How do you expect to move on, if you do not have closure?
That is the question ringing in my mind.
I don’t know if I am the type to hold a grudge, per say.
But, I do hold onto things even though I claim I am over it.
I will use those little things as examples for me not to fuck up in the future.
Which I think is relatively smart, but you do need to let go so you can successfully move on.
But, moving on is hard to do when you do not have closure.
So the real question is…
How do you really get closure?
I see you Fox obsessing over the last Wolf who broke your heart.
Every Wolf that comes into your peripherals will never be better than your last.
One that you will use against him subconsciously when he fucks up.
He will be “that Wolf like all the rest of em” that you find little things to use against him.
Every other Wolf, good or bad, will now have a flaw or an issue with.
Sadly, it is not good because you aren’t opening your eyes to new experiences.
You are not using that past example as a positive experience.
Now, you are guarded.
Wolf, you are next.
You also have a situation where someone broke your heart or let you down.
Unlike the Fox or Vixen who pines over a lost love, you just say “fuck it”.
By fuck it you really mean fuck them and their feelings.
So you meet Foxes and sleep with them without any attachments.
You probably met great Foxes you could have been with or even be friends with,
but you only thought with a body part that has no brain.
As you do this, you create a distant between yourself and everyone else.
Which ultimately leads you to a life of loneliness.
Sure, you can get em and sex em,
but your own personal demons are not allowing you to keep em.
Now you have become guarded.
I can’t seem to get over the fact I am alone in this world.
I have so much to say to my parents who have died, but they are not here.
I cannot yell at them or curse them out like I want.
I have to speak to air and hope it travels to them.
I needed them to help me during the important trials in my life.
Shit, I wish I had them to rescue me and tell me it is okay.
I been guarded.
The scenario can be changed like a Rubix Cube,
but the outcome is always the same.
We are all guarded from trying not be hurt again.
Some of us are lucky enough to not be guarded and they go through life pretty easy.
They meet people, get hurt, and leave it as a chance experience for a new beginning with another.
I always admired that shit.
I like people who are just open to new experiences without holding onto old ones.
Granted you need to remember the hurt you felt so it can teach you,
but you let go of the experience and forgive.
My question is, can you forgive?
Can you complete forgive the person or situation that hurt you?
Can you let go and move on knowing something better is around the corner?
Are you in a better flow of life, or are you stuck in the dangers of the past?
Those are things you need to think about if you want to proceed.
Hell, I am doing it right now so I can make a change for the better.
So I have to ask…
Hi Guys, I need HELP?! I Met a considerably older guy than me on a chat site and we have started to talk to the point where we have swapped numbers, etc. (I haven’t meet them yet)
I liked him to begin with but now I have lost that ‘feelings’ and everything seems like a struggle.
I have never been asked out on a date by this person, but just to club nights and their friend get- together. I am reluctant to go- as I am worried of what ill be introduced as and na-da-na-da!
I feel distant from them and I wanna let them know ‘if I do not get a date or any movements’- this cannot carry on! I wanna delete them off BB- but the feeling of ‘maybe I might need them’ keeps cropping up!
Should I delete them (admitting defeat) or ‘use them’ for what I can get!
JFreedom.
I think that you should stop talking to him. If you have lost feelings for him you two can’t go any further. If you go any further with this, the situation could get ugly.
Thank you everyone for the responses in this entry.
Thank you for sharing, crying, and thinking!
It took me awhile to figure if I was going to comment or not…this brought tears to my eyes because I am holding onto feelings from my last serious relationship of 2 years. It’s been some time but ever since then I cant seem to connect or at least move past infatuation with another person because almost everyday I still think of him. I believe it can be solved if I do receive closure (more so by talking with) to the situation but we’ve lost all contact.
I’ve seen this in action right before my eyes…this Wolf I was talking to recently, too, got hurt from a previous relationship…and despite the fact that we connected on a good level and saw something that could be…we eventually drifted apart because at the time I was hurting and resenting he was resenting and hurting.
I’m not sure how to get over this bullshit. I constantly try but it’s just there…stuck…and I’m scared of lonely.
You’re gonna have to find closure w/out that dude who hurt you, mrSO. That’s something within yourself – letting him go & forgiving – for you, not for him. And then give yourself space to grieve & grow. I think you’re holding on to that ‘closure.’ That you’ll see him, he’ll explain/be sorry, and you can exhale. Unfortunately, life isn’t that cleancut & people are messy, ignorant, clueless, and some are just plain mean. So you have to close the wound – don’t wait for ol boy to come back, cuz you’ll be waiting for a very long time.
But it can be done – it’s just a process
Thank You bro! Means a lot. I’ll put it in motion.
I’ve just decided I’ll never give another human being the power or the means to hurt, betray, or disappoint me. From the very first day I meet them I prepare for the day they leave.
^isn’t that being a little pessimistic JAY?
So that means you’ll never love, trust, or be close to anyone? Cuz when you give your heart, you’re vulnerable – there is a chance it will not work out like you hope; however I’ve had a taste of love (and heartache), but that taste makes me want more & take the risk.
Sounds like a lonely road to me…
Wow Jamari this was deep and it spoke in so many volumes this is a very good post because it apply’s to everybody because we have all been hurt and with that hurt it effects our future for the better or for the worse. Everyone deals with hurt differently some people can get over it quickly and for some people it can take time but you have to ask yourself what did I learn from this hurt and how can I grow as a person and not take out my hurt on innocent people. Yes I have been hurt alot through out life by people and situations that have happened but it got so much easier when I realized Life is 10% of what you make it and 90% of how you take it.
I can forgive but I will never forget. I’m too nice of a dude to hold a grudge against someone. I try my best not to let my past get in the way of my future because I always like to have a clean slate when I’m entering new beginings.
^so you have never gotten hurt by anyone that you just cannot let go from?
Doesn’t have to be relationships…
Yea I had a problem with a friend one time. He manipulated me from the start of the friendship. I was unaware of his true intentions and the situation never got resolved because he moved away.