Vent at 4am.

darkforesti can’t sleep tonight.
i’ve been laying in my bed,
tossing and turning for hours.
don’t want to watch a movie.
don’t want to play video games.
i’m just here.
laying there.
feeling low key depressed.
i can admit it.
i guess this is the part where i am supposed to call someone to fuck.
as i wish i could with someone who cares about me,
i decided to get up and write something.
anything.
a vent.
a release.
i don’t know.
i don’t even know if its going to make fuckin’ sense.
i just felt this urge to write the first thought on my mind…

why are people so fuckin’ nasty?

people expect to treat you like shit and dog you out,
but then still expect you to kiss their ass and respect them in return.
like where the fuck is the logic?
they will throw rocks,
hide their hands,
and then have the nerve to cry and play victim.
god forbid you speak up for yourself…
see in the movies,
you can speak up for yourself.
someone gets checked,
the audience cheers,
you get respect,
and maybe even some ass in the end.

well that’s the movies.

you speak up for yourself nowadays and someone’s ego gets bruised.
they start gunning for you as they try to make your life a living hell.
you can sing “kumbaya” all you want,
but you can still feel the sting of someone trying to get up in ya ass.
if you don’t have the patience,
you end up knocking them the fuck out for the disrespect.
next thing you know,
you’re on worldstar looking like a damn fool.

its funny how my life changed.
last year i was up at 3am because i didn’t know how i was gonna eat.
this year i’m up because people at my job is trying to take food out my mouth.
they know i can’t slap the dog shit out em,
so they tryin’ to provoke me so i’ll quit.
i’m sure liar liar’s biggest fantasy is me walking out the door crying like a bitch.
um.
i ain’t crazy.
unemployment will be had.

like most of the issues in my life,
i’ll get pass them.
i’ve dealt with bigger bitches before.
they all got dealt with fuckin’ around with someone like me.
god knows my heart.
unlike others,
im not out here being an asshole for no reason.
i’m sure these two in my department will have the same fate.
all i want is to loved and respected tho.
is that so fuckin’ hard to ask?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

13 thoughts on “Vent at 4am.

  1. The easy part was done; you asking for what you want. The hardest part is waiting, looking for the answer to appear at some point. I’m confident that what you are seeking will come. Just remain focus and keep doing what is right.

  2. You have to stop allowing them to get to you like this man. You already are aware that these people are against you, which means you should not expect more from any of them. When they attempt to provoke you, let it roll of your back and keep a smile on your face. I do not anticipate people who don’t like me waking up and having a change of heart. It does not work that way. Despite, the strong dislike between you and your boss, you should just focus on doing your work and earning that money, and do not talk to anyone unless they talk to you. Do not stress yourself about the possibly getting fired. What if it does not happen anytime soon? You are worrying while you enemies are out having the time of their lives, which is the way they prefer it.

  3. I know it’s hard but your Faith has to be strong. Everything is done in God’s Timing. Think back last year at this time , when it was tough , you may not have had what you wanted to eat but you ate. God made a way right? You had a roof over your head , God made a way right? I know it’s hard but you have to give it TOTALLY to Him. Keep the Faith because a good change is going to come . You just have to believe and accept it. Stop giving liar liar and your boss so much energy , baby don’t allow anyone to live in your head rent free!! Thank you Jamari Fox for the impact that your blog has had on my life…..you will be just fine. Get out and enjoy the day baby!!!!

  4. Jamari, you are a friend in my head so I’m going to talk to you like I would talk to a friend in real life. You are giving these people too much of your energy. Sure, I get it and it ain’t easy going through it. I know because I’ve been there before and I did much of what you are doing now. Looking back, I heard some of the same advise that your loyal readers give but I didn’t know how to use it. Knowing and doing are two different things. The first thing you can do when those thoughts come up is to talk back to them. Let those thoughts know that they must leave now! I know its crazy but I subscribe to the philosophy that everything has energy even our thoughts. Breathe deeply and focus on what you are trying to manifest. The other things I do know is affirm myself and offer up a prayer. In the natural, I plan on my next steps and execute. You got this bro! You have people sending you well wishes and prayers. You’re not alone. Keep doing the next right thing and don’t have any fear. Be strong because this too shall pass.

  5. Everyone commenting is right: You can’t keep feeding this monster with the energy your giving it. I know, it’s some tough shit, and it’s something you’d rather not lose (no one wants to lose a job… we all out here doing our best to stay afloat), but if you let it eat at you, nothing positive will come of it. Nothing J. Ronnie hit it on the head… keep your faith in Him strong. It may be cliche to say but it’s nothing but #FACTSS:

    God gives the toughest battles to his strongest warriors.

    You WILL persevere. He made you for this. Just wait till you see what He has in store.

  6. Don’t worry you’re reach your mountain high soon and you can look back at these bad moments and laugh because you’ll be way pass them.

  7. Everyone who commented took the words right out of my mouth. You have to stop letting them get to you, I know its easier said than done but you have to stop giving them so much energy it’s not good for your health. Good luck with your interview this week and claim that you already got the job.

  8. People are nasty often for fun and often to gain an advantage. That’s why I wrote: “Weakness Is the Problem
    As long as African Americans are weak economically, psychologically, sociologically, politically and culturally, they will be marginalized and abused by the powers that be. That is the way of the world. That the strong take advantage of and abuse the weak is a story as old as the Bible and European colonialism in America, Africa, Australia and Asia. But even the strong are deterred by consequences. The police force of Beverly Hills does not abuse its residents because the people of Beverly Hills are rich and there will be consequences.” Liar Liar sees some pay-off in treating you badly with no or skant chance of a negative outcome for her. And from what I know of your employer, she’s probably right.

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