Posted in A LIL TASTE OF JAMARI, CONCRETE FOREST STATE OF MIND, LIVIN' THIS LIFE WE LIVE, SOMETHING OPRAH WOULD TELL YOU, THE MENTAL HEALTH MUSINGS

the darkness is where you’ll find your light

   Published Date: June 30, 2024  Leave a Comment on the darkness is where you’ll find your light

there is light within the darkness if you really look for it.
it’s no secret i’ve expressed that these past few years have broken me.
i feel like i’ve had to be broken into a thoughts pieces to put myself back together.
this time,
i get to do it in my liking and not what others may accept of me.
this morning,
i had a thought about the people who’ve slipped away from my life.
those i was once close to,
or those i hoped to reconnect with,
but it never happened.
a random thought downloaded into my spirit this morning.
i felt the urge to text a good friend what i felt and i wanted to share it here…

hmm.
i’ve had to surrender control,
embrace faith,
and truly grasp the essence of boundaries.
those three things i never understood before 2023.
i’ve had to suffer in other to be strengthened.
i’ve had to see the hard truth because i lived in the lies i was telling myself.
it hasn’t been easy and Lawd,
it really ain’t been easy…

…but i feel like i’m glowing up mentally,
spiritually,
and emotionally,
and it’s starting to show on the outside.
sometimes,
you will be removed from everything that doesn’t serve you anymore.
some people will just separate from you for no reason.
it will be lonely and you’ll feel like an outcast.
it is actually teaching you something.
it will force you to become ruthless about YOU.
it feels like once you fully start to understand what your lesson is,
that is when the breakthrough comes.
nothing in life comes easy.

Not the relationship.
Not the career.
Not the “living my best life”

all that shit requires test and even more tests once it comes.
i feel like once you get broken during the darkness,
you’ll be able to handle the tests that come after better.
i feel like i’m starting to understand what my lesson plan for this season is.

It sucks to feel like an outsider but tbh,
I’ve never felt more in tune on the inside.

lowkey: i never felt more comfortable in my own fur in my entire life.
i feel like i’m starting to understand who i am,
the good and the bad,
the masculine and the feminine.
i’m starting to get it.

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