you haven’t healed that emotional wound yet? (you keep infecting everyone else)

I exploded in therapy today.

holy guacamoley.
i went tf in on everything and everyone who has me feeling like shit.
i strongly suggested therapy.

so a majority of us have emotional wounds that haven’t healed.
we have had them for years.
the issue is we go right back into things that keep infecting the injury.
that is me right now.
i have a huge emotional wound that i haven’t allowed to heal.
it’s filled with…

Broken Friendships
Emotional Unavailable Males
Toxic Experiences at Jobs and Bosses
Generational Curses
Past Hurts and Pain
Daddy, Mommy, & Grandmother Issues

…but like others,
i’ve tried to play it off like i’m good.
it’s not sexy to admit you have issues.
it’s sexier to hurt others and leave a trail of broken bridges behind you.
i’m good.
i’m not good.
the pain has me feeling angry these days.
i realized i haven’t healed even though i felt i did.
i see how i’m not healed when shit goes wrong in my life.

This new era for me is called Recovery Mode.

i’m taking the old bandages off so i can fully tend to the wound(s).
i could be infecting others and not eben realizing it.
i,
or we,
can’t be great if we keep on getting these emotonal wounds infected.
we gotta start treating them like physcial injuries because they won’t get any better.

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Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “you haven’t healed that emotional wound yet? (you keep infecting everyone else)

  1. How did you find your therapist? I have a hard time trying to find someone who will be a good fit and all it does is trigger my anxiety and depression even more making me feel even more helpless

    1. ^hey will!

      i called my insurance company and they gave me a shit ton of numbers.
      i called one and he was down to meet and talk.
      i felt comfortable with him and we been together ever since.

      it’s not easy to find a therapist that clicks with you,
      but hang in and keep looking.
      give someone a try.
      they don’t need to be perfect or even black.
      mine is a white wolf but he has been really amazing.

  2. So happy for you! Therapy is what all people need especially black males and black gay males. Heal those wounds so you can be free to be the man you are really supposed to be instead of a pretender doing more harm than good. I also suggest writing a letter to your younger self because sometimes writing it down can be the most exfoliating thing you can do for your mind. I’m working towards being a therapist and safe place for us and this inspires me.

    1. ^loveeeeeeee your comment.

      i’ve met so many pretenders in straight or gay black males.
      the trauma black males experience can really fuck us up.
      we all face acceptance and rejection in some ways.
      you start to see that trauma emerge in dating,
      friendships,
      and at school/work.
      the victims (black vixens or gay males) are often confused at why they’re treated so badly,
      but it all comes from someone’s trauma.

      some need compassion while others need to be checked.

      1. Bingo! The trauma from childhood whether intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious affects us long into our adulthood. Like you said it shows up in a myriad of ways but it all stems from the same place. We do take a lot of abuse and we tolerate a lot of shit that we don’t realize we don’t have too. It’s about purging that dead emotional weight so you can be able to walk in your truth like a breeze on a summer day.

        I honestly believe some people do need compassion especially if their trauma has made them bitter and other people need to be checked if their trauma has made them unable to be vulnerable. Sounds like you are ready to do the work and heed the advice your therapist gives you but also you are open to the idea of doing it differently which is where it honestly begins then it’s about being persistent and consistent.

        Please keep us posted on this journey. Black gay men need to know it’s okay to let go of a false reality in order to gain what’s really yours.

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