Even Benji is judging me…

i did something stupid and i had no choice but to take a heavy L.
the other night,
cousin hybrid asked me for my paypal so his mother could send me money.
it was around 350.
half sleep,
i wrote my email to him.
days go by and i see no money.
so i hit him up and asked what happened.
Foxhole…

Why I give him the wrong email?

so it went to someone else.
paypal says if it’s “goods and services“,
you can get them involved for a refund.

When it’s “Friends and Family”,
you have to contact the person and fight the dispute yourself.

you can only imagine someone getting free 350 dollars won’t be answering your emails.

so i went straight to blaming myself.
i got angry with other people for my mistake.
the truth is that i fucked up.
that was the truth of the situation.
i was careless and should have been paying attention.
i went to old ways of abusing myself but then something else happened.

I said that I hope it was a blessing to whoever got my money.
Maybe it was for an overdue bill.
Maybe it was for food to eat.
Maybe it was to buy a new outfit for the club.

who knows but it is out of my control since they aren’t answering atp.
so as much as i needed that money,
God might have been testing me too.
i’ve suffered loss before and got blessed with something better.

i know.
who am i rn?
i’m impressed with myself tbh.

Listen,
we do dumb shit and make mistakes.
It’s a part of life.
We can cry about it cause i sure did.
At the end,
if it’s out of control then it is what it is.
Take accountability and hold that L.
We gotta give it to God and move on with our lives.
Cover the lid on the split milk and clean it up.
It could have been worst,
ya know?

i have come a long way.