i didn’t know how much the foxhole meant to me until it was suspended today.
so i was at work and my phone starts blowing up…
the foxhole is down!
now the crazy part was something told me bring my laptop to work today.
i packed it up,
but then i put it back on the table.
my foxy senses damn near picked up on this issue before it happened.
so i’m getting all these emails and i called my hosting company asap.
they tell me the site has been suspended because it’s been using way too much cpu.
i’m on the phone,
going in behind a bathroom stall on another floor,
trying to get some kind of fix.
i come home and they grant me access.
i start digging.
at this point,
i’m trying to figure out what i may upgraded wrong.
maybe a plug in needed to be updated/erased.
i just didn’t know what to do.
so i did a few tweaks and sent an email.this was around 6pm.
i fell asleep and woke up,
hoping i’d get some kind of resolve.
i called them,
and in typical new yawk fashion,
went off on this poor snow wolf.
i was so tite.
i kept saying:
“my readers don’t know what is going on.”
“they keep seeing something about a password.”
“that is not fair to them or me.”
all he kept saying is:
“…upgrading to a larger server”
…”cost more money”
“…someone outside of them to fix this issue”
all i kept seeing in my head was:
that is when i broke down.
i started crying on the phone to this stranger.
i just couldn’t do it anymore.
i have been through so much this year.
i just celebrated my 7 year blogging anniversary:
this site means so much to me,
and literally keeps me happy these days,
and to have it end like this?
i had no resources in web design or to even help me bring the foxhole back.
it just felt like the end.
well i don’t know if this snow wolf was an angel,
but he helped escalate the issue.
he sent me some forms,
but told me to just hold on and he would put it as an “emergency issue”.
thank you jesus
so i go wash my face and play “the waiting game”.
i came across a meditation on youtube for the full moon.
i decided to do it as it was all about “letting go”.
i lit some candles and participated.
i felt like an energy was lifted off me after it was done.
i lay down and check my email:
…when i say i cried?
like i couldn’t stop crying.
i kept saying “thank you god” and just let it all out.
it felt like one of those soul cries when you have something heavy on you.
i think i cried all my fucks completely out.
i want to apologize to the foxhole tonight.
you know that if you come to the site,
and it’s not here,
that something is up.
just be patient as i am behind the scenes.
i may have to launch a “foxhole bulletin blog” when issues arise.
so we are back up for right now,
but i’m left to wonder…
What do I do?
i can’t have my site shutting down as i am building my brand.
the foxhole is growing daily and their servers are starting to see the issues.
i can’t have this happen again.
lowkey: i felt like carrie when her laptop died….
…just alone with no wolf to calm me down.
i never felt so alone in my life than i did today.