one of my biggest downfalls,
as i’ve shared a couple times,
is i’ve cared too much.
it came from a place of “lack”.
i would look at others,
and then at my own life,
and see i didn’t “fit in”.
it caused me to ask myself and others countless times:
“Am I doing something wrong?”
everyone looked at me like i was living a good life.
i was too busy investing energy in randoms and strangers to see it…
“lack” and “caring too much” are the deadliest things you can mix together.
you will constantly feel as if you are on the edge.
if someone leaves your life,
it’ll feel like you can’t go on any longer.
if you get fired from a job,
it’ll feel like you won’t get another.
if the wolf you like doesn’t like you back,
it’ll feel like you will be single forever.
i notice when i stop caring,
my vibration is on a high.
it’s easier for me to manifest things i want.
i feel free and relaxed.
when i care,
i’m nervous and full of fear.
my anxiety is all in my stomach and i feel tired af.
i was talking to the pretty vixen last night and she put it all into perspective.
she lives a pretty great life.
a life where she doesn’t put energy into things she can’t control.
she said she use to care before,
but with trials and errors,
she developed a “if it ain’t working/i’ll get a new one” attitude.
from the time i’ve known her,
the only bad thing that has happened to her was bad jobs and her mother’s cancer.
she is making close to 100k in her current job and her mother’s cancer is being taken care of.
she lives in a nice apartment and literally lives the life we all want.
when it comes to wolves,
i notice they all chase or fascinated with her.
she isn’t thirsty,
has confidence in who she is,
and she doesn’t care about how they view her that much.
she puts her energy in being a great girlfriend,
but she has the strength to leave if it isn’t working.
this has caused so many of her exes to come crawling back,
but she ignores their calls and doesn’t entertain future communication.
that is boss status to me.
when you see the wolf of everyone’s dreams gets sent to voicemail.
i’ve card way too deeply about the wrong things.
when i lost my parents,
it created a “lack” within me.
so it made me hold on tight to everything.
i want to be 70/20.
i’ll never fully not “care”,
but i want to choose what gets put on my vip care list.
if something or someone goes,
i’ll always remember it will be replaced with something else.
so there is a 2017 “never ending” homework assignment for all of us.
we need to look at the all things we are putting energy into.
if it isn’t giving us positive energy back,
we need to cut it off and keep it moving.
we also have to try and remember if something doesn’t work out,
that is not the last stop.
if you are determined and can always wipe the slate clean,
you will always be introduced to new and better things.
when you really look at it,
the things/others that aren’t in our lives anymore helped rather than harnessed.
i’m working hard on getting rid of such a terrible way to live.
easier said than done,
but it’s better than basing your life for others and everything.
so it takes that first step that won’t come without it’s tests.