draining my energy.

  4. What you are going through right now is Normal Jamari. It is grief, we grieve every time we lose something, even as small as a dollar. The seven stages of grief is a reality and they don’t always go in order. Everyone deals differently.Typically, the seven (7) stages of grief are described as:
    – Shock or Disbelief
    – Denial
    – Anger
    – Bargaining
    – Guilt
    – Depression
    – Acceptance and Hope
    Just Know, “This Too Shall Pass”
    Sending Positive energy.

    1. ^i had to copy/paste those signs of grief.
      im definitely on the depression part of that programming.
      im moving into acceptance and hope slowly tho.

      thank you d w.

  5. Don’t lose hope. This is momentary. Have confidence in your work experience. Your next job will be finding a new job. Think about what you really want to do and follow that passion. You’ll be fine.

  6. As depressed as you are, the only thing that will get you thru this is confidence. I used to be a paralegal and I quit because my boss was The Devil. I worked at a whiskey bar in Long Island City called Alobar and things were alright for a while. Management changed and was just too verbally abusive. I heard about doing events with an agency and I get a full time overnight job with the agency and I got to pick my own schedule when they had events on the side. I moved to Florida and had no job, so I had no choice but to look for agencies to do events and I made some great contacts and great money all while doing what I love. I work when I want and turn down what I don’t want. Point I’m trying to make is that a LOT of us young people are freelancing and doing temp work. You can be a freelance writer or blogger. Do the research and find agencies that will hire you based off of your skills and build your own schedule. It’s like you are your own boss in a way. Don’t let this depression have you beat. The foxhole sincerely loves the safe space you have made for foxes and wolves of color.

    1. ^this is what I want!
      for blogging and writing tho!
      what’s the point of doing a job when i have such a gift in the background?
      it is pointless and im exhausted.
      ill do more research on getting paid to blog and work freelance.
      that seems more up my alley.

      thank you f&s.
      if you hear anything,
      please let me know!

  7. I know it’s hard to hear these words of encouragement right now when all you want to do is sleep and cry the pain away. The same way you gave your all at these jobs you have to do the same to beat this funk. Please don’t let it keep you from reaching your true potential.

  8. Seen this episode to many times before. These are emotions I had when I quit my first job and it feels like yesterday. It took me a week to get over it tho, and I regretted after enduring so much abuse from colleagues. 4month later, I was appointed to a sustaining job with the government that payed well. In order for this to happen, I had to get off my ass and press on cause only I could make a change. Although Im working, I’m creating my own business because I know I just get tired of the 9-5, when its possible that it can be done in my sleep by selling merchandise online. Sooner or later, I will quit and lead on a life of less cares and being happy. Jamari it 2017, think about something that makes you happy and how it can make you money. Also, I wonder what you do for a living and you have a PR niche to me.

    1. ^thanks my!
      i did a little pr,
      but I feel writing is more up my passion alley.
      i come alive with entertainment stories and everything I post for the foxhole.
      these 9 to 5 are a hamster wheel to me at this point of my life.

  9. Why must “god” be the central theme for anyone going through a rough patch in life? Sorry, but I must offer some push back against this stagnant way of living life. If you think “god” is responsible for all the good things in your life then isn’t logical to say he’s to blame for the sour smelly shtt that gets thrown in your face when life farts on you? Yes, I’m an atheist so forgive me for not understanding the logic of you religious types. But if “god” is what gives you the fortitude to master your fears then who am I to take that away from you.

    Just know that you are failing to utilize the most power resource available to you. YOURSELF.

    Anyhoo, I think you’ll be okay lil buddy. You have good people rooting for #TeamJamari (even if you’re not rooting for yourself) 😗

  10. Grow up…. get ya ass outta bed and take care of the responsibilities you do have control over. You have many people who flick on their computer and check your blog like its a daily newspaper. For you not to recognize that and respect it…shame on you. Cut this woe is me shit out – you have a means to make income …. do right by this site and those who are in love with it.

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