your house slippers are more comfortable than your track shoes

i woke up with something on my spirit that i wanted to share with the foxhole.
i went to bed with ari lennox and her beef with the “soul train awards” on my mind.
this was the first thought when i woke up.

We HAVE to stop chasing things/people/males that don’t want us

trust me,
i have been suffering from it but i had my “a-ha” moment last night…

we have to start giving our energy to the things that appreciate and feed us.
often that not,
we want the wrong people/things/males to appreciate us and it leaves us empty.
nothing matches the burn out and sadness from chasing those who run away.
that un-wanted feeling of trying to fit in.
your first sign is if you feel drained after being with them.
humans need validation,

Why do we seek validation from those who could care less about us?

is it the chase?
low self esteem?
people pleasing?
wanting to feel “wanted“?
as a black gay male who is semi private,
i’ve come to realize that i don’t fit in the straight or gay forests.
i never really have.
as an intro/extro,
i’m always at constant conflict.
i’ve always felt a disconnect in both worlds.
both worlds are quite similar.
it has it’s cliques and it’s “levels of how much we will fuck with you“.
the more you have to offer; the more you get used.
the mixxier you are; the more folks will want to be around you.the cool kids always make the grade and everyone else is a lesser.

i want the foxhole to try and dead the need of chasing in all aspects.
it’s all about finding your tribe or being your own solo act.
we have people in our lives who want us for “us”,
but we tend to find a challenge in those who don’t.
those folks will stand and fight armies with you.
feed off of that.
i gotta remind myself:

Those who want to be in my life will make an effort to be there


lowkey: don’t beat yourself up if this takes a while to set in.
mistakes will be made until we get it.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “your house slippers are more comfortable than your track shoes”

  1. Those who want to be in my life will make an effort to be there


    I needed this affirmation.

  2. Ehh. Too many people take good people for granted. And the people they took for granted becomee the cold-hearted cool kids. @ me when people start appreciating those who want them and not crying when they’re gone.

    1. This. I’m now that cold-hearted person. I’m not “cool” though lol. But I’m cold and I like it now. It’s liberating. Fuck other people.

  3. “Those who want to be in my life will make an effort to be there.” Sometimes. Our enemies will make an effort to be there too , especially if they are mooches. Then we have some people who aren’t there because they themselves are suffering emotionally. Sometimes distance is a sign of depression. Every situation deserves a fair trial.

    “We HAVE to stop chasing things/people/males that don’t want us.” The problem is often that – if we don’t even want ourselves, how can we expect someone else to? However, if the former was secure, the latter wouldn’t matter. Every situation deserves a fair trial.

    The main culprits are the judge, the jury, and the executioner.

    Namely one’s eyes, one’s mind and one’s soul. Most gay men have vapid ideals when looking for another male partner until they get older and tired, and just want someone to love them or they just end up “paying’ for the illusion that someone wants them.

    Most muscle guys want only other muscle guys but will consider others if the price is right. Thinking about it a little…

    The OnlyFans epidemic is popular amongst gay males cause most of them are lonely. Same thing goes for some of them straights. This is mentally/visually the same thing as physically chasing after a man/woman that doesn’t really want you. No matter how many times you beat your meat to that person, the personal intimacy will never be there.

    As with the example of the muscle guys, you have no money, you have no service. Just been kinda looking at the overall OF stuff. While it’s cool to jerk off here and there to some cuties..A life time full of meat beats is a no-no.

    There was a question I asked a long time ago on another forum. I asked, “Are you okay with dying alone?” This is probably a lot of people’s fear but I think it’s one of gay men’s inner fears.

    Idk how things are in other places but has anyone ever looked into going to or organizing a gay event that doesn’t involve half naked men and an orgy at the Marriott later?

    Like maybe a gay picnic/get together/group interest meetups or something like that. I’m not sure if we have those where I am at but they may have them in California or New York? Dating apps are off the grid.

    Should try finding or organizing events for gays that involve your hobbies. Unlike those social paralyzing dating apps. At least you can meet a man who can hold a convo, not afraid to show his face, and shares a common interest with you. Considering you find him physically attractive, you are half way there because he’s already made effort to show up and express interest in something you like so there is def an ice breaker for conversation to move forward from there.

    Living in a gayborhood must be awesome though. Surrounded by a community of all gay, lesbian, trans people living how the “straights” do. Hubby outside mowing and you’re sitting in the lawn chair with shades on sipping tea…😎

    Okay but realistically it’s way better than dating apps:


    You: Hi, Im sophisticated well-versed socialite who enjoys classical music and long walks on the beach. How about you?

    Him: You a Top or Bottom? I can’t host but I can come to you…I just need some gas money to get there…

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