this week, i hit a wall emotionally.
it started last week and carried on to this week.
Is my wolf of interest still interested? Friends suddenly acting shady Chadwicks’ sudden death
Black lives not mattering to police
The RNC not giving hope Feeling alone
i’ve been trying to find answers to things and it has left me baffled.
i’m a natural investigator so i want to know shit.
i need answersor closure.
i have been feeling sad and downin the dumps tbh. the crazy part?…
today, i spent the entire day cleaning up the joint.
it was a basic apartment cleaning to throwing out a ton of shit.
i had clothes in laundry bags for the last 3 months.
i didn’t realize that i had so much shit.
so much of my old clotheswere bagged up for the red cross. skin and hair care products that i don’t use went down the trash chute.
as it was all sitting on my floor,
damn near taking upmost of the space in my room,
i came to realize something about myself.
this is probably going to be a controversial statement,
but i’m gonna font it anyway.
i think that some folks out here need to…
Stop attaching their emotions to others
…especially the gay community. hell, allcommunities?
all that energy only creates more energy for the other person.
so you’re actually doing a disservice. i’ve been noticing this with the whole kevin hart situation…
find a potential find a potential for right now die alone
added: dressing nice and never trying to catch any diseases.
we encounter many wolves,
its like we spend our days putting our lives to the side for “someone”.
it can leave many of us emotionally drained, exhausted,
and not feeling worth anything.
in looking back in my life,
i can see i have always chased wolves.
i wanted this big bad wolf to be the cureof what i’m lacking within.
in the feelings of frustration and loneliness,
i have felt half crazy. asking myself what the hell am i even doing this for? and will i be alonefor the rest of my life?
i can see why many of “us” either go insane,
become unapologetic thots,
or go “straight” and live a lie for companionship.
i had to wonder…
do you know when you are looking like an idiot?
i mean, we all know at some point when we are fucking up.
we let someone in our lives and that person becomes our “all”,
we lose our focus and end up in a very dark place.
we stop calling our friends.
family becomes pushed to the side.
everything becomes about “him”.
we start being him.
we start to lose ourselves.
we don’t even realize he is trying to play us.
you think you are doing good,
but this mofo was the worst thing to come in your life.
do you really know when you have completely gone from “doing well“…
to “damn homie! you was the man homie…!”?
i started to wonder…
I have NEVER been home like this for a Memorial Day weekend.
It was either cookouts, work (when I did retail), or meeting up with some Wolf. This year was PAINFULLY different.
It started out with some things to do but it ended with the usual mix of loneliness and depression.