when i was dealing with the work wolf saga,
i kept a private journal of my feelings around the end of that situation.
i came across it in my files and read some of the entries in it.
I legit cringed.
the part when he refused to speak to me by stonewalling me,
the words i used about myself,
the actual praying he would speak to me again,
and the emotional begging i wrote in hopes we would reconnect again.
i remember how broken i was when i think back to that moment in my life.
the part of having to see him at work every day,
us not speaking,
and him legit using his own emotional warfare to purposely hurt my feelings.
was i innocent in how it crashed and burned?
but i don’t think we were meant to be friends in the long run tbh.
i saw this post from chris brown on the shade room and i fully understood it…
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listen a broken clock is right twice a day.
when i think back to all those males i was into,
i gotta ask myself what was i really attracted to?
How his nice butt looked in pants?
How nice his arms looked in a tight shirt?
How handsome his face was?
How the fantasy of how sex with these males would be like?
it all had nothing to do with them being good to me.
they used ghosting and other abusive tactics to hurt me and others.
they weren’t good to other people in their lives so why did i think i’d be different?
They literally wanted us to beg for their attention when they took it away.
when you fully heal,
i want you to go back and look at some of your old text threads.
the ones where you were dealing with toxic friendships and relationships.
when you look at them and look at their pictures too,
i guarantee you’ll cringe and be on the big energy of:
“Now I’m THAT muthafuckin’ n*gga and you’re blocked”