you ever felt “good enough, but not good enough”?
that is how i worded it to pose yesterday.
she was worried about me and sent me in a long text.
that way i put it is how i been feeling as of late.
i was always last to be picked for sports,
but i was always the first wolves came to about advice.
i was always thrown to the side when “someone better came along”,
but was the first to be ran back to when shit hit the fan.
i was always “good at what you do”,
but never “great enough to be shouted from the mountain tops”.
when you grew up being compared to everyone “better”,
it really fucks with your head when you grow up.
i was good enough to work at these jobs,
slave and deal with all kinds of abuse,
but my work ethic wasn’t good enough to be kept.
i was good enough for that CEO wolf to notice me,
tell all his colleagues how great i am,
but i’m not good enough to be helped like he promised.
i was good enough to be with work wolf,
helped him and was there when he needed me,
but i wasn’t good enough to be kept in his life.
i was good enough to be a good blogger,
every day i do something i love to do,
but i’m not good enough without followers to get a sponsorship/acknowledged.
i’m good enough to be the one everyone comes to for advice/help,
and i make sure i get the problem solved,
but i’m not good enough to be helped when i need it.
Does anyone know how that makes someone feel?
that doesn’t feel good.
everyone can say:
“well you need to stop being so nice”
…but you be a complete asshole and no one is fucking with you.
it’s almost like that’s my life.
that’s where the begging to be taken seriously comes in at.
to be good enough,
but never good enough to be treated like how i treat others.
it feels like i’m in a prison or another dimension.
all of these things are high-key hurting me.
i’m sorry that is the honest truth of this situation.
while speaking with pose,
she said that i’m looking at it all wrong.
my thing is…
How can I look at it right when that is the truth?
unemployment sent me a letter today.
i have to go in there next week.
i need a break…
lowkey: i know i’m not the only black gay male who feels this?