prodigy’s death brought back a ton of memories for me yesterday.
when that “infamy” album came out,
i was such a hood rat.
i’m not even playing with you.
i was hanging with the drug dealin’ wolves,
smoking stupid amounts of weed/trying other drugs,
and wearing clothes about 3 sizes too big.
at that time in my life,
i was so depressed and rebelling.
i lost one parent and the other was on the way out.
i was trying to be accepted by those i thought was cool.
that was the time i stopped speaking to star fox too.
i was having fun,
but damn sure wasn’t happy tho.
this all goes back to living your truth…
that former nfl baller wolf who came out also made me think about acceptance.
we do a lot so we can fall under the radar of how other’s view us.
around that time of that album,
i was also dating vixens.
it’s so weird to say that now.
all of the straight wolves i was running wild with,
they were fuckin’ insane amounts of vixens.
it made me feel insecure because i was struggling with my own issues,
but trying to maintain this “straight” image.
so i tried emulating the straight relationships i saw in movies and tv.
It was a wild time
i did a good job,
but it was a lot of work.
i had to hide the music i really liked.
now don’t get me wrong,
i love hip hop.
i grew up with the culture,
but low key,
i loved pop star vixens.
i like hearing vixens sing.
i remember the horror when someone found my cd collection.
britney’s “oops” album and mariah’s “rainbow” was on the first page.
That’s my cousins!”
when i stopped fuckin with them,
and forced to be alone,
that is when grew into my own skin.
i’ve learned exactly what “living my truth” really means.
it means being real with yourself and what makes you happy.
what someone eats doesn’t make me shit.
you gotta find yourself,
which will make you confident,
and everyone won’t care or question what you do.
i find those who are live their life fuck-less don’t get fucked with.
those are also the ones we want to fuck completely stupid.
i’m attracted to the out spoken and those who are “different”.
confidence is sexy.
rihanna embodies that to me.
imagine having your domestic violence picture leaked for the world to see.
you are being blamed for what happened that night.
you allegedly “provoked” what went down.
to add insult,
major networks are siding with your abuser at the time.
you are literally an outcast.
you have no choice to become who you really are.
once everyone sees you at your lowest,
there is no way for you to have fucks to give any longer.
so find yourself foxhole.
that’s your truth.
accepting the “you” when no one is around.
the one who might like r&b singing vixens and legit hates sports.
no amount of props or “dust in eyes” will hide that.
lowkey: once we realize no matter how great we are,
someone just won’t like us…
that is when we’ll break the chains of the masks we wear.