FOXMAIL

Good Day, Jamari. Much love to you

I am seeking your input and advice because I am having an issue that involves family.

To start I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my family. Imagine being raised adopted, Muslim, and then coming out gay to your family. But through all of that hardship I am faced with a new issue; making a decision to live on my own terms for me and only me. It has taken me a long time to make this decision because I have always been putting others first and accommodating their needs and running myself dry. I recently moved into my new apartment and I am currently being viewed as selfish from my mother and certain members of my family because I will not allow a sibling to move in. I live in a one bedroom and I wouldn’t mind having my sister move in however she is not responsible with finances and I am not taking a chance with the roof over my head or having someone attempt to live for free. If you knew my family, it’s as if certain people are looking for a ride. I’ve also payed very close attention recently stating how when I use to ask for help nobody would help, not my mom, sister, aunt, cousins, so of course I had to grind. But when others needed me or just wanted something I never hesitated unless I did not have it. Now, I’m saying no to almost everything to protect myself, to assure that my security is set and I’m considered selfish. I have unrealistic dreams and goals but I’m very certain that those same people who consider my goals and dreams unreal will be the first ones to want to reap those benefits. This is hard to write because i am talking about family who are supposed to love you. Instead I feel as if I can never win because of the nonsense and greed. These members can’t call me to see how I am doing but can ask for a birthday gift or anything money related and I’m just like “okay but WTF”. My heart is open and always will be. However I do feel as if that wall to guard me (which I never wanted) is being constructed and honestly I’m going through a much needed change.

Excuse me if this was way to long, I am just going through a emotional and mental struggle that is rooted from resent to family. Now I already recognized this and attempted to rectify these issues by accepting their behaviors and just moving forward with my life but they always find a way to get what they need from me.

What do you think I should do? I have cut them off months at a time and in those months found peace and still missed them. I am feeling that I may need to cut them off longer than a months even years so I am able to fully and presently focus on me without thinking twice about how my family would be affected by my dreams and goals. HELP! Because this is not even the full or half of it.

Love you.

MY ANSWER…
Continue reading “f0xmail: My Family Is Trying To Destroy Me! Help!” →

so ^this handsome wolf is missing down in texas.
his name is patrick harris,
he is an army veteran,
and he is an aspiring comedian.
his friend posted this on his ig asking for help…
Continue reading “The Wolf Who Is Missing Down In Texas” →

the other morning,
well the morning i first started the temp job,
i was early af and the mta decided to play me.

“There is train traffic ahead of us”

it had us stuck in a tunnel for about 15 minutes.
by that point,
my anxiety started to get the best of me.
it wasn’t the type of train we could walk between cars.
it felt like i was in a packed steel box.
i had to turn on the “brilliant idiots” podcast to keep me focused.
thank God for charlamagne and andrew.
so i’m surprised no one sued yet with this following story.
the “f” train in new yawk stalls in a tunnel,
the lights shut off,
the a/c goes out,
and panic ensues.
sounds like a horror movie.
well this is the story via the ny times…
Continue reading ““F” Is For “Fucked” On The F Train” →

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari, I’ve been following your blog for a few months now and it’s funny how you’re one of the few people I can talk to about this and we haven’t even met. Your aura is so awesome it can reach people through a computer screen. I’ve never had to deal with this kind of situation so I’m asking for help.

I think I’ve met my soulmate. Almost a year ago I became friends with this guy at a get together. I was advised by some of my other friends to avoid him because he seemed strange but he was pretty cool so I kept talking to him. Since then we’ve practically hit it off. Everything he likes, I like. Every idea I’ve had since I was a child he’s had. Talking to him was like looking into an opaque mirror. Since that day, he’s become my best friend. I’ve been to his house where we’ve sat up and talked about everything until dawn. I’ve never met anyone I’ve had this deep of a connection with. There’s even times we can tell what the other’s thinking. It’s even gotten to the point that we finish each other’s sentences. He’s the only person I feel like I can tell anything to or go to for anything but… I think we both have feelings for each other and we’re to afraid to take that step. He got drunk one night at a party and told everyone we should be together. Everyone had an omg look on their faces and when he realized what he said he tried to play it off. I was drunk too and I didn’t want to make a scene so I just laughed it off. A few days later two of our friends suggested we be together, back to back. Even they can see it, but it got awkwardly shrugged off. Since then I feel like he’s been in his feelings and idk if he even still feels the same. I’ve never dated a guy. It’s not often I can imagine spending my life with someone, let alone another guy but I’d be willing to try with him. It’s like we were made for each other. We’re both aces which would make things a lot easier for us. My feelings for him have grown so intense that it’s hard for me to control it now. There’s so many examples of him passively flirting with me that I’ve lost count but nothing was ever initiated. If I let him go it’s gonna haunt me for eternity but I’m afraid to tell him how I feel in case I’m blind and it’s one sided, but I feel like I’m gonna lose him if I don’t. I honestly don’t know.

What do you feel would be best?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: I Think I Found My Soulmate… But, I Think I Messed Up! Help!” →

i like talking to folks.
i’ll talk to anyone that lets me.
i don’t care what the situation is,
jamari can get down with a good convo.
tonight,
i had an interesting conversation with the apple associate earlier…
Continue reading “An Apple Associate (To)Day” →

i can literally hear my mother in my ear.
so i hate feeling stupid.
i mean,
we all don’t like feeling stupid.
mine comes from years of mental abuse.
so i OD in working hard so i can master something.
in some cases,
it worked wonders.
others,
like my new gig,
it is causing me to fuck up…
Continue reading “How To Feel Small Around Big Balls” →