i’ve realized that i’ve spent my entire life performing for family,
“friends”,
jobs,
and of course,
wolves i really liked.
the forest was my stage and everyone was my audience but in reality:

the more i performed; the less i found myself being accepted and respected.

many people didn’t stick around as much effort as i put in.
once they left,
i still found myself performing for their approval.
i wanted people that don’t even matter to still see me in some way.
it caused me to be consumed by the dark arts of the performance,
all the while making me doubt myself in where i stand in my life if i wasn’t “the star”.
as i have been healing many parts of me that are broken…

there is light within the darkness if you really look for it.
it’s no secret i’ve expressed that these past few years have broken me.
i feel like i’ve had to be broken into a thoughts pieces to put myself back together.
this time,
i get to do it in my liking and not what others may accept of me.
this morning,
i had a thought about the people who’ve slipped away from my life.
those i was once close to,
or those i hoped to reconnect with,
but it never happened.
a random thought downloaded into my spirit this morning.
i felt the urge to text a good friend what i felt and i wanted to share it here…