The following is reading-MA
Triggering content, Adult content, Suicide

2004-ish.
it was between a lot of “being down bad“.
i was fed up with life and all the bad cards i was being dealt.
something triggered me and i was ready to end it.
pills was my drug of choice.
i had consumed a few sleeping pills and a dramatic ass voicemail greeting.
when someone called,
i wanted them to hear my goodbyes that i was gone.
after that,
i turned my phone off and went to sleep…

Clearly,
I’m not dead cause I’m writing this…

i guess God didn’t want me yet because i woke up the next morning,
i was groggy af and decided to go to work.
to tl;dr this story,
a concerned friend at the time heard my voicemail.
she called an adult figure in our lives who went into panic mode as well.

I wasn’t answering the phone because I kept it off all day.

she came over to my sister’s aunt’s spot,
where i was staying at the time,
with the police.
when i came home after a long day of working retail:

The front door is on the floor.

the police knocked the whole door down.
i had to explain to two angry people why their door was on the floor.
i ended up having to pay for the door,
which cost a lot of money that i didn’t have.
i had to sleep in the hallway since we had to make a make-shift door.
thank God it was spring-ish.

i had the nerve to be angry,
but looking back,
she was the only friend that cared enough to do that.
needless to font,
i learned my lesson that day.
even though i’ve had other suicidal thoughts,
i make sure to reach out to someone if i’m really struggling.

If you’re struggling,
I ask that you do the same.

even though we lost touch,
thank you s for caring about me enough that day.

lowkey: we are gonna do a lot of going back in time foxhole.
i’m unpacking for you.