Act One: Denial
it started about a few years ago at work,
liar liar noticed a small thinning patch in the middle of my head.
she made a big deal of it by pointing it out to everyone.
when she saw me freaking,
her narrative changed to:
“it’s not that bad!”
…but in my eyes,
the thought of losing my hair destroyed me…
now i have thick curly hair that grows pretty fast,
but in that particular section,
i did everything i could to fix or manipulate it.
i bought a curling brush and it did help.
it would help separate it enough so that it wasn’t noticeable.
last night changed all that
i knew what was going on,
but i tried to ignore it.
when i put lotion in my hair.
i could feel my scalp in that same part.
as the years went on,
i started noticing i would lose some hair as i combed or washed.
i used castor oil and other products,
and the rest of my head was thick af,
but it wasn’t working in that particular spot.
after manning tf up to get a mirror and take a look,
what i saw legit broke my spirit.
the patch had gotten wider and i was missing more hair than usual
my first instinct was to cry.
i write about good lookin’ males with luscious locks and curls.
i was losing mine.
i felt ugly.
my late father was older,
but he had a full head of hair.
so did my late mother.
why was this happening to me?
that’s what my home vixen told me when i hit her up frantically.
throughout the years,
i’ve been dealing with various kinds of stress.
maybe that has been taking a toll on my body?
have i allowed stress to take my hair?
Step Two: Acceptance
in a bold move,
i’ve decided to cut it all off.
sorta have no choice.
i wasn’t gonna walk around have thick hair,
but then a big ass spot in the middle.
that just won’t work.
“will i look right bald?”
i might or might not.
i’ll just have to work it.
karaoke is coming to the city this week for a visit.
she’s low-key judgmental and i’m hesitant of her reaction.
it wouldn’t be out of spite,
but she may joke about how big my head is without hair.
i don’t know.
i’m stressing about nonsense again.
plenty of black males,
gay or straight,
have lost/or losing their hair.
a majority of black vixens have as well.
jada pinkett–smith spoke candidly about her experience:
lucky for them,
they can buy a wig.
i know i won’t be the only one.
it just sucks,
i hope my hair will grow back,
but i’m not gonna hold my breath.
i gotta accept the changes that i’ve been going through.
i will font that i gotta learn how to handle stress better tho.
it won’t be hair next time.
it’ll be my life.
*when i started the foxhole,
i said i’d be honest and lay it all on the pages.
no need to front or flex.
it is what it is.