please read this below.
old head provide so much insight.
he commented in “You Can’t Even Fuck Someone In NY Without Catching A Disease“.
entry had most of us shook.
i didn’t even want to look at another dick again…
….until later today.
this needed to be shared…
Jamari, you provide a major public service with this forum. Thank you. I had intended to respond to your World AIDS Day post but got distracted. When I came across this post, I decided I had to stop in my tracks and share some things with you brothers. And, this is going to get a little personal.
I can feel the fear in the statements of everyone. And, yes, we have a very serious problem on our hands. I would suggest everyone take deep breaths for a minute. My generation was the hardest hit. I have lost well over 300 friends, acquaintances and associates to HIV/AIDS. I stopped counting after 353; it was too depressing. I am sure surviving brothers of my age, including me, are experiencing post traumatic stress syndrome, whether or not everyone knows it or acknowledges it.
If you think things are bad and scary now — and they are — during the 80s, some of us were petrified. My partner and I in 1987 didn’t even have penetrative sex, because he was so scared. The HIV test had only become available in 1985 and neither one of us had yet taken the test when we began dating in early 1987. His job required him to take the test if he was going to pursue a certain career path before taking an assignment abroad; so, he took the test later in the year before departing. After he took the test, I took a deep breath and took it. We were both HIV-negative.
Fast forwarding, I want to first stress I am in no way bragging or boasting and would be the first one to say, “But, for the grace of God go I.” I have negotiated the 31 years of the HIV/AIDS epidemic unscathed — no HIV and not even a single garden variety STD, and I have remained sexually active. In fact, any number of the 300 plus people I lost were people with whom I had sex. Some of whom I knew to be HIV-positive when we had sex. And, I am sure there are those with whom I have sex today who are HIV-positive. Just going by the numbers of black men who are HIV-positive, it stands to reason some would have to be positive. In fact, I have posted on here in much earlier posts that some of the most attractive and sexy brothers on some of these sex sites you guys frequent are brothers I have counseled and given their HIV test results. And, many of them are listing themselves as HIV-negative in their online profiles. All it takes is anti-retrovirals and gym memberships and you wouldn’t have a clue.
I mention all this not to frighten you but to put things into perspective. We don’t have to wake up in the morning. Whenever we step outside our doors, something could happen to anyone of us on the way to work or to school. How many people who worked at the World Trade Center thought they would not return home for dinner on 9/11. A car or truck could jump the curb as we’re walking down the street. I could go on; you get my point. As I mentioned earlier in this post, take deep breaths, then reflect. We have all been blessed with minds, including that critically important sixth sense, which not all of us utilize. And, some of us only use it sometimes, myself included. But, I will say it has guided and saved me, in and outside the bedroom. We have it for a reason. Let’s employ it to the fullest.
The one time I did not employ it when I was out cruising as a young man, I ended up regretting it. I went home with someone I had ruled out earlier in the night only to hook up with him after not meeting anyone by the time of that proverbial last call for alcohol. He went through my wallet, stealing money while I was asleep or in the bathroom. The two times I did not follow my vibes (6th sense) when hiring individuals who looked fabulous on paper and interviewed well were major mistakes I lived to regret.
So, what’s a brother-in-the life to do? Breathe and live, responsibly. Take stock of our health and be protective of it. And, that entails having responsible sex lives. Something luckeystar said jumped out at me:
“I am more afraid that my hormones will get the best of me and I will go dumb just to bust a nut…”
This is the very reason we must not allow ourselves to become prisoners. The danger is we will end up being so pent up that we will burst at the seams and end up indulging in a manner we could regret with devastating consequences. The key is to use our vibes, that sixth sense we all have, and just basic good judgement. I used to tell folk, when they would try to get me to give them permission to do unsafe things, to ask themselves: are you willing to entrust your lives to these people? If the answer is yes, go for it. That’s a simple and direct question we all need to pose to ourselves before we do something that little voice is telling us not to do. I have attended many funerals of brothers who got mad at me for refusing to engage in some things I considered unsafe. Thanks be to God, I am here today, healthy and still turning heads and enjoying hot and intense safer sex, which I call responsible sex.
old head comes through and drops some knowledge that made me a lot more comfortable.
this actually made me exhale.
i think the paranoia will make sex a chore,
rather than something meant to be enjoyed.
the lesson is “be safe and don’t be stupid…
…as much as you want to be fucked stupid“.
does anyone have any thoughts?