it seems like a (hair) loss

Act One: Denial

it started about a few years ago at work,
liar liar noticed a small thinning patch in the middle of my head.
she made a big deal of it by pointing it out to everyone.
when she saw me freaking,
her narrative changed to:

“it’s not that bad!”

…but in my eyes,
it was.
the thought of losing my hair destroyed me…

now i have thick curly hair that grows pretty fast,
but in that particular section,
it wasn’t.
i did everything i could to fix or manipulate it.
i bought a curling brush and it did help.

it would help separate it enough so that it wasn’t noticeable.

last night changed all that

i knew what was going on,
but i tried to ignore it.
when i put lotion in my hair.
i could feel my scalp in that same part.
as the years went on,
i started noticing i would lose some hair as i combed or washed.
i used castor oil and other products,
and the rest of my head was thick af,
but it wasn’t working in that particular spot.
after manning tf up to get a mirror and take a look,
what i saw legit broke my spirit.

the patch had gotten wider and i was missing more hair than usual

my first instinct was to cry.
i write about good lookin’ males with luscious locks and curls.
me,
i was losing mine.
suddenly,
i felt ugly.
my late father was older,
but he had a full head of hair.
so did my late mother.
why was this happening to me?

“stress.”

that’s what my home vixen told me when i hit her up frantically.
throughout the years,
i’ve been dealing with various kinds of stress.
maybe that has been taking a toll on my body?
have i allowed stress to take my hair?

Step Two: Acceptance

in a bold move,
i’ve decided to cut it all off.
sorta have no choice.
i wasn’t gonna walk around have thick hair,
but then a big ass spot in the middle.
that just won’t work.

“will i look right bald?”

i might or might not.
i’ll just have to work it.
karaoke is coming to the city this week for a visit.
she’s low-key judgmental and i’m hesitant of her reaction.
it wouldn’t be out of spite,
but she may joke about how big my head is without hair.
i don’t know.
i’m stressing about nonsense again.
plenty of black males,
gay or straight,
have lost/or losing their hair.
a majority of black vixens have as well.
jada pinkettsmith spoke candidly about her experience:

lucky for them,
they can buy a wig.
i know i won’t be the only one.
it just sucks,
ya know.
i hope my hair will grow back,
but i’m not gonna hold my breath.
i gotta accept the changes that i’ve been going through.
i will font that i gotta learn how to handle stress better tho.
it won’t be hair next time.
it’ll be my life.

*when i started the foxhole,
i said i’d be honest and lay it all on the pages.
no need to front or flex.
it is what it is.

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Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

22 thoughts on “it seems like a (hair) loss

  1. Biotin, B12 and stress reduction. Massage your scalp. Wash it well. Look up the ingredients in the shampoos you use. The ingredients for “Black Hair” and “ethnic” hair products are usually bad for our hair. Rogaine and such products are costly and your hair will fall out once you stop taking them. Make sure when you moisturize your scalp you’re not using anything to clog up your follicles. Make your own shampoo with natural ingredients. Learn to meditate and accept things you cannot control. Stress manifests in your body when you do not deal with it.

    Start wearing hats. Winter is a GREAT excuse. Get into turbans, skullies, beanies. Make them fit your style. Hair regrowth takes a while. Be patient with your body.

    1. ^i tried biotin,
      but it broke me out bad.
      i’m gonna try b12.
      i’m going to follow your other advise as well.
      thank you carlton for being kind enough to leave this comment.

      1. My pleasure. My hair has tried me numerous times in life and I’m self conscious about it.

        Biotin makes many break out. Coupling it with toner and salicylic acid might prevent breakouts. B complex and B12 supplements can be a stand-in, though.

        Castor oil I think is too thick to actually do anything but clog up the follicle. Tea tree oil, coconut oil, carrot, avocado, etc might be better options.

  2. OMG this was happening to me to because my job at Eataly requires me to wear a hat and I’ve never worn a What Not even the cool ones that give you that “I’m busy. Move!” Look. So for the 1st time in my life I started wearing pony tails. And the front of my head look like it was thinking but like you I said it’s just the hat pressing it down.

    Several months later it was obvious and I had to face the music I too looked in the mirror at it and was shook cause I’ve always had great hair and I automatically assumed it was the hat but it turns it’s actually TRACTION ALOPECIA! I CRIED! & had to learn to start wearing loose buns and cheap but the hair is already gone and I’m struggling with having to cut it. But YOU have given me the courage to just do it. So I guess I’ll be at a barber’s b4 thanksgiving.

    My mother will be happy I guess. She doesn’t think boys need long hair or big afros in my case. Ughh

    1. ^i’m so glad that with being honest about my personal struggles that help others.
      jimmy,
      you won’t be alone.
      i’ll be with you in spirit as we let go of something that has been apart of us.
      the best part,
      or what i’m trying to look forward to,
      is the new beginning that will follow afterward.

  3. This happened to me as well I decided I’m just going to accept it as it is and go bald my facial hair doesn’t connect so im doing beard soul patch mostly. Lol

  4. I had my hair loss trauma relatively early around 25. My hairline was receding and hair on the top of my head was thinning. Thankfully my barber, who I’ve gone to since I was 13, convinced me to do the big chop. I was nervous because I have a big head and big ears. I go to the barber weekly, and he cuts it as close as possible with clippers (not ready to go full bald by using a razor). I’m 35 now, and I think I look better than ever. I do a good job of keeping my skin clear, and I can grow a full beard, that I keep neat and moisturized. I’m sure you don’t have much to worry about, every nigga looks better when they do the big chop and no longer try to manipulate thinning hair.

    1. ^thanks james.
      i’m ready for it now.
      like you said,
      it’s better than trying to manipulate the situation.
      i’m thinking of a close shave rather than bald like the new emojis.

  5. I know the feeling. I had balding in the back of my head and it was from stress and worrying. My doctor gave me a steroid shot in my head and I havent had a problem sense. I also meditate and take better care of myself mentally. Seems like stress is a main factor for you J.

      1. Best damn thing I’ve heard. While, Im not balding. That statement resonants in other ways. I look at my life and I am nowhere I thought I would be and I dont know how to change shit. I know how you feel, but from a different perspective.

    1. I had baldness in high school, got the shot and it did NOT help. The pain was not worth it. It grew back after graduating high school and stopping the shots.

  6. Jamari, you’d be surprised how a regular 6-8 hours of sleep each night will help. I thought I was noticing my hair thinning and not growing as fast as in the past.

    Now I make it a habit to of getting to bed by 10p most days and take sleep supplements if necessary and it’s done wonders for my skin and hair. Also incorporating more variety of veggies is typically more useful than all those vitamins that don’t really get into your system.

    Also I’d give no fucks about about hair transplants if you can afford it. Most barbers are learning it now, it’s just on the expensive side🤷🏾‍♂️

  7. Take it off! I lost mine when I was 21, just out of college. I was worried when it first happened but quickly got over it and got more attention from the females and males. One bank vice president said it made me look like the athletes he fantasized about. Low maintenance if you do it yourself. I still get hit on so it’s just a different look. Maybe it was easier for me because my hair never behaved when I had it anyway, it always looked a mess. Plus if you don’t like it you can always grow it back and try other options. Some brothers do the tattoo thing but I think it looks tacky.

  8. My Thin spot appeared about 20 years ago. Went in and had it cut short, same length (a Number1) all over with a good line and rocked it for ten years, after retirement I let it grow and now rock dreads that are shoulder length and solid white! I love it. But the initial trauma is real.

  9. I feel this post I’ve been growing my hair out for about a year and a half and my crown area is my worst it grows the shortest and it’s annoying since I’m trying to get a full big juicy fro. Biotin breaks me out like crazy no matter how much water I drink with it. I agree with Carlton a lot of staple black hair care products have ingredients that aren’t great for our hair such as mineral oil and petrolatum which clog or scalp, and oil like soybean or canola as the first ingredient which are cheap filler oils. I say do some research and read the back of products, also increase your water, veggie, and sleep intake. As far as products you can buy peppermint oil and add it to a carrier oil like jojoba or coconut and rub it to that spot a few times a week, and try bamboo tea its chock full of silica with helps with hair skin and nails but shouldn’t break you out like biotin.

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