i woke up with something on my spirit that i wanted to share with the foxhole.
i went to bed with ari lennox and her beef with the “soul train awards” on my mind.
this was the first thought when i woke up.
We HAVE to stop chasing things/people/males that don’t want us
i have been suffering from it but i had my “a-ha” moment last night…
we have to start giving our energy to the things that appreciate and feed us.
often that not,
we want the wrong people/things/males to appreciate us and it leaves us empty.
nothing matches the burn out and sadness from chasing those who run away.
that un-wanted feeling of trying to fit in.
your first sign is if you feel drained after being with them.
humans need validation,
Why do we seek validation from those who could care less about us?
is it the chase?
low self esteem?
wanting to feel “wanted“?
as a black gay male who is semi private,
i’ve come to realize that i don’t fit in the straight or gay forests.
i never really have.
as an intro/extro,
i’m always at constant conflict.
i’ve always felt a disconnect in both worlds.
both worlds are quite similar.
it has it’s cliques and it’s “levels of how much we will fuck with you“.
the more you have to offer; the more you get used.
the mixxier you are; the more folks will want to be around you.the cool kids always make the grade and everyone else is a lesser.
i want the foxhole to try and dead the need of chasing in all aspects.
it’s all about finding your tribe or being your own solo act.
we have people in our lives who want us for “us”,
but we tend to find a challenge in those who don’t.
those folks will stand and fight armies with you.
feed off of that.
i gotta remind myself:
Those who want to be in my life will make an effort to be there
lowkey: don’t beat yourself up if this takes a while to set in.
mistakes will be made until we get it.