The Death Behind The Star Fox

i have to be honest with the foxhole today.
since star fox’s death anniversary is coming up,
i want to lay it out on the table.
i spoke to his mother and mentioned that i would font about it on the foxhole.
i asked her if i could share the real details of star fox passing.
at the time,
she didn’t want me to say anything to anyone that may know star fox.
i don’t know who reads this site,
or who knows who,
so i kept much of the details to his death quiet.
she gave me permission to share some of it…

star fox was allegedly murdered.
i put allegedly because the details are so sketchy.
he was allegedly murdered by someone he was “close to”.
someone he “trusted”,
but i knew the jackal as well and my spirit never trusted them at all.
it seems like whatever happened was covered up to look like “an accident”.
i never believed any of the story and i still don’t.

so for all these years,
i have held onto a sadness that won’t go away.
someone took my friend away and there has been no justice or closure.
i’m low-key mad at his parents because they just sort of gave up on it.
that is the part that hurts me the most.
they don’t have the money to hire lawyers and all that,
so they gave it to God in hopes that one day the real story will be revealed.
they allegedly have a suspect they think did it,
but nothing is for certain.
nothing will probably be done either.
he was always treated like a second class citizen with them anyway.
if it was their other cubs,
i’m almost positive this mystery would have been solved.
did i mention that his tombstone doesn’t have his name on it yet?
oh.
well that’s because his parents can’t afford it.
he is buried on top his grandfather.
i legit went off on his mother about that when we talked.
she gets upset because randoms don’t talk about star fox anymore.
she wanted to connect with all those in his gay life he kept hidden,
but they have since moved on.
they weren’t close to him as i was so they have no reason to hold on.
how about getting her priorities in order tho?
she is basically contradicting herself too.

so unlike my parents,
who i knew were dying,
my friend’s life was taking way too soon.
i always feel more depressed over his death than my parents.
i’ve been wondering why i’ve been so out of it as of late?
his death date is next week so that would explain it.

when the date starts coming around,
i start feeling an un-explainable sadness deep in my soul.
i’ve been dealing with a lot of drama and stress,
but i ‘ve felt something deeper than things that can/will be fixed.

i hope that revelation can help the foxhole understand why i get so sad.
there is so much behind his death that still has me broken.
i hope one day i can get the closure to heal.

lowkey: it felt good to write this.
it’s like i exhaled once i did it.
i was scared to write it,
but i been holding that in for a while so it was needed.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

16 thoughts on “The Death Behind The Star Fox

  1. So sad and shocked at the same time to hear this J. Hopefully being able to write about it will lessen the pain somewhat. My prayers are with you.

    1. ^thanks.

      i needed to write it because it felt like a release.
      i share everything with the foxhole so why not be finally honest with that?
      karoake and all them know,
      but the foxhole is like family so i wanted you all to be on the same page.
      sad that my memorial days will always be associated with his death.

  2. 🙁 Damn bruh sorry to hear this…thank u for sharing sumn so personal…have u ran into this alleged suspect or seen him online or whatever?…I don’t think I’d be able to contain my rage and refrain from catchin a charge myself…

      1. Hhhmmm…well, the the world or life has a funny way of correcting itself when wrong occurs…I’m other words, karma’s a vindictive bitch!…but fuck them, it’s all about your healing and those close to him…

  3. I know that star fox is a touchy subject for you to bring up Thank you for sharing this with us. To have that one person who was not only a best friend but also in the life to help guide you was special. I remember reading posts you wrote in the past when he was alive about how he helped you with your style and self confidence or about an event ya went to just having a good time.

    I had no idea this happened to him my heart goes out to his family and you.

    1. ^thanks mikey.

      his mother calls me with the “coulda, woulda, and shoulda”.
      it gets really draining at times because she hasn’t healed.
      so it’s like we are both talking about things that should have happened.
      writing about it today helped in a way.

  4. WOW I thought he died in a car accident.It’s sad to hear his parents probably didn’t advocate as much for him and seek justice because he was gay.

    I understand about the anniversary of a death.My mother died on May 27th so I dread the entire month of May because the first part of the month there are all these stories and mentions of Mother’s Day then I have to deal with the anniversary and Memorial Day.
    I hope one day you and his family get answers and justice.🙏

    1. ^ironically,
      we both have to mourn on Memorial Day.
      everyone is celebrating and we are covered in sadness.
      smh.
      all this that has made me hate the summer.

  5. so sorry to hear. I think the reason you feel this way is because you need closure. she needs closure. his spirit needs closure. I pray you find it

  6. Omg my heart is so broken reading this. I’m glad you got this off your chest, I also hope you find closure along with his mom and anyone else affected by his death. Forget just karma I hope they prosecute the person or people who had something to do with his death.

  7. Sorry to hear that. I’m glad you are telling your truth regarding the situation because these are your feelings, in spite of what others my feel, and that’s the only way to heal.

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