so i know you’re struggling with your sexuality…

…and it can be scary af.
like me,
you were taught that being gay is wrong/sin/gross,
yet you don’t understand why you’re attracted to males.
it could be this attraction to the your co worker,
the trainer in your gym,
or you were in public and peeped a cutie with a nice tail.
it made you hard af and you couldn’t understand wtf was going on.
i’m hear to font you…

It’s okay

don’t be scared.
i’m not here to judge.
trust me when i font that i’m not like the others.
the ones who forgot what it felt like to struggle within themselves.
ones that,
even though they’re out,
are still struggling to find their place within the world.
i’m definitely not them.

i’m hear to let you know that i get it.
the questioning,
the “back, back, front and forth“,
and not to mention the sneaking to fuck.
a lot of “the struggling” like to be reckless out here too.
why are you putting your health,
and everyone you deal with,
in danger?
it can be really draining.
some people think coming out means this total freedom.
i think its a form of freedom,
but my version of freedom is:

accepting who you are
what you like
coming to terms with your own self

i don’t feel whole if someone else comes out.
it doesn’t make me feel insecure that i live discreetly.
i’m legit happy for anyone who comes out.
it’s very brave,
but that was THEIR story.
seriously tho,
i feel like no one really cares that much anyway.
we got our own lives and those we know personally.
oh and you see that phone you got…
we also have to keep up with 7 billion other folks,
which also include celebs.
some of these situations are just fleeting moments,
which explains many might feel so empty after folks move on.
they didn’t do it for “them”.
they did for others and learned the hard way.

so i want you to understand that i’m with you.
i’m right here.
the foxhole has more than a few like you.
i want you to work on loving yourself 110%.
that’s the first part is being comfortable in your own soul.
you like males (along with vixens?)…
so what?
it’s not like you have a strong attraction to dogs or goats.
you’re attracted to another human,
with a spirit and a soul.
not to mention the print-age/tail.

i think the majority of the forests are ignorant on being gay/bi.
some are grossed by the act,
but it’s the same thing as dealing with the opposite sex.
others think that you will rape them in some alley.
i’m here to scream it from the loudest font:


the rest are church folks who already their own ball of contradictions and insecurities.
get your own “sins” together before you come at us crazy.

so go forth foxholer or lurker!
or in-between.
fully gay or attracted to both sexes.

learn to accept all those parts of you.
the rest will fall into place.
i’m starting to love every part of me.
i still care about some things,
but the rest get a heavy middle finger.
i’m not obsessed with people pleasing as i once was.
you either like me or you don’t.
i’m not for everyone that’s okay.
so i hope this helped you in some way.
i can’t wait to see your progress.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “so i know you’re struggling with your sexuality…”

  1. Jamari,

    Thank you for this posting. I remember being in that place of denial and self-loathing due to my sexuality. I feel that I missed so much of life by not accepting and loving myself all those years. I came to realize that we only have one life to live and you have to live it for yourself, not anybody else. I can honestly say that I am more confident and aware of myself than I have ever been in my life. I had to accept and love myself for everything that I am in order to get to that place. I know there are readers out there that really needed this message today.

  2. Interesting. My mother was strict about man on man loving. Most was biblical teaching but the she was mostly worried about heterosexual men praying on me. I didn’t grow up with a lot of confidence in who I was despite being able to pull almost any dude I wanted but I never actually felt confident any myself and believed they weren’t being genuine but the problem was me not being genuine and thinking I’m worth myself.

    I vaginas look gross but I don’t hate women at all. That means I ain’t going down on no woman, lol.

    The one thing I love about this post is the line “accepting yourself”. If I would have known about what I know about life when I was 16, good gawd I would have been beastly. Like now, ever since I’ve accepted myself and raised my vibrations, I strike fear in those who oppose me. I put a last quote on my old Facebook page before deleting it that read, “I treat everyone how they treated me. Now that I am reaching the point of my success, some should be happy, while others should be terrified.”

    My progress has been beastly.

    It’s always good to know yourself, know your worth and exhibit humility. I often say that I’m single but I mean I’m single in a sense of growth and stuff and I’ve obtained this level by my own methods (through the Universe of course)..blah blah..

    Once you become confident, something I notice is that people start gravitating towards you. I remember when I was giving a presentation during Essence at one of the booths last year, I had lost myself and started running off at the mouth confidently (what I was always afraid to do) and someone left me their phone number at the table talking about Call Them. I’ve had men hitting on me from Hawaii, Middle Eastern, etc. I still love chocolate Kings and all but I will say it is good to open yourself up to other races too. Those Middle Eastern men…baby let me tell you.. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ They some bold mother humpers..🀣

    Good luck to everyone breaking out of that materialistic she’ll the world has created. πŸ•ΊπŸ’–

    1. And if anyone is coming to Essence 2019, the dates are July 4-7 in Nola. Please come if you’ve never been. You’ll love it.

  3. I love this post. The struggle exists for many, and it is hard to come to terms with. My message is to just be smart and educate yourself on the life that you live. Do not be like these people that are not even trying to be comfortable and grow, and are out here being reckless in every way possible

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

%d bloggers like this: