to be white and gay (sounds like a fairy tale)

white gays have it easier.
well the suburban teen white gays do.
you know the ones i’m fontin’ about.
the ones who live in the big nice houses in some small town.
a place where everyone knows everyone.
you can’t take a shit without everyone knowing.
in the big nice house,
every morning,
they eat breakfast as a family and actually converse.
he picks his friends up every morning and they go get coffee.
they meet and eat together at lunch.
in my head,
as a black fox from the hood,
whose growing up was different,
it seems like they have it easier.
some can come out to those same parents with ease.
as blacks,
we gotta wonder if we come out,
will we ever see our parents again.
so i watched “love, simon” tonight.
a fav foxholer in my dms recommended it to me.
it left me feeling all warm and fuzzy in the end…

…but that’s the story of the white suburban gay.

as much as it was a beautiful love story,
i can’t relate to that too tough.
it’s a fantasy that often looks good on paper.
in this case,
the movies.

“white teen suburban gay comes out,
his parents and everyone in the town support him,
he ended up meeting the wolf of his dreams,
and they kiss on a ferris wheel.”

sounds perfect.
not to mention,
he’s still friends with the jackal who outed him.
it was pure fan fiction.
the movie gave hope to all the cute teen suburban white gays,
but i had to wonder

What did it give the teen blacks gays who watched it?

even as an adult,
i had questions.
some of us weren’t lucky to have a close knit family.
ones who would support us after such an announcement.
we don’t always get love,
our bedrooms don’t look like a studio apartment,
and i don’t even know what a “winter festival” looks like.

as much as i enjoyed “love, simon”,
i realize that was/will never be my life.
it’s fun to live in the fantasy sometimes tho.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “to be white and gay (sounds like a fairy tale)”

  1. As people of color we have to work twice as hard to be better or on the same level as whites. The same thing for black gay people. Speaking for myself it was easy letting my West Indian family know I was gay. Their first response wasn’t the best. Everything is good now but I still don’t feel 100% comfortable to talk about a guy I might find good looking to my mother because in the back of my mind she’s probably thinking “Why is my son gay and what did I do wrong” Even my older brother says he’s uncomfortable around me because he feels other will think he’s gay because I am.
    As black people we have always been taught to be strong since we’ve been through so much in the past but still in 2018 to some people being gay is a sign of weakness so what can you do? All I can do is live my truth. My world isn’t a fairytale like some may think. It’s my reality and everyone isn’t going to be in your corner.

  2. I actually enjoyed the movie myself only problem I had was that I didn’t fully connect with it either. I mean the basic story of wanting love and thinking different guys who do certain things are gay because guys are weird af is realistic but outside of that I didn’t feel connected to the experience.

    I agree in that it’s definitely for the white gays that have it easier than us, I also noticed that message of white gays having it easier was put into pose during a couple of episodes, but I have to ask is there a story that frames who we are currently that’s mainstream?

    I mean I loved moonlight but felt that was more the dl dude’s experience than my experience and love simon was more white gay experience than my experience so is there a story that’s for me that’s not just hardcore fucking with a storyline?

  3. Personnaly i watch the movie love it because some scene relate to me maybe not all the movie some talk to a stranger on the net and feel the conexion,fall in love of someone on school and this one dint know that.keep secret to ur close and bestfriends even know they are open mind.and the scene who touch me its when he tell this jackass that he stole is coming out its was his choice to do it.that happen to so much gay,people make them out
    Its was a great movie and some great education to parents .its maybe to good but i think its was a choice of a director.
    for rarely time a gay movie isnt just about reject,hate,suicide,death
    we want and many young gay white or black need to see that come out can be great
    And parents can take exemple and always love there childs

  4. Lol. Duh! white teen gays totally have it easier with coming out. Hell, I know 50+ year old black men who can’t come out to their families or neighbors. It’s sad. As long as black people keep hanging on to homophobic Jesus (whites have a different Jesus) and the Bible, things will not change. But the movie does make you feel warm and comfy…

  5. Love Simon put me to sleep… Moonlight wasn’t that great either IMO.

    And actually J, white suburban teens don’t have it easy. Key word: suburban. Small towns are generally very conservative, small-minded and ignorant.

    Those are actually the teens who want to move to a big city because usually things are more conservative in suburban areas. Theres not many things there that openly welcome gay people, there aren’t Gay Pride parades in Small Towns, everybody knows your business, there’s not that many gay people (let alone openly gay people) etc.

    I’ve heard so many stories (even in person) of white gays who lived in small towns being so happy that they’ve made it out and now live in metropolitan cities with a real gay community and gay public spaces.

    As black people we generally have that reluctance to go to small towns outside the big city because we think of the openly racists folks who live there. If these people in those small towns have these racist sentiments then what makes you think that they aren’t generally homophobic? Bigotry usually comes in bundles.

    The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Not all white teens have it easy and y’all need to stop falling for the hoopla that all white families are welcoming accepting snowflakes, because that is far from the truth. Believe it or not many of them are just as homophobic as people in our community. Ever wondered why the NFL or any major sport doesn’t have that many notable openly gay athletes? Many white men play in these sports and the sports business is owned by white men. If white people were so accepting in general then most of their own would have came out. Funny enough, white Hollywood elite encourages male actors not to come out because of the fear of it jeopardizing their careers.

    Most white countries are filled with homophobes, sure many of them have learned to have some tolerance towards gays because of protection laws but they don’t mess with gays like that and many will be damned to have a gay child.

    Now don’t get it twisted, the Black community as a WHOLE are generally homophobic, I think religion and its indoctrination within our people plays a big factor in that. However I’m just saying y’all need to stop believing all these Hollywood fairy tales.. Most of the world is homophobic.

    I still do agree that black gays have it harder, especially since most things “gay” are mainly targeted to white gays because they are generally the default. However the whole “white gays have a fairytale” is pretty ignorant IMO. No gay person has that.

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