when i was dealing with the work wolf saga,
i kept a private journal of my feelings around the end of that situation.
i came across it in my files and read some of the entries in it.
Foxhole,
I legit cringed.
the part when he refused to speak to me by stonewalling me,
the words i used about myself,
the actual praying he would speak to me again,
and the emotional begging i wrote in hopes we would reconnect again.
i remember how broken i was when i think back to that moment in my life.
the part of having to see him at work every day,
us not speaking,
and him legit using his own emotional warfare to purposely hurt my feelings.
was i innocent in how it crashed and burned?
probably not,
but i don’t think we were meant to be friends in the long run tbh.
i saw this post from chris brown on the shade room and i fully understood it…
View this post on Instagram
listen a broken clock is right twice a day.
when i think back to all those males i was into,
i gotta ask myself what was i really attracted to?
How his nice butt looked in pants?
How nice his arms looked in a tight shirt?
How handsome his face was?
How the fantasy of how sex with these males would be like?
it all had nothing to do with them being good to me.
they used ghosting and other abusive tactics to hurt me and others.
they weren’t good to other people in their lives so why did i think i’d be different?
They literally wanted us to beg for their attention when they took it away.
foxhole,
when you fully heal,
i want you to go back and look at some of your old text threads.
the ones where you were dealing with toxic friendships and relationships.
when you look at them and look at their pictures too,
i guarantee you’ll cringe and be on the big energy of:
“Now I’m THAT muthafuckin’ n*gga and you’re blocked”
I actually now that you have posted this didn’t realize that I am in this phase in my life. I was talking to a guy not to long ago and instead of dragging the relationship on and allowing him time to occupy my space I broke things off and moved on with my life. I did used to beg and ask for attention from guys and desire them staying in my life but gotta operate smarter for myself and my time.
^ “reclaiming your time” is the mantra going forward.
I did this today. He didn’t know what to do.
I do not think Chris Brown was a good example for your discoveries. I’m also shocked at the fact that Chris’ big grown ass doesn’t know the difference between “you’re” and “your” after all this time on earth.
Chris Brown is a taurus like my brother. They’re both born in the same year only difference is my brother is a 3rd decan but they both have the culprit Mars in Cancer (this bitchass placement is VERY hard on a man). I say all that to say, my brother is garage and I see a lot of similarities between them. First of all, dark sided Taurus men ain’t shit. They will put a person through hell and EXPECT you to deal with it. My brother, like Chris Brown, is 32 years and still has a mind of teenage boy. He will cheat on his girlfriend all day long, like Brown, then get upset when he gets caught. He has also beat up his girlfriend like Chris Brown (mars in Cancer). They are possessive and think they own you and will stalk you and cause you to get a restraining order against them (both Brown and my brother have restraining orders against them). The funny thing is, they’ve already moved on to someone else but they’re STILL stalking you.
The only person he could be addressing is Karachue, but what was she supposed to take exactly? If anybody needed to be blocked, it’s Brown…
You can’t block a person when they had you blocked first. Youre the weird ass stalker.
I was surprised Chris posted this but it showed me that
The demeanor a lot of these dudes have the hit and quit shit us to cover up pain. They weren’t lit growing up Chris had a lisp skinny and high voice and his fame is what gave him access to”bitches” he allegedly has another girl pregnant.
^ !!!!
I also read that he has another baby on the way. My brother, a Taurus, is 32 with 4 kids. Taurus men are notorious baby makers. That’s because children are seen as a possession to them and because they love sex due to the sensualness of it.
I keep a journal myself. Whenever I go back and read some of the entires in there. There no way any of those guys will date me. Once you did me wrong you dead to me. Your family is everything but the child of god.
^the energy i’m on.
i think its healthy to keep a private journal to document your thoughts in.
when you get to a place where you feel you can read what you wrote back,
you will be shocked to see how naive or had rose-colored glasses on with some people and situations.