that hand has been used to describe me more often than not.
that picture always unlocks a trigger.
i saw a thread on reddit titled:
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been told not to do because it’s “Gay” ?
i know this topic all to well.
many of us were tortured by this growing up.
minding our business,
drinking our koolaid snaps,
and someone telling us something we are doing is “gay”.
i can name 2 that stick out in my head…
1 – i loved “always be my baby” from mariah as a kid.
her singing,
the background singing,
and the composition really appealed to my sad boy vibes.
to this day,
it’s one of my favorite songs i can listen to it for hours on end.
my mother knew i liked it so much that she bought me a single.
i would play it on repeat every single day but when people found out:
“That is gay.
Boys are not supposed to listen to girls singing.”
i started to listen to it (and other vixen’s singing) secretly.
2 – i was introduced to this jackal who was supposed to be a mentor after my mother passed.
i called him one day and asked how he was doing:
“Guys are not supposed to ask other guys what they are doing.”
*add walking on eggshells*
i called him another time and asked him what he did that day:
“Guys are not supposed to ask other guys what they did today.”
super paranoid at this point.
one time he called me on a three-way with his girlfriend at the time.
i heard her giggling in the background as he lowkey embarrassed me.
he never liked me and told people i tried to come onto him.
——-
these incidents caused me to hate myself,
want to take my own life,
and never feel fully comfortable with people.
always wondering and checking if they were talking about me.
i wore masks to try and blend in.
yay to trauma!
read the reddit thread here:
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been told not to do because it’s “Gay” ?
by u/Infrared-masochism in AskReddit
I got it bad from my brothers & cousins for watching Sailor Moon. I still remember an older cousin saying flat out “your dad would not like you watching that show.”
I had a memory unlocked of when I first got my ear pierced. I remember a boy at my school was like “doesn’t that mean you’re gay if that ear is pierced?” I quickly went “NO! it’s the other ear!” Now that’s not a thing and men can get both ears pierced without any suspicions. What’s crazy to me is that I subconsciously picked up what gay was and that it was a bad thing to be(according to other people) even though I was only 7 years old. I only bring that up because a lot of parents claim they don’t want schools teaching anything about homosexuality because kids shouldn’t be thinking about that or they don’t want to explain to them what being gay is when it’s likely they already know.
What’s crazy is I still sometimes change male to female when I’m singing a woman’s song, simply because I started doing that when I was younger. I’m 20000% comfortable w being a gay man, but it’s just a habit that still pops up sometimes.